[xo-sydneysavage]

PSA

Never, ever get in a relationship if one or both parties are on drugs.

You will most likely end up stuck in a miserable, controlling, physically/mentally/emotionally abusive relationshit with no way out. They will play mind games, lie to you constantly, threaten to kill you or to physically harm you in some way; they will cheat on you & leave bruises, bumps, & fat lips. They will isolate you from all of your friends and families & they will also abandon you too.

Keep an eye out for red flags & never doubt yourself.

Our one year anniversary is in a few months… ._.

If everything goes as planned, I will be moving out soon…

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How Can I Help a Friend Who's Depressed?

We’ve all learned the rules and can play the game of pretending we’re Ok when we’re actually depressed. But sometimes we can tell that a friend is struggling – so what can we do to help them at that time?

1.    Pay attention to the signs - Common signs that a friend may be suffering from depression include:

·         Feeling so bad that they can’t get out of bed

·         Withdrawing from family and friends; isolating themselves

·         Over-reacting to minor stresses; feeling as if they can’t cope with life

·         Being anxious, moody, irritable and angry all the time

·         Noticeable changes in their eating patterns (either a total loss of appetite or compulsive eating)

·         Disrupted sleep - or wanting to sleep all the time

·         Escaping through alcohol or substance abuse

·         Cutting/ self-harm

·         Feeling empty, hopeless or despairing.

2.    Know your limitations. - You’re not their counsellor or their therapist so it’s not up to you to find solutions to their problems. Instead, encourage your friend to seek professional help.

3.    Don’t avoid the issue - It can be hard to know how to raise the subject with them - when you know that a friend is feeling depressed. The most important thing is to be experienced as sensitive, accepting, empathic and supportive. The worst thing to do is to offer them advice, or give them easy answers, or say how they should feel. Instead, convey you are concerned, and will be there for them … and that you’re not going to judge them, or to just walk away. Depending on the reasons, and what’s happening in their life, you could say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been down … and I’m feeling concerned … How are you really doing right now?”

4.    Listen attentively – Give your friend full attention and listen carefully. Be patient, encouraging and gentle with them. Also, don’t interrupt, offer insights or solutions, or try to convince them their viewpoint is wrong.

5.    Take their problems seriously – Most people are afraid to share how they feel as they think other people won’t really understand. Thus, don’t dismiss their problems as being “no big deal” or something they should try to forget, or ignore. To them this is huge – and they can’t “get over it”. Also, don’t joke around or try to minimise their pain.

6.    A confidence, is a confidence, is a confidence – Unless you’re genuinely concerned that your friend might harm themselves, or be a danger or a risk to other people, then treat what they have shared with total confidence. We all know what it’s like to take a risk and open up – and then discover later on that our secrets have been shared!

7.    Convey hope – Often depressed individuals feel hopeless and despairing – and they think that they are different, or something’s wrong with them. Yet, depression is widespread so their feelings are quite normal … and, in time, it is likely that they’ll feel OK again. Try and normalise their feelings, and help your friend to see that’s it’s not a sign of weakness to feel as they do. Also, it can sometime help to share when you’ve sought support yourself –  and to sat that it was worth it, and made a difference.

8.    Stay in touch – It’s hard to take a risk and be vulnerable with others – and it feels even worse if that person walks away. Thus, it’s absolutely crucial that you keep checking in – as this sends the message that you genuinely care.

[the-courage-to-heal]

Signs of Emotional Abuse:

Humiliating or embarrassing you.

Constant put-downs.

Hypercriticism.

Refusing to communicate.

Ignoring or excluding you.

Extramarital affairs.

Provocative behavior with opposite sex.

Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.

Unreasonable jealousy.

Extreme moodiness.

Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.

Saying “I love you but…”

Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”

Domination and control.

Withdrawal of affection.

Guilt trips.

Making everything your fault.

Isolating you from friends and family.

Using money to control.

Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.

Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

source

[the-courage-to-heal]

21 Signs of Emotional Abuse You May Be Overlooking:

Emotional abuse is any kind of psychological abuse that traumatizes a person’s mind or their state of being, forcing them to feel weak, traumatized and helpless. You may feel moments of emotional abuse now and then in your own relationships with the people around you, be it with your parents, siblings, friends or even your romantic partner. The easiest way to realize if you’re being abused by someone is if you feel weak and stressed around them. Use these 21 subtle signs of emotional abuse to find out if you’ve been pushed to the wall by your spouse, partner or friend. If you do see these signs, perhaps it’s now time to walk away.

1. You’re scared. Your partner’s behavior scares you. You’re afraid to ask for things or tell them something because you just don’t know how they would react.

2. Incessant lectures. Your partner constantly tells you how you’re so flawed and how you still need to improve in so many ways. But instead of trying to help you, they point your flaws out and behave like you’re a lost cause who can’t be helped because you’re too weak or dumb. 

3. Painful comparisons. Your partner constantly compares you, either with your more prettier or successful friends, and tells you how much better than you they are. Your partner may even be subtle and point out to celebrities and tell you how they’re so much more attractive than you.

4. Constant confusions. Your partner yells at you often. But when you try to argue back or prove that you’re right, they may even get down on their knees or humiliate themselves just to apologize to you and win your affection back.

5. You get blamed for no fault. Your partner blames you for no fault of yours. They blame you for your friend’s behavior, for the way the kids are, your friend’s divorce, or just about anything else. Sometimes, your partner may even hear about something on the television and yell at you because they’re pissed off!

6. Possessive jealousy. Your partner always has something negative to say about your friends, especially if they’re of the opposite sex. Your partner hates it when you get phone calls from your friends and sometimes even asks you to hang up the phone. They just don’t like it when you have an active social life. [Read: 15 subtle and shocking signs of a controlling boyfriend]

7. Your self esteem is crippled. Your partner constantly tells you how bad or worthless you are, and gets angry with you because you’re always relying on them. But even when you try to do something yourself, they tell you you’re not capable of making decisions and make you feel dumb all the time.

8. Two faced personality. Your partner’s behavior and attitude confuses you. At times, they may be extremely loving and caring. And at other times, they’re really mean and hurtful. You just can’t predict how they’ll react to anything you do.

9. The sadist inside. Your partner feels better about themselves when they point out your flaws or criticize you. They may be more jovial or happy on days when you’re overworking or stressed because of your own mistakes.

10. The humiliation. Your partner humiliates you or makes nasty remarks, especially around your friends or people who admire you.

11. Big demands. They set unreasonable expectations and make big demands from you, secretly hoping you’d fail so they can say ‘I told you so!’

12. Sexual manipulation. Your partner emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don’t like. They may even emotionally armtwist you by saying things like “Other girls/guys do it! Why can’t you?”

13. Big confessions. Your partner shares their problems with everyone who listens. But if you confess any of your problems, especially about the relationship, to your friends or family, your partner would get very upset with you.

14. Turning everyone against you. This is a sneaky trick that emotionally abusive partners use to gain advantage and leave you feeling helpless. Your partner may constantly crib about how difficult or dumb you are to everyone, including your friends, your family and even your kids. Your partner may even give biased examples just to convince everyone else and turn them against you so no one would take your side against theirs.

15. The silent treatment. If you stand up for something or try to take control of the situation, your partner may walk away in a huff and give you the silent treatment. An emotionally abusive partner works on guilt, and they hate giving power away in a relationship. Your partner may just ignore you until you apologize for opposing their decision! 

16. Physically abusive. Sometimes, your partner may resort to physical abuse like a slap, a painful pinch or even a threatening gesture just to scare you into submission when you oppose them for anything.

17. You’re not allowed to think. Emotionally abusive lovers take pleasure in taking full control of the relationship. They’d manipulate you one step at a time until you lose all confidence in your judgment. You convince yourself that you are not capable of taking any decisions yourself, without your partner’s guidance. 

18. Isolation and dependence. Initially, your partner may tell you they don’t like your friends or a particular family member. Soon, they may tell you to avoid that particular person. And before you realize it, your partner may carefully isolate you from everyone who was once close to you. And one fine day, you’d see that the only person you can go to for help or depend on is your partner.

19. Emotional memories. Your partner constantly reminds you of all the times you’ve screwed up each time there’s an argument or a discussion. They constantly bring up your failures or the mistakes you’ve made in your life to reinforce the idea that you depend on your partner and can’t survive by yourself without their help and guidance in life.

20. Your achievements don’t matter. Your partner glorifies even the smallest of their achievements and proudly brags about it. But on the other hand, no matter what you achieve or do, your partner always mocks your achievements and makes you feel silly for celebrating it.

21. Denial. Even when you point out their emotionally abusive ways, your partner doesn’t accept their emotionally abusive ways as a flaw. Instead, they convince themselves and try to convince you that they’re doing all this only to help you become a better person and stand on your own feet. 

If you’re not sure what you’re going through is abuse, just look at yourself from another person’s perspective. Or ask yourself how you would feel if your sibling or your child was living your life. Would you be happy for them? Would you want them to be subjected to such poor treatment?  If a relationship puts you constantly on the defense, drains you or makes you unsure of yourself thats a sign it’s time to walk away.

source

[haveyoulearnedallthesecretsyet]

Just came across this on my news feed and I am so angry. If you’re in a relationship and your partner demands this sort of behaviour from you then please GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.

Open and honest relationships are good. Having nothing to hide from your partner is good. BUT-

If your partner controls who you speak to, violates your privacy to the point that you have to censor your conversations with friends, makes you feel like you have to delete innocent conversations that they will take out of context, makes you delete old friends because they are of a gender you are attracted to THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

This is not a relationship this is a dictatorship. This is controlling, and manipulative, and abusive. Faithfulness is being faithful, not being a slave to your partner’s jealous whims. Please take things like this as alarm bells of abusive behaviour before it’s too late, I wish that I had.

[the-courage-to-heal]

Denial - This is when the abuser refuses to admit that they’ve done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It’s a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their true intentions.

This “Who… Me?” tactic is a way of playing innocent, and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the abuser about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It’s also the way the abuser gives themselves permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. This denial is not the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can’t quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a “defense” against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Rather, this type of denial is not primarily a “defense” but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he’s doing something wrong.

Selective Inattention – This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It’s when the abuser “plays dumb,” or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda. Often, the abuser knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this “I don’t want to hear it!” behavior. By using this tactic, the abuser actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change.

Rationalization – A rationalization is the excuse an abuser tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the abuser offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It’s a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do (quieting any qualms of conscience he might have) but also to keep others off his back. If the abuser can convince you he’s justified in whatever he’s doing, then he’s free to pursue his goals without interference.

Diversion – A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don’t like, he’s expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas.

Lying – It’s often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he’s doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don’t bear out somebody’s story. But there are also times when you don’t know you’ve been deceived until it’s too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because abusers of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat.

Another thing to remember is that manipulators – covert-aggressive personalities that they are – are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying’ omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep’s clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Overt Intimidation – Abusers frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert abusers intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert abusers favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics.

Guilt-tripping – One thing that abusers like narcissists and psychopaths know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon.

Abusive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they’re blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other abuser) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming – This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert abusers use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It’s an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an abuser to maintain a position of dominance.

Playing the Victim Role – This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else’s behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. One thing that covert abusers count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can’t stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you’re suffering in some way, and they’ll try to relieve your distress.

Vilifying the Victim – This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The abusers uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the abuser to better put the victim on the defensive.

Playing the Servant Role – Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It’s a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else’s behalf, covert abusers conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others.

Another recent scandal involving a tele-evangelist resulted in his church’s governance body censuring him for one year. But he told his congregation he couldn’t stop his ministry because he had to be faithful to the Lord’s will (God supposedly talked to him and told him not to quit). This minister was clearly being defiant of his church’s established authority. Yet, he presented himself as a person being humbly submissive to the “highest” authority. One hallmark characteristic of covert abuser is loudly professing subservience while fighting for dominance.

Seduction – Covert abusers are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. They are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren’t character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator’s ticket to incredible power over others.

Projecting the blame (blaming others) – Abusers are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. They are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they’re expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways.

Minimization – This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the abuser is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn’t really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It’s the aggressor’s attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I’ve presented the principal tactics that covert abusers like the narcissist or psychopath use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize but if we learn the tactics they use we can avoid being taken in by them.

source

[abusiverelationship-blog]

If he won’t let you leave the house without informing him of your every move, he is abusing you.

If he threatens to abandon you every time you have even the slightest argument or misunderstanding, he is abusing you.

If he sees you with tears streaming down your face and doesn’t even care, he is abusing you.

If he tells you you can’t talk to your friends anymore, he is abusing you.

If he threatens to hurt you or your family or friends or himself if you leave him, he is abusing you.

If he tells you what you can and can’t wear, he is abusing you.

If he breaks things and punches walls and screams at you when he’s angry, he is abusing you.

If he calls you rude or demeaning names and puts you down, he is abusing you.

If he continues to do things that hurt you or make you uncomfortable after you’ve asked him to stop, he is abusing you.

If he cheats on you, he is abusing you.

If he touches you or violates you or has sex with you against your will, he is abusing you.

If he tells you that nobody else will ever love you, he is abusing you.

If he yells at you about things that are his fault, he is abusing you.

If he doesn’t want you to go to school or have a job, he is abusing you.

If he gets insanely jealous over even the slightest things, he is abusing you.

If he laughs at you when you cry, he is abusing you.

If he controls all of the money in the house, and won’t let you have your own, he is abusing you.

If he threatens to take or harm your children if you try to leave him, he is abusing you.

If he makes fun of you for the things you love, he is abusing you.

If he destroys or tampers with your personal belongings to get back at you for something, he is abusing you.

If he treats you like shit all day and then whispers sweet nothings in your ear when you’re going to sleep about how much he loves you and is going to change and make you happy, he is abusing you.

Abuse is not always cuts and bruises. It can be psychological. Abuse is a serious thing whether it is physical or emotional. However, the signs of emotional abuse can be subtle and sometimes even go unnoticed by the person being abused. The abuser will do everything in their power to convince the person they are abusing that this is normal and that all couples go through this. They will try to convince you that what they are doing to you is your fault and that you deserve it. Please, please, reblog this to help people recognize these red flags. Emotional abuse can easily lead to physical abuse in the future. Add your own signs to the list let people know this is not normal and they do not deserve to be treated this way.

[ssugarandoldspice-blog]

What he says and what he means

“There has to be chemistry” - I have to want to fuck you.

“Are you open minded?” - I’m into some freaky shit. I’m probably submissive.

“Are you naughty?” - Do you fuck on the first date?

“Mutual attraction is important” - pretend to like me. Don’t flinch when my wrinkly hands fumble at you.

“I don’t pay for sex” - I’m too poor to pay for sex.

“I want to get to know you better, come over” - I want to know what you look like naked.

“So many scammers on here” - Girls keep rejecting my low offers.

“What’s in it for me?” - I have my dick in my hand, help me get off.

“I offer my companionship and mentoring” - I feel entitled to your body for nothing.

“Maybe next week baby” - I will never buy you that thing. But if you think I will, you might suck my small, flaccid penis some more.

“You don’t trust me” - I don’t want to pay you before I’ve cum inside you.

“The last girl I was with didn’t want money” - the last girl didn’t know her worth yet. Then she left me…

[treygotguap]

“You read my message but didn’t reply”

First of all, I didn’t mean to read it

[hipster-and-thoughts]

[xo-sydneysavage]

=^·^=

[xo-sydneysavage]

Hey there Plano! Greetings from North Dallas … how’s ur Spun Fun Saturday so far😇

[xo-sydneysavage]

#Dallasspunfun

[blunder]

do you ever feel the need to ask someone if they still want you in their life because it always feels like they don’t care about you or that you are bothering them.

[omgtsn]

[omgtsn]

a masterpost

[kat-reverie]

fUVK HSDGUJWKEG i love this

[mistahgrundy]

SPOOPY BUS

[blue-spew-deactivated20150603]

This is actually pissing me off. It has begun to ruin halloween for me knowing people don’t spell check. Things are massed produced in factories and sent out for sale to the public spelt spoopy, doo, and creppy. Like what the actual fuck. My computer even automatically changes spoopy to spooky. I mean, come on. The best holiday season and businesses don’t even care enough about it to spell check the items they’re gonna sell. Fuck this shit.

[omgtsn]

come on buddy wheres your smngfiehp cheer

[xo-sydneysavage]

I'm laughing way too hard at this.

[psychofactz]

[hastily-deactivated20210318]

That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.

(via sgfgenesis)

[thezodiacvibes]

Read more about your Zodiac sign