The Helpless "Hero"

Everyone calls me a hero. Sammy, Bobby, Ellen, even Jo once...Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not. I guess they don't know me.  {Diagnosis: Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation & Actions, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD; see Diagnosis Page for complete diagnosis} Currently a patient at Colton Mental Hospital {main blog is i-am-deanwinchester}

[annaisoutcast]

[annaisoutcast]

Anna stared up at him then she smiled. ” i love that you stood up for us. I promise I’ll eat for you.” she hugs him tightly.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Really? That means a lot, Anna, it really does.” He hugged her back and nuzzled his nose into…

[annaisoutcast]

Anna smiles “At least it’s only a couple days right.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

"Yeah. Just a few days. " He smiled sadly and kissed her cheek. "I love you.." Dean shed his trademark leather jacket and handed it to her. "I think you'll want this," he mumbled. Dean had a plan; he'd gotten caught on purpose, talked back on purpose, and was now coming to the end of his plan. "I love you," he repeated, walking into the solitary confinement area, where the nurse grabbed a hold of his hands and checked him for contraband before explaining the rules and putting him in the cell.

[jamais-colton]

Gloomy Weather

[jamais-colton]

Lucifer would’ve laughed but instead he flinched. Alarm bells were going off in his head- literally- accompanied by the usual whispering voices. He looked out the window again. Jump. Jump. JumpjumpjumpjumpJUMP. He put his hand against the glass. “Shut UP!” He covered his ears and rocked slightly until the hallucination died down. “Shit- sorry.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean jumped at the sudden outburst but tried to cover it up by shaking his head. “Aw. Nah. ‘s not your fault. You okay?” He nibbled his lower lip then his nails. “Anythin’ I can do to help?”

[jamais-colton]

Lucifer covered his ears and shook his head quickly. His medication wasn’t working. What did Dean think he could do to help? H He slowly uncovered his ears and tried to ignore the feeling of hands on his back. Jump. He made a quick flapping motion next to his ear like he was swatting at a bug. “I need a minute.” He curled up and tried to block everything real out. Once he’d successfully figured out what he was hallucinating, he tried to block it out. He eventually relaxed and stretched out again. “I uh.. wasn’t yelling at you. I didn’t mean to snap like that.” He was just happy he hadn’t tried to jump. “Sorry if I scared you.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Useless. The word wasn't spoken, but it echoed in Dean's thoughts. He stared blankly at Lucifer, feeling useless as he couldn't help his new friend. "Okay," he replied with a quick nod of his head. Dean turned away then looked back when he began to speak. "I know," Dean responded confidently, "Uh..nah..you didn't scare me," he lied. "Is there anythin' you need? Water? Food? Blanket?"

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Fly Me To The Moon || power event -- levitation

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean laughed a sinister laugh. “Sassy. I like that.” He smirked then closed the gap between them. “You know what I mean. Personality-wise. You’re different.” 

[cowardicealone-deactivated20150]

The sinister laugh was not helping matters at all. “I have my moments. Now leave me alone!” As per usual her fear was being covered by anger since the latter was more acceptable to display.”How different I am or am not is of no consequence.” The pipes in the walls began to groan.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

"It matters to me," Dean purred, swooping down to stroke her cheek. At that moment, Dean's primary therapist was walking by and saw her patient gliding above the other. "Dean! Stop that." Dean whipped around to glare at his therapist. "Shuddup," he growled, landing gracefully on the floor and striding over to the psychologist.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Memories

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“No. No medical wing. Nuh uh.” He struggled to get out of the doctor’s grip, unable to muster the strength he needed. In the attempt, Dean managed to scratch a spot on his waist that was covered with scabs, causing it to begin to bleed. “I’m fine. Really. I-I’ll just go lie down for a bit.”

[scalpelsandsutures-blog]

“You need to go though. It’s important.” He carefully kept him in his grasp as much as possible to keep him stable. “You can lay down there, and I will keep an eye on you to make sure that is all you need.” He then noticed the blood. “You’re bleeding.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean let out a low whine. "No. Not goin'." His eyes went wide and he covered the growing bloodstain with one hand. "N-Nuh uh." He nibbled his lower lip in anxiety.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

They're Back

"Kill me," Dean snarled, his upper lip twitching. "There's gotta be a way." He sent out another electromagnetic pulse in hopes that it would harm himself in some way. "Goddammit!" he yelled. Dean smashed his head into a nearby wall before turning around and digging through his room to see if they had found his stash of sharps.

[jamais-colton]

Gloomy Weather

[jamais-colton]

Lucifer would’ve laughed but instead he flinched. Alarm bells were going off in his head- literally- accompanied by the usual whispering voices. He looked out the window again. Jump. Jump. JumpjumpjumpjumpJUMP. He put his hand against the glass. “Shut UP!” He covered his ears and rocked slightly until the hallucination died down. “Shit- sorry.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean jumped at the sudden outburst but tried to cover it up by shaking his head. “Aw. Nah. ‘s not your fault. You okay?” He nibbled his lower lip then his nails. “Anythin’ I can do to help?”

[annaisoutcast]

Anna stared up at him then she smiled. ” i love that you stood up for us. I promise I’ll eat for you.” she hugs him tightly.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Really? That means a lot, Anna, it really does.” He hugged her back and nuzzled his nose into her neck. “I’d do anything for you.”

[annaisoutcast]

“Well i guess I’ll walk you to your stay in solitary.” Anna  smiles weakly. “I’ll miss you.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean pressed his lips together and cast his gaze down to the floor. “Okay. I’m gonna miss you too.” He trodded alongside her until they reached the staircase leading to the confinement area.

[castielangeles-blog]

Twister

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“You seem really cool and I wanna get t’ know ya. Like, as a friend?” Dean smiled hopefully, his anxiety raising a little. He’d found most people didn’t like him all that much and he didn’t want to wreck this.

[castielangeles-blog]

“Oh.. oh… okay.” Castiel nodded, taking a breath. “You’re… kind, I like you so….” He shifted where he was, his hands going into his lap.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Aw. You think so? Thanks, Cas.” The corner of Dean’s lips twitched up a tad, his self-esteem hopping up slightly. “I like you too.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Memories

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean groaned from the floor and shrugged, still face-down into the floor. “’m fine,” he mumbled sarcastically, “Peachy. It’s great down here.”

[scalpelsandsutures-blog]

The doctor rolled his eyes a bit and moved down to help the other up off the floor. “We should get you to the medical wing, so we can find out what’s going on.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“No. No medical wing. Nuh uh.” He struggled to get out of the doctor’s grip, unable to muster the strength he needed. In the attempt, Dean managed to scratch a spot on his waist that was covered with scabs, causing it to begin to bleed. “I’m fine. Really. I-I’ll just go lie down for a bit.”

[scalpelsandsutures-blog]

Illusion Manipulation || Open

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Damn! This is awesome!” Dean chuckled then nodded to the doctor, “What else can you do?”

[scalpelsandsutures-blog]

“It certainly is interesting.” He replied and watched the patient. “I’m not yet sure what else I can do.”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Let’s try it out!” Dean hovered over to the doctor, adjusting himself to cover the fresh cuts scattered over his body. 

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Fly Me To The Moon || power event -- levitation

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“But I don’t want to,” he purred. Dean floated down to land his own eyes just above her eye-level. “You’re…different.” He tilted his head slightly and narrowed his eyes, cocking an eyebrow. 

[cowardicealone-deactivated20150]

“And I don’t care if you want to or not.” She was feeling cornered, which was never a good thing. “Yeah, right. Says the guy who is somehow flying.” And there was the denial. 

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean laughed a sinister laugh. “Sassy. I like that.” He smirked then closed the gap between them. “You know what I mean. Personality-wise. You’re different.” 

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

A Little Lost

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

james-reese:Dean blanched. “O-oh. Here? Wow. Sorry, kiddo, that must’ve sucked.” He bit his lip and chuckled softly at the reassurance. “Thanks. I hope so.” Dean thought for a moment then questioned, “If ya don’t mind me askin’…what’re you in for? I mean, you seem super normal and everything, plus you know a lot of stuff.”

[james-reese]

"Oh it’s fine." James smiled lightly, "I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD." He shrugged, like it was a casual conversation. "I was kidnapped…got into to some drugs…it was a bad time for me."

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Yet again, Dean felt terrible for asking. “Jeez. Y-you’ve really been through a lot of crap.” He nibbled his bottom lip and felt obligated to share his reasons. “If ya want, I’ll tell you why I’m here,” he murmured.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Fly Me To The Moon || power event -- levitation

[cowardicealone-deactivated20150]

She could sense that someone had followed her out. Unfortunately the person she didn’t want to follow her had followed her. “Leave me the hell alone.” She hissed.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“But I don’t want to,” he purred. Dean floated down to land his own eyes just above her eye-level. “You’re...different.” He tilted his head slightly and narrowed his eyes, cocking an eyebrow. 

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

A Little Lost

[james-reese]

"She actually used to be a patient at the hospital before she transferred." James admitted, "And I think Sam will be successful, and don’t worry, the circumstances that led to be being here were entirely made up of random instances and unluckiness. It’s statistically rare, so I think Sam will be fine." James tried to reassure, but he’s always been bad at it.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean blanched. “O-oh. Here? Wow. Sorry, kiddo, that must’ve sucked.” He bit his lip and chuckled softly at the reassurance. “Thanks. I hope so.” Dean thought for a moment then questioned, “If ya don’t mind me askin’...what’re you in for? I mean, you seem super normal and everything, plus you know a lot of stuff..”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Memories

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“‘m Dean. I remember a nurse takin’ the razorblades they found in my room away from me, then it all goes black.” He frowned and tried to stand up, leading to a hard fall on his front and a loud grunt. “Sonuvabitch..”

[scalpelsandsutures-blog]

Zexion wasn’t sure how long ago that had happened. He hadn’t been involved, so he didn’t know. He moved to catch the other as he fell, but he was just a bit too far away. “Are you all right?”

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

Dean groaned from the floor and shrugged, still face-down into the floor. “’m fine,” he mumbled sarcastically, “Peachy. It’s great down here.”

[annaisoutcast]

Anna stared up at him then she smiled. " i love that you stood up for us. I promise I'll eat for you." she hugs him tightly.

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Really? That means a lot, Anna, it really does.” He hugged her back and nuzzled his nose into her neck. “I’d do anything for you.”

[jamais-colton]

Gloomy Weather

[jamais-colton]

Lucifer laughed. "Your definition of quiet and mine are likely to be very different." He never expected anyone to say anything he did was normal. "Anything louder than this conversation and I need to leave. It gets to be too loud, combined with everything else."

[xpretendingeverythingsalrightx]

“Ahh.” Dean nodded and smiled in understanding. “Sure, I may not seem like it, but I think we’ve got a lot in common besides why we’re here.” He slid over to sit against the wall and face Lucifer.