Life
About a year ago, my grandfather passed away from my mother’s side and that was when I told myself I need to make time to see my other grandmother. Unfortunately, with a series of events, I was unable to. Now, for the first time, I saw her in a hospital bed but to me, she was almost like a complete stranger -- a complete stranger that I do not want to leave at the hospital when I was helping translate/giving report to the nurse taking care of her. It was just a weird tug at my heart. I was hoping to see her sooner (although, with a lot of family complications, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to.). Now, my cousin told me she is intubated and I immediately thought back to when my mother’s dad (aka my grandfather on my maternal side) was intubated and that scene would never leave my heart. Although images of it is fuzzy now, that feeling I get will never soften (or maybe it will. I’m not sure. It’s only been a year.).
At this time in my life, I feel like I’m one of the worst grandchild in the world because I didn’t grasp the opportunity to actually see her for myself. Granted, I would’ve had a lot of difficulty but I should’ve tried.
The guilt is settling in once again, like how it felt for my grandpa.
