Do you regret loving him?
He caused me to feel alive, truly, for the first time when we were fourteen and standing on a mountain underneath the stars. He made me feel safe when I held his hand. He told me I was beautiful, and I loved hearing it; I loved believing it. He whispered his darkest fears to me sitting next to the fire after everyone had fallen asleep, confided in me his greatest dreams. He made me feel like I mattered.
Do you regret loving him?
His smile gave me butterflies. His laugh was entirely contagious, and hearing his happiness made me happy. His accomplishments made me feel proud. His eyes were dark yet they lit up when he looked at me. He was so handsome; I told him often, but I don’t think he ever believed it. He could not see anything good in himself, regardless of what I said, yet at the same time he carried himself with pride. He made me feel like I was lucky.
Do you regret loving him?
He liked to hold my hand when we watched movies with his friends, like I was his secret. He told me he liked my perfume. He got along with my father and was polite to my mother. He said my name differently than everyone else’s. He looked for me in crowded rooms and sighed in relief when he found me. He called me just to hear my voice. He made me feel like I was special.
Do you regret loving him?
He made promises often. He would make small ones, saying he wouldn’t forget to bring me my jacket, he would call at 5 o’clock, he would remember to pack a scarf. He would make large ones, too. He would promise to love me forever. He would promise to love me when it was difficult. He would promise to be there, always. He made me feel as if I was worth it.
Do you regret loving him?
He started to forget to call. He started to show up later and later. He began to forget the important things. He would speak of other girls with his friends, then attempt to brush it off when he saw I heard. He would snap back. He would roll his eyes. He would criticize. He would argue, he would make me feel small as his shouts filled the room. He made me feel as if I didn’t matter.
Do you regret loving him?
He would hold on to me too tightly. He would glare at me as I spoke with anyone else. He would grow insecure and tell me that I made him feel insignificant. He would grow irritated when I disagreed. He would get moody, he would blame it on the medication. He would grow furious, he would blame it on the alcohol. He made me feel as if I was stuck.
Do you regret loving him?
He didn’t find me beautiful anymore. He pointed out flaw after flaw, saw blemishes and gave me bruises when he spoke. He would tell other girls they were pretty. He would tell me that he hated me through slurred words and on low-quality voice mails. He would tell me he hated himself. He would promise that he was going to leave me, he would swear this time he meant it. He would come back just to go again. He made me feel as if I was worthless.
Do you regret loving him?
He gave me everything and nothing. He hated me and he loved me. He thought I was an angel, he thought I was the devil. He would shove me out the door, he would run after me. He would push me to the breaking point, he would put together my broken pieces. He would hit me with cutting words, he would heal me with flowering sentences. He made me feel everything and nothing all at once.
Do you regret loving him?
He taught me what it was like to love someone so much it hurt. He showed me what it meant to hate someone yet love them so deeply you did’t know it was possible.
Do you regret loving him?
He was the first person who saw me for all my flaws and sins and scars and loved me regardless; he was the first person who knew where they were and cut them open again and again.
Do you regret loving him?
He made me feel like I was unlovable, he made me feel like I was the only girl in the room. He gave me some of the best memories of my life.
Do you regret loving him?
He gave me some of my worst memories.
Do you regret loving him?
He told me he loved me. He loved me, he loved me, he loved me.
Do you regret loving him?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll ever know for certain. The only thing I know is that I don’t love him anymore; maybe that means I never really loved him at all, and how can I regret something that never happened?”
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