Not Ready to Be found

Sometimes I wish I was straight to appease soicety then I remember I like boys fuck social norms.  var sc_project=11724388; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0eba834e";

[xavier-sanders]

nikolas-wade:

“Siblings are the best, aren’t they?” If anything, they had that in common; the love for their family, or what they had left of it. Not that Nicholas didn’t love his mother or father, because he did, despite their alienation and lack of support - but he just had to learn how to go on without desperately needing their love in return. The mention of their time shared together had his gaze shying away from Xavier’s and now he wished he’d ordered a drink to at least have something to busy himself with in moments like these. “It’s really probably the best if I don’t do any drinking tonight.” Or else I might risk turning into a mess, the way liquor always affects me. “I just…I don’t really know…I came because you asked and it seemed like a thing to do.” he shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“They are I love Harry.” Xavier smiled at the other male,” I know, but Harry liked you. He liked anyone who was good for me. He is the same now anything that betters me he is all for it. I am so thankful for him.” Xavier was very relaxed at the point,” Speaking of which if he catches me drinking he might kill me and hide the body.” He handed the glass to one of the girls walking by,” I’m glad you came and listened not many people would do that.”

[xavier-sanders]

itsnikkisloane:

Nikki’s face held a confused expression until he threw the letter on the bar top. She immediately picked it up and began reading it while listening to him speak. She felt herself growing immensely angry. His mother was the worst. No mother should anyone over their child. Her own parents abandoned her after a tragedy so she understands the hurt runs deep. “Your mother is making the biggest mistake of her life. She has the most amazing son and she’s missing out on knowing you.” She told him, earnestly. She did flinch when he threw the glass. “Stop it. I know you’re hurt, but don’t let her do this. You were living life and things were going just fine. You don’t need her.”

“Xavier needed Nikki he never knew it was like to need to someone until Nikki didn’t run. Xavier liked to self-destruct. And besides his brother,” I always do good for a while. I wish I could let her just go past me. I wish it was easy. He went to the other side of the bar. He got close to her. It was almost close to enough to kiss her,” Nikki what I do without you?” He and Nikki never went that far and he wouldn’t go there. At least not anytime soon.  

[jcylenz]

“You look beautiful. I’m sorry.” “For saying I look beautiful?“ “Yeah.“

[dianthusisblack]

The last thing I need in my life

[xavier-sanders]

Who says you can’t explore

Since I came out people have told me I’m gay. That very well may be the case, but the truth is I don’t know myself enough to determine that. I can be attracted to men and not be gay.  I don’t wanna put myself in a box. The thing about society is that once I say I am gay out loud there is no taking it back and I love the gay male community it is so awesome and loving and I don’t wanna take away from it, because I decided I’m something else

[foleyxstandall]

109: Tape 5, Side A

Justin Foley

[kerrosene]

[xavier-sanders]

fckinjvoss:

Jackie smiled and shook her head. “It was the least I could do. You possibly saved my life in there. Let me buy you a drink, or at least food or something. No ones actually tried to brawl in a bar over trying to grab my ass.” she joked and smiled. “Oh don’t worry, if they come back just drop my name and tell them I’ll be more than happy to make a statement. Trust me, if they’re smart, once they hear you know me, and think were friends. They won’t be bothering you anymore.”

“ I run this place most nights and they are new and annoying. Trust me this isn’t the first time I got into a fight at this place. The other guys knew me though and knew I did it for a good reason. If I got arrested my brother would kill me.” Xavier was more worried about what his brother would do,” And this is his bar, so then he’d bring me back to life and kill me again.”

[xavier-sanders]

judenolans:

“Over there, what?” Jude asked, brow raised defiantly. He’d honestly never met a more rude barman (bar-person? bar kid? — the guy looked barely eighteen) in his life.

“ Please stand over there so I can mop this up.”

[xavier-sanders]

nikolas-wade:

Demons, battles, self destruction. Those were always uncomfortable topics to deal with, even more so when you were sitting across an ex lover with whom you haven’t been in touch with for years. Hearing about it, but not being able to help, or feeling comfortable enough to even consider ways of going about it considering their current relations - made him feel helpless and he hated that feeling. So he thought it’d be best if he completely changed the subject “They’re not all like that. I’ve got plenty of good people to work for and they’re influencing a lot of today’s youth in good ways. It can be fulfilling, if you go the right way about it.” he shrugged, suddenly feeling defensive about his employer’s. He did always get protective about people around him, didn’t he though? “It’s nothing personal. My parents will find everyone I like, that is a man, to be trash. It’s called homophobia.” 

“ All I got is Harry and he is the best person ever. When I finally came out I told him that I like guys and he was just like I know. He was not stupid when it came to me and you. Then in true sibling fashion, he said that it was the way I looked at you and the fact that we spent way to much together.” It was his favorite moment with his brother,” He can be a dick. If you’re still here by the time he gets here he will probably offer all of our drinks for free I’m just warning you ahead of time.”

[xavier-sanders]

nikolas-wade:

Autonomy in a work place was something Niko had been looking for when making career decisions, so he understood the importance of it. It was a luxury, as he’d come to know over the course of years, to have a degree of flexibility while working - especially to those who had families. “You seem at peace now, like you’ve got things figured out for yourself.” If this was anyone but Xavier, perhaps Nicholas would’ve been envious when uttering those words, because he himself - a man with less problems than the person before him - still didn’t have his shit figured out. But no, he was still genuinely happy for Xavier, even more so now that he knew the truth. “That’s…wow, didn’t ever imagine you as a criminal justice kind of type. I thought that’s what I’d be doing, but that’s ‘cause my parents kept pushing for it and you know how I loved following their orders back then.”

Xavier laughed at him,” At peace yes? But I still have my demons. I fight a battle with myself every day. I don’t have things figured out. I just have more an understanding of who I am and if I had that back then maybe things would be different. There only two people these days can put up with my shit. That’s Harry and my best friend Nikki. When I self-destruct she is there to put me back together. She had worked here since the end of all everything that happened and she is my rock.” Xavier nodded,” Yeah well I never thought I’d see you in public relations chasing wannabes who can’t behave. I remember. I’m sure they always thought I was bad influence or trash a lot of people back then thought I was trash honestly. “

[xavier-sanders]

nikolas-wade:

“I think it’ll be good for you. Having something to busy yourself with. Working.” It was a presumptuous thing to say, after making a claim that a lot of time has passed and Xavier had no idea who Nicholas is now. He said it because he knew Xavier once and how the man’s mind would run wild if given a chance and sometimes, though not as often nor as troublesome, Niko’s would do. And working helped, when it did. “Do you like it? I mean both working here and the NYU. I majored in public relations and corporate communication there…a couple of wild and life-changing years I’ve spent there.” he huffed, tiny smile appearing on his face as he relaxed into his seat and reminisced. Maybe tonight didn’t have to be hard. Maybe he could let his guard down for a second.  

“I like the freedom Harry gives me. If I’m late for an opening he’ll come, do it for me. As long as I give him enough notice.” Xavier smiled at the other. “The girls like me here despite changing in some ways I still can hold my own in a fight and one of them feels unsafe I step in and protect them. I have walked them out to their cars before.” Xavier smiled at them handling things on their own,” I am majoring in criminal justice to help to with kids like me. Who just need the guidance not everyone is as lucky as me.”

[xavier-sanders]

randalltownes:

Sure, the lone doorman who worked at the bar had escorted Randall out. But he simply took five and finished his cigarette, and made his way back through the rear. He was a local here after all. It didn’t take him long to find the jumpy kid who’d started the commotion earlier. “Listen here kid,” drunkenly poking his shoulder, the alcohol was dulling whatever anger he had, simmering it away. “Think long and hard before you go sticking your nose in people’s shiz again, yea? And let me and my bitch work out our differences on our own. She doesn’t need no white knight, especially not some twiggy one who looks like he’d go down first in a fistfight.”

Xavier hated when they did this. He picked up his phone and dialed 911. “Yeah, I’d like to report a trespasser on my place of business. The units outside dragged him out and now I just need someone to come to get him. And I’d like to file for a trespass warrant.”

[xavier-sanders]

fckinjvoss:

Jackie just came back home, back to the city and out with a few of her girl friends. At the bar, of course there was a rowdy man thinking not only that he was worth the air he was taking up, but had the right to lay his hands on her. Before she even knew it, someone was not only standing up for her, but beating the creeps ass. However, it led to the police making an unwelcome appearance. Once the cops had handcuffed and dragged the boy out, Jackie ran outside to his aid. “Excuse me officer,” she called out. “I’m sorry, but this man is actually the hero of the story. The real bad guy is at the bar who was harassing me. Jacquelynn Voss, Senator Voss’s daughter. This noble young man,” she said as she touched the strangers shoulder, trying to imply the two were actually friends. “he’s one of my fathers dear friends, keeping an eye on me. After all, that man back there laid his hands on me.” She smiled and the officer nodded. seemingly to understand. Jackie looked at the boy and smiled. “Isn’t that right?”

“Listen I lost my temper and I should have got you guys, but my boss is inside.” Xavier knew when he walked back his brother may murder him,” Come on guys you know Harry feels about me getting arrested and he was about to grab her again I was being a good Samaritan.” Once she walked outside Xavier looked at the cops,” See if the usual security was here they would believe me.” The let Xavier go,” Thanks.” Xavier smiled at her slightly. “ I don’t know what happened to the regular cops that actually know me and know I wouldn’t cause trouble for no reason, but those guys are dicks.”

[xavier-sanders]

itsnikkisloane:

Nikki tried very hard not to flinch at his words. She knew it was the hurt talking, but it also didn’t make his words hurt less. She took a deep breath and set her purse down on the bar. “You can say all that, but I know the truth and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not. So you wanna be sad? Be sad. You wanna be angry? Let it out. But I’m staying right here.” Nikki announced, determinedly with a shrug. She wasn’t gonna let him push her away. She’d seen this before. She was the Queen of pushing people away. “What do you mean you’re not going anywhere?”

“You say that now.” Deep Xavier wanted to hug her. He loved Nikki almost as much as he loved Harry. He looked at her from behind the bar. He listened to her speak for a moment. He got out the letter,” Fucking says it in that letter. That she and that bastard sent me. Nikki. I don’t know why you stay by my side I’m a mess. A fucking loser who misses his mother and can’t admit,” all of his anger he threw the glass in the sink and it shattered. “I can’t even fucking clean a glass.”

[xavier-sanders]

“okay this is some shit,” Xavier watched the man touch poor woman again after being warned by her and Xavier not too. His eyes got dark when he saw him reach for her Xavier jumped over the bar pushed the guy with his foot on to the floor. He jumped down with his teeth grit together,” Get the fuck and don’t you dare come back.” Before Xavier could make his next move the cops dragged him out.

[xavier-sanders]

griffinmontgomery:

Griffin scoffed with disbelief, an incredulous smile spreading upon his space. “I wasn’t acting any different than I normally do,” he pointed out, wondering why he was even having this argument. He’d had it a million times before, and it still never ceased to amaze him. “I never hid who I was. I never hid my intentions, so, if you’re too immature to handle that, then that’s not my problem.” Griffin shook his head, looking towards the door. “I should go. I have a lot to do.”

“ That’s the issue, Griffin.” It wasn’t Griffin that was the issue. It was Xavier and he pushed people away. The only person he ever had was his brother. Xavier always felt alone. He could never say how much he hurt. He liked having Griffin around and it was never like he wanted Griffin to any more than a booty call, but Griffin evened Xiaver out. They were opposite, but somehow they got along. “ Immature,” Xiaver repeated it. “ My intentions are the same, Griffin.” Xavier opened the door,” No one is stopping you. You wanna leave Griffin. Let me make one thing very clear you walk out this door you better not try to walk back in. Everyone my whole has walked out, so it’s nothing new to me and I will be okay.”