The Artist

Lee Donghae || 26 || Living Art || Gay || Single Tent #8 (Dark Green Cottage #282 Role Play Only. May contain 18+ Material.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

OOC; Important

After a lot of deliberation and talking with Ben (Kyuhyun), we decided that we will be dropping Donghae and Kyuhyun from the role play. Neither of us have been able to salvage our muses. @_@ I am really sorry for everyone who was looking forward to watching Kyuhae develop with each other. We were as well, but some personal stuff has gotten in the way.

I will continue with Hongki, Dara and Fei, and will be picking up Seungri to replace Donghae! Ben will still be around with Gongchan and Baekhyun.

Please unfollow both Kyuhyun and Donghae. T^T

thisisactuallybreakingmyheart

[runawaykozue]

You're Coming With Me || Kozue & Donghae

[runawaykozue]

Twigs and leaves crunched beneath every fall of her heavy boots onto the forest floor below as they made their way to the tiny lights peeking through the trees. He pulled his arm free and she tucked her hands into her jean pockets, before casting a glance at the now talking highlighter. “We’re going into town. I’m going to drink. You can do whatever.” Kozue said, before looking back at the ground and hopping over an exposed tree root. “I have had way too many people harass me tonight and with all the people there I feel like I’m going through a second bout of puberty, so I’d like to get away from that for a bit, if you don’t mind.”

In all honesty, she felt a little suffocated by the relative normalcy and familial structure of the place.e Everyone was getting along and she was so used to… well, she was used to just the opposite. She never made friends, she never had some sort of support system like this. Granted, she had hardly talked to a single soul, and felt like an outsider, but even being surrounded by this many people that are so…. ‘good’, and ‘nice’, and ‘decent’… It was all giving her a headache worse than a tequila hangover.

“I need like two bottles of soju. Maybe three. Sorry for pulling you off, I guess. Who are you, anyways? I didn’t accidentally pull someone off who turns into a monster comes daybreak, did I? Or just a psychopath?” She cast a look over to him as she stepped up onto a log, taking long, balanced strides along it. “Or, god forbid, a Gleek.” She added, looking down at the rotting wood. She used to play with the fine line between life and death by balancing on the rails of high bridges. She gained some amazing balance thanks to that. 

She thought about the possibilities. She could’ve potentially dragged someone out that could kill her in cold blood. There were some dangerous people in this circus and she sure as hell wasn’t in tune to everyone’s powers, she’d only been there for a few days, after all. However, on the flip side of the coin, that person would have been incredibly irresponsible to let her drag them out to some unknown area, knowing of their powers. So she had a feeling she was somewhat safe.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

When the woman said that they were going into town to drink, Donghae blinked and a small grin fell over his face. Already, he decided the two of them would be friends. Hadn’t he just been thinking about drinking himself? If he believed in God, he would have thanked him (or whatever God was supposed to be) for this opportunity. Donghae, however, raised his eyebrow at her next words. “You look like you’re younger than half the members. Here. Don’t tell me you’re one of us older members. You look at most… Four years younger than me. Twenty-two,” He commented, sticking his hands in his jacket pockets.

Donghae’s eyes moved from her to whatever was in front of him so he could concentrate on not tripping over tree roots. The further from the Cirque that they got, the darker it was. And yet, having become accustomed to being awake mostly while it was dark outside, he could see pretty well and wasn’t too worried about running into anything. If anything, he had a pencil in his pocket that was still pretty sharp. A pencil could be a weapon easily if someone attacked them and got close enough. Thinking of what had happened to Dara back in Japan, he shivered at the thought. Suddenly, he was even more glad that this chick had dragged him along.

“No, a few bottles of Soju sound like something that I need myself,” Donghae admitted, shaking his head. When she spoke, he nearly laughed loudly, but he kept his face calm and even playfully glared at the woman a bit. “You can accuse me of being a psycho, but never accuse me of being a Gleek,” He said, before his façade fell and he shook his head with a grin. “That show is a disgrace.”

“I’m Lee Donghae, a resident artist of the Circus. Although, my art has a bit more life in it than what you might see at some museum,” He said, smiling and looking back ahead of him. The lights of the city could be seen in the distance, but they still had quite the walk. This was one of those times that Donghae was glad that Kyuhyun had actually made him go out and be active instead of just sitting around their apartment drawing and painting all of the time like he had wanted to. He was grateful for the air. Tempted as he was to pull his pack of cigarettes out, he decided against it.

[runawaykozue]

You're Coming With Me || Kozue & Donghae

It had been a long day, and Kozue had one thing on her mind- getting shitfaced. She’d had so much stress, and felt like she was in high school surrounded by all these kids, not to mention she was feeling old. She was wandering the campground alone, wrapped up in a leather jacket, tight distressed jeans (that made her ass look fantastic, thank you very much), and a heather grey v-neck tee. Her hair pulled back into a high ponytail, and combat boots, tightly laced, finished the look off. On a subconscious level, she was looking to get into a fight tonight, hence the lack of anything really fancy. Though she would be pretty pissed if these jeans got ruined, distressed or not.

‘I am fucking surrounded by children, aren’t I.’ She thought to herself as she wandered, twigs and debris crunching under her feet. She was going to grab the first adult she saw and go get her ass to a bar. She didn’t care if the person stayed with her, they could go off and galavant with other people, hell they could go to a strip club and jump off a bridge for all she cared, she just needed to bypass that stupid ‘go in pairs’ rules.

‘Scratch that, this isn’t high school; it’s grade school.’

She stopped walking for a moment and placed her hands on her hips, looking around, when she saw him, standing off to the side, minding his own business. He stood out like a fucking glow stick under the strings of christmas lights illuminating the place, platinum blonde hair coiffed atop his head. ‘Well, he looks post-pubescent.’ She decided and dropped her hands from her hips, walking over to him. She exuded confidence and intimidation, Kozue was a hard girl to say no to.

“You, you’re over 20?” She asked him, standing beside him. He had a good 6 inches on her, height wise, but she’d beaten a man almost seven feet tall into the ground because he called her a “chink cunt”. He learned his lesson to not being a sexist, racist pig within 3 punches. The rest were just self-satisfaction for Kozue. 

When he nodded, albeit in confusion, she grabbed him by his upper arm. “Good, you’re coming with me.” She said, and dragged him off into the forest, towards the city. She didn’t have a car and didn’t care, her strides long and fast, pulling him along, but having enough care to not hurt him or pull his arm of his socket. He didn’t do anything to her to warrant her hurting him, hell she was probably doing more to warrant him hurting her, but she appreciated the fact that he was going off with a complete stranger to god knows where, albeit forcibly. 

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

It had been a long time since Donghae had finally managed to kick the title of the circus drunk, but right now he really wanted a drink. However, he had been asked by a friend to get rid of his stash, and in thinking that he would be happy and wouldn’t need it again, he had complied. Of course, when you went and hurt a friend by lying, a drink was always needed. But he no longer had anyone to go drink with, so he had decided to stay away from everyone. He stood off, watching as people were slowly taking down their booths and ending their shows for the night. He had taken down his things and stored them just a few minutes ago so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the rush of everyone trying to leave at once.

Donghae turned to head back to his tent. He really didn’t want to chance a run in with Bom or any of her friends right now. He would grab a snack on the way to his tent before hiding out. Of course, as soon as he had turned, there was a woman walking towards him. A rather frightening looking woman. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she looked like she was much faster than he was, he might have made a run for it. Was she one of Bom’s friends, here to yell at him for using the poor girl the way he had? It didn’t matter how many times he apologized, he knew that she probably would never trust him the same way.

When the girl asked her question, Donghae’s mouth opened a bit to respond, and yet, he could do nothing but stiffly nod. He knew that he was one of the oldest in the Circus. Nothing about Bom, but why did she need to know his age? This close, he realized just how much taller he was than her and yet she still frightened him. It was an odd sensation, but then again, Donghae had never been the most frightening person so it didn’t quite shock him.

And then he was being dragged off. “But wait.. Where are we going?” Donghae finally blurted out as his feet worked hard to catch up with him as he stumbled after her.  He managed to walk next to her and gently pull his arm free. “You could have just asked me to go wherever, you didn’t need to Kidnap me to… wherever we’re going.”

[ex-cirque-kyuhyun]

Confession || Kyuhyun X Donghae

[ex-cirque-kyuhyun]

“Kyuhyun  … Kyuhyun, I love you.”

The music stopped and Kyuhyun let out a shrill, bitter laugh as his arm draped over his face. Of course his mind was playing tricks on him now. That perfect voice, saying the words he spent his entire life longing to hear. He fucking hated his imagination. Blood welled from his lip when his teeth decided to finally let it go and he felt a shudder snake up his spine. Digging the heels of his palms into his eyes, he tried to shove the tears back inside. He didn’t cry. He got drunk and fucked his problems. Never cried.

“I love you too you fucking bastard.” Kyuhyun whispered as he started playing again. Those words were too easy to say to no one. It meant nothing when the person you so desperately wanted to scream them at can’t hear you. That was probably the one thing he hadn’t tried yet. Maybe if he got drunk enough, he’d follow Donghae and actually yell the confession over and over again until he lost his voice. Then, maybe, he would be heard. That would never happen. No amount of alcohol in the world could give him the courage to do that.

Instead, he was stuck with soft whispered declarations that fell on deaf ears. He had actually confessed once, years ago. When Donghae was sleeping in his arms, he couldn’t remember who snuck into whose bed. It had just slipped out when he tucked strands of hair behind the other’s ears. Kyuhyun thought he was going to die if Donghae opened his eyes, but they never did. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

The blare of a missed key struck his ears and Kyuhyun stopped playing the piano altogether. He still sang, letting his voice waver and shake. “Gieokhae dareun saram manna-“ The words stuck in his throat. No matter how many times he told himself that he could do it, the only noise he made was a choked back sob. So he stopped, stared at the piano keys, his empty hands, wondering about all the what ifs.

What if he just kissed him? The next time he saw him, just grab Donghae’s collar, spin him around and forget about the rest of the world for a second. Kyuhyun sniffed and scowled. Smoke? His head turned and he wanted to turn to shatter. Eyes wide, jaw slack, he just stared at Donghae froze. All the what ifs vanished and he was stuck with the violent, raw, pulse in his chest that threatened to swallow him whole. His throat croaked, snapping his mind back into his body.

“Hi.”

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

When Kyuhyun stopped playing after Donghae’s confession, Donghae nearly fled. Had Kyuhyun heard him? Donghae’s heart pounded in his chest and he fought to control the tears. He didn’t want Kyuhyun to see the fear that he felt, but nothing he did could stop the tears or calm his heart. He then decided it was better that Kyuhyun did see him that way, however, because Kyuhyun would be able to see that Donghae was not playing tricks with him.

And then, the music started playing again. He watched Kyuhyun’s lips move, but he could not hear what he said or read the other’s lips. He didn’t hear me. Donghae felt his heart shatter and it was all that he could do to not drop to his knees and start screaming. And yet, couldn’t it be considered a good thing that Kyuhyun hadn’t heard him? At least this way, he hadn’t completely embarrassed himself. At least this way, they could try and keep the broken remains of their friendship.

Donghae listened to the rest of Kyuhyun’s song and gritted his teeth, heart wrenching at the lyrics. They weren’t meant for him. Kyuhyun didn’t care for him like that. And yet, why did they still hurt so much? Donghae nearly laughed as he realized that they were the words he had repeated to himself nearly every time he had known that Kyuhyun had been out or in bed with someone other than him. The words stung because he knew he would always feel that way. Donghae took a long drag of his cigarette to calm his beating heart. The tears were gone now, and all he felt was disgust at himself for feeling the way that he did.

When Kyuhyun noticed him, it took all of Donghae’s will not to mimic the pose that Kyuhyun was. Instead, he slowly brought the cigarette back to his lips, eyes trying to convince his mind that Kyuhyun looked like an idiot just sitting there like that. He fought to ignore the pounding in his heart as the other looked at him like he had been caught in some sinful act. “You missed a note on the piano,” Donghae accused, being unable to even reciprocate a simple ‘Hi.’ Selfishly, he wanted Kyuhyun to be angry at him. He wanted to be able to forget his feelings.

[zor6a]

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

Truth and Lies || Donghae & Bom

Donghae still felt guilt for what he had done to Bom. The first ‘date’ that they had together had been a lot of fun. He had cooked for her, he had dressed up for her, he had smiled for her and he had shown his ability to her. And yet, the whole time, he had felt guilt. He was not attracted to her, he did not feel anything for her and he had been leading her on. He had known the moment that the date had started that it would only be happening once. And yet, every time he had tried to get close to her to tell her what was going on, he had chickened out and ran the other way. Of course he had spoken to her a few times, shared a few meals with her but that had been the extent of it.

And yet, this time, he knew he could not fail. He knew that he owed her the truth, he knew that he would want to know if he was in her place. But it didn’t make it any easier. Everyone had found out about their date, and everyone had been congratulating him on taking her out. Apparently, she had hoped for more than just the first, and the fact that he was going to kill that hope made him want to go throw himself in the river. He didn’t want to let one of his friends down. And even then, he knew that his friendship with her would never be the same because his idiotic need to prove his love for Kyuhyun to himself.

Donghae sighed and kicked at a rock by his feet, trying to ignore the grins that were shot his way as he waited outside of Bom’s tent. He bit his lip and looked up as one of her tent mates exited. The girl grinned at him before running off. Well, Everyone is going to hate me after this… He thought with a sigh, closing his eyes and sighing. He heard a laugh and his cheeks went red, opening his eyes and glaring as Hongki walked by. The blonde winked at him, stuck his hands in his pockets and turned the corner. Donghae still wasn’t sure if he liked that man or not, but he really could get annoying.

And then, the flap opened and Bom was there. A small smile pulled at his lips as he waved half heartedly to her. “Bommie~ Can I talk to you for a bit?” He asked, tilting his head and fiddling with the hem of the black shirt that he was wearing. He did know, however, that he needed to get her away from the rest of the camp so that they did not have unwanted ears listening into their conversation.

[xcirque-baekhyun-blog]

Strange Companions | Baekhyun&Donghae

[xcirque-baekhyun-blog]

Pretending not to hear everyone whispering about him, Baekhyun kept his gaze to the ground right before his feet. The dog bumped against his hand and rippled, making Baekhyun stop and panic a little. He didn’t want to lose his friend. Holding his hand out, he focused and watched bits of the dog solidify, leaving the blood free flowing where the joints were so it could move. It was just a shell, but it made him feel better.

As his attention was taken from the dog, it rippled again but stayed in form. Baekhyun watched a man approach him and felt himself curl away. It took him a second to realize the man was talking to him, not someone behind him, and he stammered a little, not sure where to look or what to say. So he pointed to the little dog and tilted his head. “It’s nice.” His hand dropped and he tucked it away in his sleeve.

“I’m Baekhyun. Byun. Byun Baekhyun.” The man looked harmless enough. Donghae, his brain reminded him. A little on the short side, but still taller than him by a bit. He could still run if he had to. A part of him didn’t want to run though. Donghae looked nice, and he liked dogs. So far there was nothing that set off red flags so he stayed, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Does yours … stay? If you touch it?” Baekhyun pointed to the dog again. Watching with a little smile as his came up and started sniffing at it. It turned into a frown as his dog tried to bark but no sound came out. They were only projections. He couldn’t make blood into vocal chords. He hated being reminded how fake his creations were. How he was only playing pretend.  

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

Donghae wasn’t oblivious, he saw the way that the kid, Baekhyun, moved away from him as he got close.  That fear… It seemed so familiar. It clicked in his head. Abuse. No person could be so scared of someone even getting close without some sort of abuse in their past. Of course, just looking this way, Donghae would never know what had happened. But he didn’t need to. The only reason he could see it, and not just that Baekhyun was a strange kid, was because he too had known abuse in the past.

Donghae smiled when Baekhyun told him that his blood-dog was nice. “I wish I could have made a dog as big as yours. I think my dog is as big as your dog’s head…” He said softly, with a smile. If Donghae was right, he had to be careful. He had managed to find a way to cope with his past, but he knew it didn’t always happen. He’d have to move slow, speak softly and be sincere.

Donghae couldn’t help but laugh as Baekhyun’s blood-dog went up and sniffed his own. He moved his eyes and his dog sniffed back, before lifting a paw and swiping playfully at the other dog’s nose. Of course, he made sure that neither dog touched – both would probably fall into a pile of blood and graphite, and that would make this situation even more awkward.

“I don’t think so. The graphite isn’t very strong. I have been able to with ink, but never graphite,” Donghae said, shaking his head. When Baekhyun frowned as the dog’s bark produced no sound, Donghae smiled softly and looked back at his dog. His dog gave a few, soundless barks of its own before running circles around Donghae’s feet. Finally, it stopped in front of Baekhyun and stared up at him, tongue lolling out of its mouth as it panted. This was a good, if awkward, start.

[cirque-henry]

Trauma | Donghae & Henry.

Despite not being the strongest man around, Henry still had suggested helping to set up his tent with his tentmates, feeling bad to simply sit back and stare at the others do all the work. He didn’t want to visit the city and have to leave his precious violins without any surveillance, thus, he had left them aside for once and did as much as he could, transporting poles with other cirque members and planting them in the soft ground, then making them stay in place with some chord. At least, because of the warmer temperature around that area, the earth below their feet wasn’t as hard to dig, so setting up the poles wasn’t nearly as difficult as the violinist had thought it would be.

A few posts were brought up and stood proudly around the area before accidents began to happen, at first small but growing more and more obvious as minutes ticked away. He chose to keep on helping, although a bit more carefully than before so he wouldn’t harm himself. The precautions he took however didn’t suffice, seeing as the others didn’t imitate him, and Henry ended up having to rise his arms above his head to protect himself from a post that was falling in his direction. The solid metal collided with his dominant hand and, though he simply blamed the blinding pain on a few crushed blood vessels, a cry bubbled up his throat and pushed past his lips. Only a bruise would result from that, he thought.

Quickly he stumbled away from the pole with tears in his eyes, trying to analyse the cause of the pulsing pain in his right wrist. Mind more unfocused than ever, running a thousand miles an hour, the violinist could only hold onto his right arm in despair, wishing for the best but preparing for the worst.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

Donghae had managed to get out of setting up tents. He wasn’t very tall, so Hongki had told him he would probably be better suited to unpacking. Which he had no problem with, setting up tents was hard work, and he really was a lazy person. He preferred to do things that didn’t take a large amount of physical effort. SO, there he was in the food tent, unpacking and helping people set everything up. People had taken a notice to his cooking ability, so it seemed like they were all starting to associate him with the kitchen. Which was fine, it was nice to not be the cirque drunk anymore.

When he finished, he exited the tent to find some other way to occupy himself so that he wouldn’t be put back to work. He walked through the tents, lending a hand where necessary. Of course, whenever he saw one of the leaders, he would take off in the other direction. He didn’t need to get yelled at for not working like he was supposed to be. It was when he spied Henry working that he finally stopped walking. The other looked like he was struggling with the poles, but he was still doing his best.

It wasn’t until the pole fell on Henry’s hand that Donghae went running to him. Henry was probably his first friend, aside from Kyuhyun, in the cirque and he was fond of the bond that they had developed over the past few weeks. He didn’t like seeing his friend hurt. He was right there when the violinist stepped back. “Yah, Henry…” He said, his voice worried as he reached his friend. He gently touched the other’s  arm, being careful not to touch where he had gotten hit. Even just looking at it, he could tell that it was more than just a bruise. “I should have been here helping,” He then looked up at the idiot who had dropped the pole. “You have two seconds to get out of here before I pull your head off of your shoulders,” He growled. The other guy’s eyes got wide and he took off.

“How badly does it hurt?”

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

First Date || Donghae & Bom

[ex-cirque-bom-deactivated201412]

Following Donghae through the woods Bom had no trouble whatsoever to make her way through it. She was used to wear a dress or a skirt and although she didn’t wear high heels all the time Bom felt more sure about herself because she could hold Donghae’s arm. So that even if maybe she would slip over something she still could hold herself upright to him. Smiling widely because Donghae had brought his ‘stuff’ along so he could show her his ability later on, Bom was already excited to see what he could do. She already knew that he could bring drawings to life but she still didn’t really know what she had to think about that. Were it real 3D images he could create or more like some stick-figures things? Well anyway, she was sure that she’d find out later.

“Oh, this is?!” She exclaimed sounding both surprised and happy when Donghae told her that this date was partially his birthday present for her. Laughing lightly along with him she then assured him of the fact that she wasn’t angry at him because he hadn’t come visit her yesterday. Plus his statement that he wanted to have some alone time with her really would have made everything up to her if she was mad. “It’s really okay, Oppa. I’m just glad you remembered that it was my birthday yesterday and you’re giving me your present now, right. So no big deal.” Smiling over at him to show him that it really was alright for her she then added a question. “Besides, when is it your birthday?” Glancing over at him with a small frown Bom now wanted to know when it was his birthday so that she could treat him on something nice too when the day came. “I didn’t miss it, I hope?”

Coming to a halt when Donghae stopped she let go of his arm the moment he pulled it away. Frowning lightly because of his previous words, since she didn’t really know what she had to think of those, she looked in silence at him for a moment as he started to open the basket and take the blanket out so he could prepare their picnic place. Deciding to not answer his previous words since she really couldn’t figure out how she had to react to those, Bom hummed softly and even a bit hesitantly as she then took a step closer to him, “Can I help with something?” Looking at the different containers with food Donghae got out of the basket Bom thought for a second if maybe that basket was some kind of magic place where you could store way more in than what was physically possible since Donghae kept getting stuff out of it. Yet she did help Donghae a bit with putting the containers in such a manner so both of them could easily reach them once they would sit down.

Grinning amused at the containers and the now half-filled blanket she laughed at his statement. “Aaah, and here I was, starting to think that maybe you saw me for some kind of food monster.” She teased him, “Or like maybe… I don’t know you’re some kind of food monster. We can never know for sure.” Shrugging at her words Bom decided to go and sit down on the blanket. Doing that carefully so she wouldn’t bump against the basket, him nor the containers with food. “But you can never go overboard with food around me, Oppa. That’s something you have to know about me. I’m a lady yes, but I love to eat.” Laughing at her own words she glanced up at him for a moment to show him a comfortable smile before she focused her attention again on the containers. “So?! Where are those delicious sweet corn cobs and the homemade bread that you’ve made especially for me?!” She exclaimed happily as her eyes went over the containers as if she could judge by the look of it where her special present of today would reside in. “But oh wait! I’m wrong! We first need to toast, right? To my birthday that happened yesterday?” Glancing back at Donghae she showed him a small apologetic smile first after which she then started to grin lightly at him. Feeling completely at ease around the man and just deciding to enjoy the moment and of course the food he had prepared for her as this was both a date and a birthday present for her.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

When Bom called him oppa, he smiled. So she hadn’t forgotten after all. And yet, as much as he was enjoying himself, something about all of this felt off. He felt like he was trying too hard. And as much as he wanted to feel something for her, there was nothing. His heart didn’t even stir at her smiles or excitement. He was happy, as he friend, that she was happy. But there wasn’t anything else to it. He almost felt guilty that he was dragging her along for this. He tried to look at her as a man would a woman but… He felt nothing. And yet, there he was, smiling at her as if there was no lie behind it. He hated it.

“Good, I was a little scared that you would be mad at me today,” He said, grinning. “No, you have not missed it. It is October 15th. Still far off,” He said. “Um, not really, if you want to help me organize a bit so that we have space to sit,” He said with a smile. When he was finally done, he picked up the basket and moved it to the side. All of the food, including the wine and two glasses, was now out and in front of him. It was amazing just how much he had cooked. He hoped that she didn’t take it as some sort of insult.

“But what if I’m the food monster?” He said playfully, grinning at her. He was glad that she was taking all of this well and not getting mad. Of course, the nicer and more pleasant she was, the more that he felt bad for lying to her. Why couldn’t she have turned out to be a complete jerk? That might have made him not feel bad about any of it. There was nothing that he could do now  but treat her as well as possible and hope that everything went for the best.

He moved to sit next to her and laughed as he settled down at her words. “Careful, I might start bribing you with bread and corn for things if you divulge all of your secrets.” Donghae winked at Bom before laughing loudly. “There is nothing with someone who likes to eat. People who eat food well are generally the happiest anyways, in my experience,” He said before grabbing a few of the containers. He opened them to reveal the foods that she said were here favorite, before smiling at her and placing them close. He handed her a plate, paper for the occasion of course, before grabbing his own and opening a few more things of food. Pleasant smells wafted through their picnic site and he heard his own stomach rumble. “Sometimes I even amaze myself with my ability to cook,” He said with a playful grin towards her.

“Ahh. A toast? Yes, that sounds the best,” He said, handing her a glass before uncorking the bottle of wine. He poured some in her glass before pouring his own. “To your birthday and this awesome date,” He said, smiling and lifting his wineglass up so that she could toast with him. His smile was genuine, he wanted this to work no matter how wrong it felt.

[superandyy]

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

First Date || Donghae & Bom

[ex-cirque-bom-deactivated201412]

The moment Bom saw Donghae’s suit she wondered for a second or two if maybe she was a bit under-dressed. Or that she actually hadn’t put enough effort into everything because seemingly Donghae himself had done so. Although she soon disregarded that thought because she was wearing a black dress that could match his casual but chic style perfectly. Bom never had been on a date like this, a date where you actually could see how much effort the guy had put into this all. Usually she had been the one that had dressed up and actually had put some effort into everything. So the fact that she now clearly could see that Donghae had put effort into simply everything she felt slightly uneasy herself. Somehow thinking that maybe she could have done something more than this? Although she didn’t really know what that could be and she didn’t even want to think further about that. Simply because it was nice for a change to get treated like this by the opposite party and because well hell, Donghae was a very attractive male and he looked really good –if not close to the edge of smoking hot- in that suit and apparently he had done all this effort for her. If that wasn’t something to be both proud and happy about than Bom didn’t know anymore what was.

Staring openly at Donghae with a light smile on her face when he answered her she needed a second to both tear her eyes away from him and to make herself move closer to him so she could take his arm. “Yes, change is good from time to time.” She agreed softly with him as she hooked her arm gently with his. Placing her left hand lightly on his lower arm she smiled at him for a second before they then started to walk. It really did amaze her that he had shown up in a suit, even when it was just a casual one, but still… guys in a suit for a first date? And that was not even everything, Donghae even had prepared their whole meal and had come up with an idea for the date himself. This totally exceeded her expectations, thus making her feel extremely happy and even warm inside. The cherry on top of everything was the fact that she could vaguely smell the cologne he had put on now that she was so close to him.

Listening to him, Bom looked down at the ground with a soft smile as they walked to wherever they were going. Feeling totally in the date mood right now and so feeling happily excited about everything. “3D?” She questioned with clear interest in her voice. “That’s indeed something to be proud of. You’d care to draw me something later, after dinner? I’d love to see how your cool ability works.” Lifting her head slightly up again she looked over at him with a light but warm smile as she continued. “I didn’t get the chance for that yet and I already told you how much I love art.” Maybe Donghae wouldn’t remember that she had told him this over dinner when they both had discussed their abilities. Unfortunately Bom still hadn’t gotten the chance to actually see one of his living drawings, but hopefully today would bring a change to that.

“I’ve been good.” She finally answered him then as she turned her head back to the front, glancing around lightly as she clearly could see and feel how much her good mood affected the weather around them. The temperature had clearly rose a couple of degrees as the things around them bathed in the beautiful light of the afternoon sun. A small but refreshing spring breeze had come setting up as well. Which gently danced around the both of them as they were walking near the river. “I’ve been to the city with a couple of friends, Amber and me made some great tacos. Mhm, they were delicious!!” Humming happily for a second when she thought back to the tacos she then continued with telling Donghae what she had done the past couple of days. “I took care of IU and helped her with her work. But lastly and most importantly I did get a chance to talk to my father and grandmother again yesterday. I called them because it was my birthday.” Speaking in a very warm and loving tone once she started to speak about IU and then her family, Bom lifted her head lightly up so she could look at the sky. “They were doing great and it was lovely to hear from them again. I’m happy they’re doing fine.” Smiling a bit wider she nodded at her own words before her thoughts then led her to the small surprise celebration party Tablo had set up for her the other day.

“Oh! After that I figured out that Tablo had set up a small celebration party for me!” Breathing out a warm and amused grin at that she shook her head briefly before she glanced back at Donghae  with a bright smile. “I had a nice birthday and a lot of people congratulated me. I really didn’t think so many people would know! I feel so lucky right now to know that people care about me.” Humming softly her smile softened as well. “It feels good to be accepted into the group.” Looking at the male next to her for a moment longer, Bom then turned her head back to the front. Seeing that they had reached a somewhat more open spot now she tightened her hold on his arm a little bit as she remembered that Donghae had been one of the first people that had accepted her around here. And now here she was, currently being on a date with the first guy around here she could call her friend. Funny sometimes how things could go.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

The fact that she so easily took his arm and placed her hand on it made him feel a bit more comfortable with the whole situation. “I’m glad you would think so. It would be a bad way to start off the date if you hated my hair,” He said, laughing lightly. There was so much adrenaline coursing through him at this moment, it was like he was on a high. All of his worries seemed to disappear and his brain focused on her. This date had to go perfectly, not only for him but also for her. He didn’t want to let her down, he didn’t want her to feel like he failed her. Sure, he had been the Cirque’s Drunk, but not anymore. He was done, he wanted to prove that he had changed.

“Anything you want,” He said, laughing softly and bumping the bag the he had slung over his shoulder with his elbow. “I brought my stuff just in case you wanted me to. I figure that it was only fair that I show you my ability since I have already seen yours,” He said, leading her through the trees. With what she was wearing, he was glad that there weren’t many tree roots or muddy areas, he didn’t want her to fall or get her shoes dirty because of this little escapade.

It seemed that the weather had decided to stay in their favor. And yet, somehow he knew that she was part of the reason it was so nice. It was just a bit warmer than usual, but there was a cool breeze to keep them from possibly overheating. There were no clouds to be seen. It was, in fact, the most perfect weather he could envision. It had been a long time since he had seen a day so clear. But when she started talking about friends, he looked forward, trying to keep his smile from falling. All of these names that she was listing off… He couldn’t put faces to them, couldn’t figure out if he had ever talked to them or not.

However, he could act more excited when she said that she had talked to her family. “Oh?” He said, looking sideways at her with a smile. “I’m glad that they are doing well. I know that they mean a lot to you.” He didn’t want to bring his family up. His mother and father were both dead and he had never had any siblings. The closest person to family he ever had was Kyuhyun and that… well, that could easily be a Pandora’s Box in this situation. He preferred that the lid remained tightly on.

“I’m glad you had a nice birthday! This is partially my birthday treat to you, I hope you know. I figured that you would be busy with friends, so I wanted to be a bit selfish and have some time with you for myself. I figured that if I did it today, there was less of a chance of me taking you away from spending time with your other friends,” He said, laughing. He had wanted to go see her the day before, but so much had been going on that he hadn’t had the time. He was just glad that she didn’t seem angry that he hadn’t gone to seek her out.

“Being accepted… You must tell me how that feels,” Donghae said, laughing and shaking his head. “Although I guess not knowing many people is partially my fault for not generally being social. You must teach me your ways. Your personality is so bright that everyone loves you,” Donghae said, smiling and gently tugging his arm from her grip as they reached the spot that he had picked out for them. He put down the basket and opened it, taking the blanket from the top. He unfolded it and spread it out on the ground. He then started pulling out the containers that had food on them.

There was so much food, he now wondered if he had cooked too much. “I made a lot of different foods, but I also made some sweet corn cobs and homemade bread for you. I am now thinking I got a bit excited and went somewhat overboard…” He said, laughing and standing up, nervously scratching his cheek. “I didn’t realize just how much food I made,” He said, looking at her with a soft blush. “Well, I guess we won’t be hungry for the rest of the night.”

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

About to spam you guys with my posts, so be ready.

Also, I've decided to only take 5 paras each character at most. Currently, the only character without that many is Donghae, but Fei is a few over so after the poeple i am currently plotting with, I have no openings for paras. We can still talk and plot out future paras, however!

After this spam, all I have is

Fei's response to Chunji's Gift

Hongki's response to GaIn

Hongki's response to Zelo

Donghae's Response to Bom.

Aaaaaand Brace yourselves.

[ex-cirque-kyuhyun]

Confession || Kyuhyun X Donghae

Yoogeun was nowhere to be found.

Panic was an understatement for just how terrified Kyuhyun was. Sprinting through the tents, practically running into everyone and everything; he almost started screaming for the boy before he caught his scent. Closing his eyes, he ignored the murmurs of the people around him as he let his stripes grow, increasing his senses. Inhaling deeply, he let out a sigh, smelling Fei as well.

As his eyes opened, he laughed lightly, trying to get over how scared he had been. It was stupid of him not to realize that Yoogeun did have other people in his life that he’d spend time with. He was probably playing with the wolves or asking Fei if she knew any dinosaurs. “Dumb kid.” Kyuhyun muttered before freezing on the spot.

Brushing the flap of a tent away, he blinked blankly at the sight of a piano. Immediately drawn to it, he let his fingers tap at a few keys. It had been so long since he last played. Without realizing it, Kyuhyun was sitting on the bench with his hands hovering over the keys. Clearing his throat, he idly played a few melodies, trying to remember any songs he could. One naturally started flowing and he quietly sang the lyrics. Memories were stirred, his voice rising as his eyes fluttered closed.

“Ni saenggake nan himdeulgon hae” It hit him that he was singing to Donghae, despite actively trying to avoid thinking about him; which wasn’t that surprising really, everything was about Donghae somehow. There were times he was holding Yoogeun, fiddling with the boy’s curly hair and humming him softly to sleep and Kyuhyun was stuck remembering the countless times he held Hae the same way. The way they felt together, where his arms just seemed to fit perfectly against him, the softness of his hair, the scent of his shampoo, everything about Hae was engraved into his mind. Etched in his being so well that forgetting him was like ripping out an organ.

“Meoreojigi jeone” A tear slipped out and he paused to wipe his face. With a sigh, he started playing again. He had been trying to ignore the hole in his chest. The one that only ripped open when he was away from Hae. For the few weeks he had him, it had disappeared. He felt so raw, so empty, even around Yoogeun. The pain hadn’t been this bad. Before, it was just a nagging reminder of what he was without, but now it hurt to breathe. Every fleeting glance of Donghae in crowds or in the dining tent made him want to shatter. Being so close and so impossibly far was nothing but pure agony.

“Naega neoui gyeote jamsi saratdaneun geol” He thought he had a home again when he found Hae in the snow. The only thing keeping him here was Yoogeun. Even then, the boy commented on how sad he was. Appa carries too much. More tears spilled from him, but he was too lost in his head to notice. He didn’t want this anymore. All the unsaid words were weighing him down, and this time he knew there was no hope he would ever be able to say them. Every “I love you” he had bitten his tongue to stop from admitting made a crack in him. Now he was just pieces, barely held together with a child’s hands.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

Donghae had taken to getting out of his tent more often. More often than not, however, he had found himself turning quickly to make sure that he didn’t run into Kyuhyun. It wasn’t a secret that he and Bom had gone on a date, and it wasn’t a secret that it had gone well.  Everyone had finally started talking to him again since he had stopped drinking, although some of them still scolded him for smoking. Something inside of him didn’t allow him to stop – he knew that it upset Kyuhyun, and he was so upset with the other, that he felt like the other should be upset with him. It was only fair, right?

Donghae hit a new pack of cigarettes against the back of his hand, packing the tobacco perfectly so that the cigarette would burn longer and not be so light. He idly unwrapped the package and pulled out the foil, stuffing all of it into his pocket so that he could throw it away later. He pulled a cigarette out and fumbled through his pockets, looking for a light. However, he stopped in his tracks when he heard the piano.

He had always been attracted to music. Although his father had told him that anything musical was for women and that men shouldn’t be part of it, it didn’t keep him from listening to it. The melody of the piano was sad, like whoever was playing was hurting deeply. He frowned, the cigarette dangling from his lips as he moved forward, searching for the tent that the piano was coming from. He lit the cigarette just as he got to the tent, not exactly caring if the person inside disliked his smoking habits.

When he pushed aside the door flap, however, his eyes widened and he stood still, shocked to see Kyuhyun playing the piano. And singing? He stood there, mesmerized by the sight. What had happened to upset the other so much? Had his buddies from the bonfire finally broken things off with him? He felt his heart beat as the other sang, watched as the beautiful hands flowed across the piano. “You’re such an idiot..” He managed to choke out, softly but still audible. Why couldn’t Kyuhyun be upset over him?

“Kyuhyun..." He said in a voice that the other should have been able to hear... "Kyuhyun, I love you." He couldn't hold it back any longer. He felt tears spill down his face. He could cancel with Bom, he could explain everything to her. He just needed the other to respond to him, to tell him that he felt the same way. His heart beat heavily in his chest but a feeling of sadness washed over him. He had just told Kyuhyun his biggest secret without even thinking about it. What would happen if the other responded negatively?

He would break. Donghae would finally fall into several pieces. The death that he had been contemplating would be the only way out. He couldn't leave, he had nowhere else to go. He had dropped everything to be here with Kyuhyun. He wanted to feel Kyuhyun's lips against his, to know what it was like to be held as a lover instead of just a friend. He wanted to be the only one that Kyuhyun wanted, the only one that he needed. But what if that fantasy was shattered, thrust into a world of darkness, never to return? His hand clutched at his heart, but he stood still. There were only two ways that this could go, and he was ready for either one.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

First Date || Donghae & Bom

[ex-cirque-bom-deactivated201412]

Where she first had been only thinking about her own nervousness and awkwardness she realized that the man in front of her probably had to be nervous as hell too. Feeling a bit more sure about herself once she realized this, Bom slowly lifted her head back up at Donghae. Showing him a light but somewhat shy grin when he told her that she had to wake up a bit earlier than usual. “That won’t be any problem at all.” She immediately replied to him now. Feeling somewhat foolish because she hadn’t been able to do that when he asked her out. Of course she had scared Donghae a bit with her late answer. Ugh, how stupid could she possibly be? “I tend to wake up a bit earlier so I can still see the sunlight.” She added while she tucked some hair behind her right ear.  A small but cute smile seemingly being edged on her face now as she looked at Donghae. Still not fully realizing what was going on between them right now but definitely not opposing to it in any way.

Chuckling lightly when he asked her about her favorite food, Bom averted her eyes from him as she became slightly embarrassed. “I love corn and bread. Those are the two things I really like the most.” Glancing back at him she smiled a bit apologizing at him before she shrugged. “I really like to eat and I love food so I’m sure that anything you’ll prepare will be great. You’re a great cook anyway. I’m sure I’ll like anything you’ll prepare.” Smiling a bit assuring at him, they then discussed where they would meet that Monday and what time. Telling him goodbye after that, Bom watched Donghae leave with a slight smile before she went back to her own tent. Finally realizing on the way to it that she really was going to have a date with Donghae upcoming Monday. And although everything came out of the blue, she was truly getting more and more excited and giddy about it the longer she thought it over. It had been a long time since anyone had asked her out on a date and even when maybe there wouldn’t come anything further out of it, the thought of going out on a date alone gave her mood a nice boost.

The next few days thoughts about the date played around in the back of her mind and when she finally had come back to her tent that Sunday night Bom started to feel nervous about it again as she put her clothes for the next day ready on her bag. Of course she wanted to make a good impression on Donghae, whether or not they would go out once more or not, a date was a date. And dressing up for things like that was half of the fun already. Luckily Bom always had been kind of good with fashion and make-up and thus it didn’t took her too long to decide what she would wear the next day. Going for a nice, simple but beautiful look which she could use (and sometimes did use) for the performances too. She would wear a simple black dress and her long hair in a loose braid over her shoulder. In this way her hair wouldn’t get all messed up during the performance. Finishing her look with a silver bracelet and earrings.  As soon as everything was ready Bom went to bed and luckily fell asleep rather quickly.

Waking up the next morning, Bom went through her usual morning routine before she put on the outfit she had chosen the other day. After she had applied some make-up and had taken a good look at herself she then finally set off for the place she and Donghae had agreed upon. Starting to get nervous on the way, Bom tried to calm herself by focusing her thoughts on the weather. Which was indeed very nice today and Bom would make sure that it stayed like that. Probably the weather would become even nicer if the date went well. Sometimes it really wasn’t too difficult to judge Bom’s current mood at all. All you had to do was look around you. Walking through the camp, she sometimes glanced up at the sky as she slowly but surely relaxed. Well yeah this was a date and all that, but they were friends so she just had to enjoy this. The both of them would see how things would go, it really didn’t matter to think about that right now. Soon she’d find out anyway.

Arriving at the spot where Donghae waited for her, Bom was some five minutes earlier than she was expected to be. Simply because she hated it to be late for an appointment. Spotting Donghae her eyes widened a bit in surprise as she saw the platinum blond hair. Well that was kind of a change in appearances, but if anything it wasn’t a bad change at all. Starting to smile lightly as she walked up to him, her smile became a bit amused once he looked back at her. “Hi Donghae,” She greeted him in soft but happy voice, lifting up a hand to wave lightly at him. “It took me a moment to recognize you! Your hair! Woah, big change!” She stated while her smile got more and more amused, speaking normally to him just like she’d do otherwise “But of course, it looks good on you.” Nodding a couple of times, she then grinned at him for a moment before she looked at the place around them. Of course approving of the scenery of the spot and everything. “So? How have you been? Aside from paying the barber a visit?” She questioned him while she still looked around lightly, only turning her gaze back to him when she was done speaking.

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

The next few days were spent preparing for the date. He knew exactly what he wanted to, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t nervous. How long had it been since he had gone on a real date? How long had it been since he had actually wanted to go out with someone in this way? Donghae had managed to kick the alcohol because he knew that Bom wouldn’t want to go on a date with a drunkard. He hadn’t managed to quit the smoking, but he knew that he wouldn’t smoke before their date or while they were together. He didn’t want to make a bad impression with her. Besides, wasn’t it gross to smell like smoke all the time?

In his little trip into town, Donghae had not only completely changed his hair, but he had bought a nice suit to wear for the day. It was nice but casual enough to show her that he wanted her to be comfortable and not nervous. But who was he kidding? He was nervous as hell. He had also bought some nice cologne to top the image off. Why look good if you don’t smell all that great? Not only that, but he had bought enough food for a large meal for just the two of them. There was a bottle of expensive champagne to go with it. Not enough to get them drunk, but why not have a fancy drink too?

It was a few hours before the date and he was in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, bangs clipped back and an apron covering his clothes. He knew he looked ridiculous, but he was really in the zone. When it came to cooking or art related things, Donghae really got into it. Ingredients were scattered where he needed them and he was cooking up a storm. Things were already packaged and put into the large picnic basket, but he still had to finish the fried rice and a few other things. There were homemade loaves of bread cooling next to him and he had a few sweet corn cobs boiling next to him. They didn’t really go with everything else he was making, but he figured that she wouldn’t mind.

Finally, he was finished with all of the cooking and he smiled, placing his hands on his hips, looking at his handiwork. Of course, it was a mess, but the food looked and smelled delicious. He finished packaging everything perfectly and putting it in the basket before working on cleaning everything in the way. He didn’t want to think about the times he had done this for Kyuhyun, he didn’t want to think about the times that Kyuhyun had come in and stolen food before it was time. His heart beat hard in his chest, and he fought the urge to cry. He rubbed his eyes before looking down at his wrist. One long, silver scar went from his wrist to the crook in his elbow. He winced looking at it before jerking his sleeves down. This was no time to reminisce, he still needed to go take a shower and get ready.

He wasn’t shocked when he got to the showers and the water was cold – it wasn’t often that they had warm water, he had gotten used to it. He stood with his eyes closed, letting the water wash over him, washing all dirt and grime from every crevice of his body before quickly getting out. It wasn’t long before he was dry and working on styling his hair. Everything was going smoothly. Next came the suit, and then he was off to fetch the basket of food from under his cot.

Donghae wasn’t shocked when he got to the spot that they were supposed to meet ten minutes earlier than he was supposed to be. He figured that being early was a good sign, though. It was better than being late. Five minutes passed and Bom showed up. Seeing her dressed up, he could only smile. “Bommie~” He said lightly, smiling as she came up. He remembered that using honorifics had been ruled out since the first time they had met, so he didn’t mind being friendly. The fact that she didn’t call him Oppa, however, disheartened him a bit. He then laughed sheepishly as she mentioned his hair. “You like it, really? Thanks! Not many people have seen it yet. I did it on a whim, my old hair was getting a bit dull to me. Change is good sometimes, ya know?”

Donghae offered free arm for her to take so that he could lead her to where they were going. Donghae had spent hours a few days ago searching for a place for the two of them to spend their time. He had finally found a small cleared area on a small hill overlooking the river. They had time to be able to get to the spot, eat, watch the sun set and talk for awhile before having the walk back and perform. Of course, he knew her performance was much more strenuous than his, he just had to draw things and basically amuse the children all night. “Nothing much has happened,” he said, shrugging. “Just daily life in the Cirque. Although I did manage to get my drawings to come off the paper 3D a few times. I got rather proud of myself.. What have you been up to?” He asked with a smile. He didn’t want to talk about himself. This night was about trying to get to know her and see if he could possibly work things out. Part of him wanted it to, part of him hoped that it didn’t.

[xcirque-baekhyun-blog]

Strange Companions | Baekhyun&Donghae

The pocket knife sliced through his palm with ease, reopening the stark white line that cut through his life line. Blood gushed from his hand, eager to escape his body, and dripped into the bucket he had pulled from his cupboard. Without a performance tonight, he had to drain. The pressure his body had to enduring being overburdened with blood was too much.

Baekhyun wasn’t fazed at the sight of blood. Disgust wasn’t replaced by fascination either. He considered it a thing that existed, nothing more; a simple tool that he could use, limited only by his morals and energy. He knew others were scared of him, fearing he would take over their bodies or use their blood to destroy them, but he was harmless. Well, he chose to be harmless.

There was a somber air around camp today. Despite trying to hermit himself as much as possible, it was hard to avoid the atmosphere. He had heard that people had left, but it was no one he really cared about. That wasn’t very hard to accomplish either; he didn’t care about most of the Cirque. Which was no one’s fault but his own.

Feeling physically light, he tied gauze around his hand and stared at the bucket of blood. It was filled to the brim, the colour reminding him of the cherry jello he used to get at the hospital. Tapping the surface, he watched the ripples distort his reflection. He needed something to do, something to kill time.

If he had a dog he would just take it for a walk. Without thinking, his hand started moving in the air, the blood in the bucket swirling and forming shapes. He had always wanted a dog growing up, but the one time he asked his father for one was when he was burned with a cigarette. It became a pipe dream. A muzzle pressed against his hand and Baekhyun’s head shot up.

A red German Shepard was sitting in front of him, tail wagging. With a barely there smile, Baekhyun stood up and walked outside, dog in tow. He wanted to pet the projection, but he knew it would just crumble under his touch, leaving him with a puddle of blood. At least this way he could pretend he had a pet, finally. 

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

“What the hell is that Baekhyun kid doing?”

“Is that dog made of blood?”

“That’s rather disgustingly pathetic…”

Donghae looked up at the voices of other cirque members. It wasn’t really to berate them for making fun of someone – He wasn’t sure who this Baekhyun character was and he really didn’t care. The idiots who were talking, however, were interrupting his planning session. He was working on a rather intricate piece of art that took all of his concentration. He had come outside, instead of sitting in his tent, because it was a nice day and he wanted to soak up some sun. He would also be lying if he said that he wasn’t also out there because he wanted to show off his new hair. He hadn’t seen Kyuhyun since he had done it, and even though he was scared to face the other, he was somewhat curious as to how the other would react.

However, when his eyes settled on the person that they were talking about, Hae couldn’t help but blink. The blood red German Shepherd was the first thing his eyes settled on and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. What the hell is that? He tried to wrack his brain to figure out who the person was next to it. Baekhyun? He had heard rumors of a strange kid who basically never left his tent, but he had figured that it was just some sort of Cirque story to freak out the children. The men nearby continued to talk about the kid, and Donghae found himself growing sad for the boy.

Baekhyun, while having an ability that was quite a bit creepier than his own, was somewhat of an outcast. And from the way that he was walking the dog made of what Donghae could only assume was blood, Baekhyun had to be lonely. Donghae groaned softly and ruffled his own hair, wondering just how he could give some company to the kid. And then, it hit him. Baekhyun wasn’t the only person who could animate something.

Donghae quickly flipped to the next page of his larger drawing book and put his pencil to paper. He couldn’t draw something nearly as big as the other’s dog, but he did know what he could draw. He drew out  a rather detailed Australian Terrier. He looked up every so often as he did, making sure that the other was still in sight. It only took a few minutes, luckily his ability allowed him to move rather quickly when just sketching. He gave it as much mass in the drawing as he could, and was pleased when the dog came off the paper with dimension. This was only the third time he had managed it, but it looked like he was finally getting the hang of it. He packed his stuff back in his bag and shoved it just inside his tent flap before jumping up and running after Baekhyun, the small animated dog at his heels.

Donghae felt ridiculous, but what else could he do to give the other some companionship? “Hey,” He said somewhat softly as he approached the other with his hands in his pockets, his small graphite-made dog trotting at his heels. “I’m Lee Donghae, it’s nice to meet you..” He said, smiling softly and nodding towards the other.

[taeyeoninmymind-deactivated2015]

Donghae @ Super Show 5

[xcirque-gongchan-blog]

Comfort // GongchanXDonghae

[xcirque-gongchan-blog]

This wasn’t going how he wanted. Normally he was better at cheering people up, although it was very easy to cheer up children; they practically made themselves happy. Gongchan chewed on his bottom lip, frowning as the man kept talking and crying. His hand fell to his lap and he stared at the blanket, feeling as if he did something wrong.

“Hyung?” After a few moments of silence, he tried again, “If he hurts you, why do you love him?” Not realizing he had actually gnawed on his lip long enough to make it bleed, he fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater idly, ignoring the weird taste in his mouth. “I just don’t get why you would want someone who makes you cry.”

Not letting the other answer, Gongchan kept talking and making a hole in his hoodie, “Everyone says love should be happy, but you’re not. What if this guy isn’t right? What if you have to love someone else? It’s just … it doesn’t seem right that you can say you love him while crying so much.”

Reaching forward, he cupped the man’s face and used his thumbs to pull his mouth into a smile, “Do this. Not this.” Making Donghae’s head shake, he pushed his mouth into a frown before frowning himself. When using his thumbs to make him smile again, Gongchan smiled back. 

[xcirque-donghae-blog]

Donghae blinked and then closed his eyes, trying not to let his tears worsen. Hyung? Kyuhyun had always called him that when he had wanted something – whether it was food or just for him to go get something for him. It felt wrong that the other was calling him Hyung, and yet… The other was so kind that what could Donghae do but allow it to happen?

“I love him because he saved me. I love him because… I just can’t explain it…” He said, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes.  He couldn’t help but look away from Gongchan. How do you put words on love? How do you explain how you care about someone so much? And could he even put words on what Kyuhyun meant to him? No, he really couldn’t. The words just weren’t there. He loved Kyuhyun because he loved everything about him. There was nothing about Kyuhyun that did not seem perfect to him. Of course, if Kyuhyun ever loved him, the pain wouldn’t be there.

When Gongchan grabbed his face, Donghae blinked in surprise. He felt the other push his lips up into a smile. The gesture was so idiotic, so ridiculous, that Donghae let out a bark of laughter through his tears. He felt himself move and curl up, clutching at his stomach as he just laughed. Nothing was really funny, but it let the frustration out. “You’re… Gongchan… why are you so… funny?” He asked.

Finally, he calmed and allowed himself to stretch out more. Fatigue fell over him and he looked up at Gongchan. “Thank you… I needed to talk… Go sleep now, ok? I’m feeling much better…” He said, shooing the other off of the bed before stretching out. He sent the other one last smile before turning over. A single tear slipped down his cheek before he was pulled into a dreamless sleep.