When life is complicated, it always has a funny way of becoming even more heart wrenching. I've recently decided on "Parenthood" as my most recent TV series binge while I'm sitting at home. I was honestly looking for a comedy when I started watching it, and while there are some aspects of the show that are hilarious, there are others that really make me look at life. I grew up with a cousin who suffers from Aspergers syndrome. When we were young, I never thought of him as being different from me in the way he was "wired," to my naive brain, he was simply a different personality than I was. As I have aged, I have truly seen him be a person I can not understand at all. Little social nuances simply befuddle him. Is it his fault, the way he was raised, or is it a symptom of what he suffers through every day? His life has been completely different from mine, and continues to have a wider gap formed every day. He's got a girlfriend and a child. I've got an apartment and a job I go to. He is younger than me, and I look in the mirror every day and realize I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. How does that feel to him? Does he have those thoughts? It is hard enough to raise a child, but there are many times I have wondered what it is like for someone who functions the way he does. Our family has always been exceptionally close, but because he lives in Florida with my aunt he does not have the support from all of us here in Georgia. He's got my aunt. She has been such an amazing woman to him, working her way through school and being the best parent she could possibly be. My family jokes around about how bad they drive us nuts when they come up for holidays, because they are so different than us, but at the end of the day they are still my family, a family that means the world to me. We have always wondered what would happen to him if something were to happen to her, and now I am unbelievable terrified that we may find out. Today, I found out that my aunt is sick. She is getting treatment, going to doctors that I assume are great because she is a nurse and no nurse in their right mind would go to a quack, but it still scares me. She lives hundreds of miles from me, but I still spent my summers with her when I was young. She still cooked meals for me. I still have all these memories of little things that randomly pop into my head. One day, she, my cousin and I were driving down the road and she looks at me (knowing I was hungry) and asked if I liked Cuban food. I told her, well I haven't tried it, but you know me I eat pretty much anything. Is that what we are having for dinner? "No, I was just asking." She's quirky, strange, and I will never understand her. The thing is, she's been a nurse my whole life. I feel like she's a part of me wanting to be a nurse, to be able to help people. I have all of this running through my head and the one thing that keeps jumping out at me is simply that I am so terrified of something happening to her that I can not even talk about it with anyone. Putting it all down on paper, metaphorically, is really the only way I can begin to understand what I am even thinking. What do I do? How do you cope with something when you are worried about a ton of people all at once?
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