feykijung:
` * ∞ deserter
( tw: death )
he can picture it: a life where he is free. a life where his choices are his own, and he isn’t toted about like a prize to brag over and display. he will attend the council meetings on his own, with his head held high, until they see him as kiha, not his sire’s fledgling. he can control himself now; he knows it. he can survive on his own without causing trouble or hurting anyone. please, please, please.
of course, wonho is strong enough to yank him up, and kiha knows resisting will only hurt him more, so he tries to relax– tries to become pliant, even if only in this, even as fabric digs into his neck. it’s not a game, he wants to argue, but it won’t help him to protest here. he doesn’t want to argue, he just wants to be free. he just wants his own life again. he just wants to be able to build something to replace everything his sire took from him. every time he gets close, it’s ripped away again, and it reminds him of hwan, just out of reach as one of his sire’s men slit his throat. maybe everything he wants is destined to graze his fingertips and then tear away.
wonho tosses him back to the ground, and kiha catches his breath, staying there on his hands and knees, making his mind up not to move. “you’ll have to drag me,” he decides, and he tries to say it decisively and with strength. he tries to make certain his voice doesn’t break with impending tears that ebbed just a little beforehand. it still does. it’s not a game. it’s not a game. please.
“i am tired,” he answers, like he’s correcting him. he’s so tired of it. he’s so tired of running. he just wants to stay still and breathe without standing within his sire’s iron, unsettling grip. “but i can’t stop,” he resolves, and he grits his teeth in determination, a reminder to himself not to give up either. he will keep running as long as it takes. if he’s forced into eternity, it’ll be his own, not what someone else has made for him. he’s so desperate for it.
he looks up at wonho for a moment, like it’ll make him see his sincerity, but the tears come back at the thought: lifetimes upon lifetimes shackled to a detestable man. he can’t take it. he can’t take another moment of it, and the constant reminder of everything he lost to his sire. “please. i never wanted this– i never– i never–” he inhales sharply in another sob. “i’ll take anything you’ll do to me. you can kill me. just please don’t make me go back. please just kill me.”
It’s the same old riddle, over and over again. For a moment, Wonho is tempted to give in to the haunting pleads of the young fledgling, who so desperately will accept torture and even death, so long as it means that he doesn’t have to go back to his sire. Puzzling, for someone who faithfully accompanied his maker until they met true death—despite their many disagreements and arguments, Wonho always stayed by their side. He owed them that much, after all, they gave him the opportunity of eternal life. After so many years, he finally seems inclined to ask about Kiha’s situation.
He doesn’t, not at first, but the pause in action and argument expose slight hesitation. It can almost seem as though Wonho is ready to detonate, his very glare startling and scaring off whatever witnesses are left to watch the scene. He breathes deeply, still in thought when he finally speaks up again. “Spit it out then,” is all that comes out of his mouth at first. First a babysitter, now a psychologist—what will be the next? He has admittedly never been good at these kinds of things, which is quite painfully obvious by the fact that he bounty hunt, both for fun and for his livelihood.
Tears cover Kiha’s cheeks like they always do but still, Wonho recognises something that he has ignored for so many years now. Is it, fear—actual fear? Perhaps he is looking too far into it now that he is open to the conversation, surely the younger vampire has grown accustomed to a rather good act already. It’s not the first time they are in the middle of such a scene, anyway. “You have one minute to convince me. What is so damn awful about going back?” Behind the stoic demeanour, he begins to wonder what can have happened.
Is Kiha being a baby, or is there something else?
The former is true, though, regardless of what is the reason why Kiha keeps refusing to return home to where he belongs. How long has it been since he took a well-deserved break last? Wonho can’t remember, but surely, he will take one after he finishes up with the situation at hand, almost getting lost in the thought of where he would travel next. Is there a place that he hasn’t visited yet? There are undoubtedly one or two that he can explore as a fresh kind of tourist, although, it wouldn’t surprise him if he has been everywhere at this point.
There is no smile to confirm, yet Wonho is starting to feel somewhat content with the fact that he is planning his next adventure, in midst of meddling with a fledgling. Is he even listening to what Kiha is saying? Some might reach him, and the young vampire can only hope that the ancient monster actually catched what is important. It might save him, it might.
