hiraeth

always yapping

[xi1997]

i have bad attachment issues lmaooooo

[xi1997]

last day of fall today. i stopped counting the seasons

[xi1997]

anxiety increases by 10 fold buy good news is that i can leave at 9 now bc i don’ t have to meet my cousin. onward…. and cry :’(

[xi1997]

i'm getting stressed. the cardiac stuff has slowed me down. and i don't remember some of these at all :( which means i haven't even gotten to any of the first two weeks of lecture content at all, and i NEED to review them :'( i'm sad

[xi1997]

so my friend sent a word doc of qs she generated and it is 291 pages long (tbf each page is like 2 questions lol). i'm trying to get through them and so far, i'm only at page 60 :( ideally i would love to finish these questions by 6 am! so hopefully i just power through atp. after, i want to review things i was a lil iffy about and then after that, just drive to campus! i'm going to get to campus by ~9 to drop something off for my cousin, and then after that, i'm just going to review stuff until ~9:45. so hopefully, i can get through all the questions my friend sent by 6 am! i would love to finish in an hour tbh but i'm a lil slow with the questions.... i would also love to get through the cancer, liver, and delirium slides like twice cuz i haven't really reviewed those ones. and that's all! i turned my phone off cuz i was checking it too often. okay, 1.5 hrs for these questions...

update: 1 hr later (05:34), i am now on pg 121 so, i am doing about a minute per page i guess? with the rate i'm going, i can actually finish this (~180 left) in 3 hrs. so i guess i will not be able to super review the rest of the content, but at least i can get through most of the content via the questions by 8:30! okay, back to the grind. see u in an hour :)

update 2: 1 hr ish later (0629), i am now on pg 169, so i'm running a lil behind tbh. i'm sleepy ish now. but pushing through! totally forgot about the cardiac structure slides though oop. the further i go back in the semester, the more stressed i am bc genuinely don't remember them too well :( i hope these help a lot though!! carry on!

update 3: i'm only half an hour out my last post but i'm tired :( and i'm still stuck on cardiac structures, which i barely remembered from last time :'( it's getting to the stuff i don't remember as well and was stressed about last time :'( i'm scared

[xi1997]

hi! just stressed about this final :) i fucked up. i'm just hoping to get the cumulative total at this point so if i end up getting a C or C+ so be it </3 a girl is fucking dumb and hopes she can do this tomorrow without crying!

[xi1997]

(almost) end of my second semester updates

hi, i think it's time for an update! today was officially the last day of the semester before finals. i'm going to make this a quick update but here goes:

for hesi #2 for advanced med surg, i got 845 :( needed at least an 850 for 8/10, and then a 900 for 10/10. oh well. i tried my best (not really but you get the gist)

hesi #1 for mental health, i got in the 830s :( i'm really bad at test taking apparently so i'm suffering. but i love the camaraderie of others who not only had to retake today, but are also going to retake next wednesday :') (here's looking at you diego, liz, meila!) we're all in this together frfr

also surprised at how many people had to retake today! i saw about ~25 people today (for reference, there's roughly 80 of us), but that didn't include the people with accommodations! i was also surprised to see a really smart person retaking it, so i just know the hesi is tricky overall.

i'm still working on my paper :( i'm trying to finish by 8 pm and am just going to call it a day after that. whatever happens is in the hands of my grader at this point. i think i really need some goooood sleep and then i'm going to study alllllll weekend. grind fucking time until the final.

speaking of finals, i'm aiming for a B- for advanced med surg! if i can get that, i'll get a B for the class and call it a fucking day (assuming i'm getting full points for the rest of my assignments). thank goodness that i already calculated my grade with 6/10 points lol. still wish i had turned in that concept map but it is what it is!

for mental health, i'm pretty sure i can achieve at least a B+. i feel like i could get an A-, but idk, i'd have to get an A- on the final (probably) but i don't feel like it but we'll see! i just need to see how i do after med surg first lol.

for writing, i'm probably going to get an A- or an A. it just depends on how this paper goes! if i get at least an 88%, i'll definitely have an A. but i'm also at the point of maybe saying fuck it and turning in a paper and getting whatever and getting an A-? we'll see. i'm just so eepy and tbh med surg is more important because i still need to pass the class in order to move to the next semester.

okay that's all! hopefully i finish my paper by 8 pm. i think i'm going to have one of my cousins read it tbh and peer review it and then call it a day

[xi1997]

couple of things:

-took a longer nap on accident, so i forgot to resubmit my assignment. i'm just going to take the L because i don't want to have two late assignments in that class because they seem serious about letter of jeopardies this sem. this just means that i need to get at least a B- on my final and call it a day </3 (i know i can do it, i just need to study thursday, friday, saturday, sunday hella!!)

-i'm going to finish my writing assignment tonight, idc if i get sleepy! i'm going to see silverstein. i apparently saw them for the first time today exactly 7 years ago in anaheim! i was the first in line :') i had just turned 21. so weird to think that it's seven years later and i'm 28 and am going to see them again :') and apparently, the pasta place we're going to is only 8 minutes away from the venue. i'm debating on what i should do tomorrowww bc i don't want to drive to school and then

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i never finished the above LMAO

anyways, will be back for my update

[xi1997]

the second person who peer reciewed my paper did not give a fuck about reading my paper and makes me feel a bit better as compared to the other person who graded my paper lmao (good feedback from grader 1 though so i’m thankful).

[xi1997]

ok i accidentally took a 2.5 hr nap 🙃 time to go grind writing class

[xi1997]

okay so i'm finally checking my grades after so many weeks. i'm currently at around an 82.57% (B-) because i didn't turn in the concept map last night :( if i had turned it in, i'd be at a solid 83.34%, which makes me so annoyed because i genuinely did the fucking map. like i'm so mad right now that i'm not sleeping when i should be. because i absolutely did the fucking map. i'm trying to calculate my scores right now and if i turned in the map tomorrow and lose 10% (because two days late technically, fuck the 10 pm turn in time), i'd be at an 82.97%... :(

it's the end of the semester and tbh i'm trying to see the lowest i could get on my final exam to still have a solid b. assuming i get 6/10 on the hesi score (because idk if i'd be able to get >900 on my retake lol), and good scores on the rest of my assignments, if i had gotten a 24/24 on my clinical packet, i would've gotten a B with 130/170 (lowest 128.2 actually) on my final exam. (sidenote: i'm also mad because i lost an easy point because i didn't realize one assignment was due... that was on me but still). without that 24/24, i need to get a 133.5, about 5.3 points more. okay guys, when i write that out, it doesn't seem like a lot (about 2.5 questions) but i get stressed during exams so any amount of points help. i only say this as well because a 128.2/170 is a ~75.4% while a 133.5/170 is a ~78.5%. for reference, i got ~79% on both my frontloading exam and midterm 1, but got a 74% on my midterm 2.... so is it achievable for me to get a ~79% again on my final? yes!! but i really need to lock the fuck in. but this week's going to be so fucking busy in terms of assignments and HESIs so i really have to lock the fuck in so i can get my assignments done so i can focus on studying. this means that in my free time, i'm just going to have to grind the fuck out of everything. regardless, at the end of the day, i need to get at least a 73%, but man, it would've been nice to just try for a 75% at this point...

funny enough, if i do somehow get the late penalty and got a 21.6/24 instead, AND got a 10/10 on the hesi, i could get a B with 128.2... but we'll see...

in other funny news, if i somehow got a perfect score, i'd only still have a B+. my hopes for an A shattered a long time ago. it'd be nice to get a B+ but that's really pushing it lol. but at the end of the day, getting a B- isn't the worse either. just sucks but oh well :/

my projected grades are this: B- (this class), B+ (mental health), A-

the pluses/minuses are killing me. hovering between a B+ and an A- in mental health actually, but unless i somehow do so well on the final, i think i'm staying at a B+ for mental health. for my writing class, i actually have an A, but my grader is so fucking particular with APA that i'm scared i'll lose a lot of points on APA so idk either.

okay back to n123. i think i should at least just aim for a 140/170... an 82%. if i can achieve that somehow, then fuck the packets and hesi scores. at least i get a B and call it a day. because i sure as hell am not getting a B+ for this class but i feel like i can achieve a B. at the end of day, i might just get a B- and call it good too so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but i'm also worried because even when i took my final last sem, i got a 70% first before it changed to a 79%.... i'm afraid that might not happen this time :( like i really really really need to somehow just get an 80% and i'll be okay. i don't mind losing points (debatable actually lol) for little things but losing points because i forgot to attach something is so fucking dumb and an oversight on my part that i'm genuinely beating myself over it. those points can really help break or make my grade and i'm fucking pissed.

---

honestly guys, at this point, ima just say fuck it and keep my score. lesson learned to double check all my assignment submissions (would be nicer if the packet was organized better and easier to turn in but i digress). even if i got the late penalty, i'd still need a 131.6 to get a B, so a ~2 point (1 question) difference. tbh the 1 point can absolutely matter in the end (here's looking at you, n111, but thankfully, i got the point after) but yeah... i'm one of the people struggling with in-between grades rn and every fucking point matters :)

i just hope i get a job after... i want a B :( study hard please.

[xi1997]

screen-timed, so here i am.

i haven't been checking my overall grade in n123 because i've been scared to look at it. i'm annoyed at this 19/24 situation but if that's what it is, then it's what it is.

[xi1997]

so you’re telling me that i lost all 3/3 points on fucking apa format lol okay

and then 1.2/2 points on fucking in-text citation like okay??

why is my grader actually so strict with apa format bro like you could’ve (sorry, could have) told me that in my outline ??

still glad i got a ~95% on that paper overall but like why am i losing all my points on apa format bro:/

[xi1997]

hello tumblr i am so fuckjng tired

(i just hate writing papers)(even if it’s a rough draft)

[xi1997]

28! i always cry on my birthday :-)

[xi1997]

last day of being 27. i truly already feel 28 and have felt like this for the last six months. life’s going

[xi1997]

one of my favorite memories from today:

my friends and then two members of our other cohort were outside in the backyard area just hanging with the residents. my friends and i were with one resident and our cohort were with another resident on the other end. towards the end of being outside, i was curious about the water splash pad thing because i heard we could turn it on. so i got up and looked at it and noticed a button that had you step on it. i tried multiple times and could not get it. at this point, my friends were already up as well also looking at the splashpad. the resident then came over and tapped it with his heel, which activated the water! it was so fun because my two members of the cohort ended up coming over after the commotion (“we thought there was a leak”) and we ended up splashing each other a bit (my friends were trying not to get wet while the other two members were more messing with the water) and tried stepping on the water to plug the water. :’) even their resident ran their head through the water! it was so fun just doing that cuz i definitely felt like a lil kid again :’) and the oldest member of our cohort is a dad so he has a childish side to him at times and it’s refreshing frfr. and the youngest member of our cohort is only 20 (two of the youngest members actually but one was elsewhere) so it really felt like pure childish fun :’)