Just Something

Now, you reading about me. But you know nothing about me.

[xlovelessdiaryx]

"I talked about you yesterday. The pain I suffer from you. The past you defined.... Today you walked past me and didn't recognised me."

-Good for me I guess.

[thepersonalquotes]

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[xlovelessdiaryx]

Sometimes your Name still slips over my lips. Like a curse- because you weren't a chapter in my life. You were a whole book.

[xlovelessdiaryx]

"Soothes the ache inside. If only she knew it's her causing it."

-A lover crying for his wife who forgot him through her illness.

-For a book I never finish to write.

[surqrised]

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”

— Hafiz

[xlovelessdiaryx]

In the Desert

Tbh, that's my first try and time posting a project I just thought about.

I thought about writing a fanfic and ask here nicely for some Opinions...

It's a JJ Maybank x FemOc story.

"If JJ was the king of anything, he was the king of friendship."

-John B.

------

'When you die, your whole life passed by.'

At least that's what they say.

And JJ almost believed it as the warm Moroccan air wafted around his cheeks.

His best times with the Pogues flashed before his eyes, the people who had supported him the most in his short life. The people he loved the most.

Kiara's voice still echoed in his ears. "I love you too."; followed by sobs and desperate cries before her warmth slipped from him, leaving only the feeling of cold.

Oh, How he had loved her. JJ had always watched her from afar, the way she walked, the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she surfed. The way her skin glistened in the sun, literally absorbing the orange colors as she remained radiant. Her laughter had taken his breath away more than once, made his heart stumble. In his final moments, JJ's brain seized every single moment, replaying the details of her in slow motion.

The sound of the waves rang in his ears and for a moment he was no longer in the sandy desert. He saw the sea, how it shimmered bluish, like her eyes...

In his delirium, JJ drew his eyebrows together. Kie's eyes weren't blue, they were brown like a piece of chocolate. It felt like a sick joke when JJ could only remember the blue of Valeria's eyes. At the very moment of his dying, he remembered the girl he had admired from afar before she disappeared at the age of sixteen. Slowly, his tired eyelids closed, his soul clinging to the last memories. Of John B, Pope and Kie. And, unfortunately for him, Valeria's blue eyes, which reminded him of the sea and the endless horizon above.

[museify]

[dumblr]

In another life, we learned to talk. I was unhurt, and you healed.

[1-ofthecoolkids2]

SEX IS NOT THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD FEEL LOVED, A REMINDER

[xlovelessdiaryx]

And even if I didn't exist anymore you will be loved. Cuz not only my heart loves you, my whole soul is sick with love for you and it will last until it found another body. And even if the body change, my soul will still love you, will still found you and crave for you again.

-xlovelessdiaryx

[xlovelessdiaryx]

O beloved deer,

Sometimes I still miss you. I saw something, got an idea or just wanna talk about sh*t and think: "He would have loved to hear that."

But you're not here anymore. And the thoughts of you don't hurt anymore. When you left, you left a door open and I finally closed it.

Thank you, lovely deer.

[xlovelessdiaryx]

"Dear Diary, I'm a disappointment."

An original entry from mz diary in the year 2013. I was just 15 yo.

[xlovelessdiaryx]

In the meantime, it has been a few years.

I haven't thought about it for a long time,

Why should I? It was far in the past.

But now, alone, my head seemed so empty.

Didn't expect anything else, in the middle of the night.

For a long time I liked to wallow in secrecy on the subject.

I don't know where to start.

These complex thoughts

This little confession.

I really suppressed it for a long time,

The subject made me waver slightly

Now it's more of an admission.

But still I remember.

Of that voice, those eyes, that laugh, our conversations.

All the things that fascinated me so.

Nothing about you was artificial

But I possessed a strong character flaw.

Which is why I ruined everything.

In 2013, the world was a bit Difficult.

The whole issue about transgender or gay

And I, at that time, was in the middle of it.

It was said by many I was just curious....

The topic was not so current at that time.

But it felt like a new beginning of the year.

Like a new phase of life.

No idea what actually happened.

But I met her and everything made sense.

Every defense was in vain

Only when I looked into her eyes

She was my queen.

I don't know how to explain it.

These complex thoughts.

This little confession.

It was easy to be friends with you.

It was easy when I saw another girl

It was easy to fall in love with this one.

But it wasn't that in general.

The whole thing was a difficult subject

To say so was an understatement

Two women...2013, it was hard to explain that

It was exhausting to listen that its just a phase

Or you just feel that way because it was trend.

People were in other spheres

They were still too much in their bubble.

It seemed inconceivable to some.

But no matter how hard it seemed.

How alone I felt.

You were there with me. As my best friend.

Hell, you were my Ritalin.

The one that made my mind churn even more.

You were my queen.

When I broke up with that girl, you were there.

You never once scoffed.

Didn't condemn me

And that's when it hit me

You always supported me.

Shared all your thoughts with me.

I don't know why I never said it.

These complex thoughts.

This little confession.

Damn, it's been 12 years.

We've been through a lot and in the end never saw each other again.

Never spoke again, never laughed again.

The first time I was broken by it

I didn't want to go through it again.

Because you, you had turned me off.

I loved you more than a best friend.

For months I cursed you

I pushed everything about you, everything of you out of my mind.

So that your name would never rise in my head again.

I never tried it with another woman since then

Just hung every thought of it in my head.

I don't know why I let it happen.

These complex thoughts.

This little confession.

When you wrote me I couldn't believe it,

Read over and over that you wanted to see me.

Struggled with the skepticism inside me, but agreed.

But when you stood in front of me, I couldn't just trust you again.

Even though you overwhelmed me with your old ways.

All this awakened in me a strong restlessness.

I didn't tell you much, after all we were only acquaintances again, even strangers.

I avoided the old feelings, the thoughts

Rightly kept you at a distance

You, on the other hand, spoke without end

You made me waver

But it was not planned that way.

I didn't want to let you get so close to me anymore.

I never wanted to have you in my life again.

But when your tender face broke like that and I saw the tears,

I knew you hadn't left all that behind.

You wanted again what we gave up then.

You wanted it to be like it was before.

I don't know why I didn't say it then.

These complex thoughts.

This little confession.

I was debating inside.

Could only thank you for your words.

And you showed understanding.

For all the things that troubled me.

For my choice at the time.

You understood me.

I never wanted to tell you.

Not even this time.

But I loved only you.

[xlovelessdiaryx]

He: But thank you for being like that, although I can't understand it after school you know what I mean?

Her: I am not God to throw people who have trusted a snake out of my garden. I know something like forgiveness. I never forget, but forgive.

[sunsetquotes]

“I just want to know… if you’re going to stay.”

— Vance Joy

[xlovelessdiaryx]

I saw a text a few days ago, which said: "What if I never forget you?

What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren't you?"

The truth is: First u get cats or dogs, cuz this is way much better. And then, after a few years, without realization, you lost everything on feelings. U didn't feel happiness, sadness, anger, jealously or something else. You get to confused, but with time, your okay with this. You lost completely everything about feelings that you ever knew.