23 . @xoxoxoleanxo - Tumblr Blog

new-england-gentleman

Let’s cuddle and have unprotected sex all day and get you pregnant

traptacular-deactivated20180125

help-mywife

Help; my wife put this in the guest bathroom

theawesomeadventurer

duck titties will be banned on the 17th 😪

tarynel

I use to be hurt when someone stopped fucking with me but now man if ya wanna go then go. Life goes on.

glosshie

its so fuckin strange that one day, we’re gonna meet someone who falls head over heels in love with us?? isnt that fuckin weird?? theyre gonna see my favourite food in the supermarket and be like “oh ____ would love this!” theyre gonna wake up in the morning next 2 me and thank god for having us meet. theyre gonna look at me as if i’m the sun, moon and stars!! thats so fuckin odd

331miles

None.

sparreauxchirps

I just learned the origin of pink lemonade and I need you all to hear this.

So this dude selling concessions at a circus back in like 1857 ran out of lemonade and he needed water to make more, but there wasn’t a stream or water pump, BUT the BAREBACK HORSE RIDER had just washed her pink tights in a bucket of water, staining the water pink. So, being the enterprising fella he was, dude just threw in the lemons and sugar and told everyone it was special strawberry lemonade. Well, the circus patrons saw pink lemonade and thought, “That’s fucking amazing!” and he ended up selling twice as much lemonade than usual.

To reiterate.

This dude sold people sweaty horse crotch water and it was so popular it became an Actual Fucking Thing.

DELICIOUS.

ct-7567

Thats pussy babe!

swolizard

This was literally told in Fairly Oddparents but instead of turning pink it was granting wishes

anancientheart

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

anancientheart

whenever i post this it works reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet

elidaddyy

x

always-make-it-gayer

no offense but this is a cinematic masterpiece

oneechangoddess

Working in retail is wild, people just tell me things about their personal life and I just stand there. I don’t know how to respond to “my kid just died” or “I’m getting a divorce” like that’s sucks… $13.48 is your total.

secretsunkept

I hate the awkward transition too…… they could be telling me something deep and I’m tryna find the best time to ask if they want their receipt emailed…..

lexxnova

Let me nut in you

emjineer

So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.

emjineer

If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story

marry-and-mirthful

Storu

emjineer

Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.

My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.

She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.

She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“

Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.