One Step at a Time

NorCal Native. SoCal stole my heart. Currently residing across the Pacific in Taipei, Taiwan. Teaching English to Taiwanese kiddies while exploring life. I blog about everything. Unfiltered. Uncensored.

[xsuzieyang]

2022?

Hi.

[xsuzieyang]

I had a really interesting dream on the year anniversary of my eldest uncle’s passing.

I guess it was his way of saying that he’s okay. 

I mean it was quite random since WH was there but? Ok. lol.

I guess he was communicating thru him or something. LOL.

Uncle Jimmy, I understand. I know. You’re okay. Thank you for letting me know.

Please say hi to Butters for me, ok? <3

[xsuzieyang]

Life is flow...

Monsta X - Flow

[xsuzieyang]

Perhaps 2021 will be better.

[xxkittenbebexx]

Right now the me without you. Erase it.It’s seems like an imagination. Nothing makes sense without you

Mirror - Wonho

(via

xxkittenbebexx

)

[xsuzieyang]

I just remembered the username and password to this account. Hi. It’s been almost a year... How has life been treating you lately? lol.

So much has taken place and yet so little has changed...? Hmmm?

[xsuzieyang]

We seem to live in a world where even allegations can ruin somebody’s career. Someone’s life.

We seem to live in a world where people who cyberbully get away with a lot. And why is that? Why is the world so eager to turn its back on people?

Please tell me why.

[xsuzieyang]

Do I travel a lot?

January 2019 - Korea : Fri 4 - Sun 6

February 2019 - X

March 2019 - X

April 2019 - Korea : Fri 12 - Tue 16

May 2019 - X

June 2019 - Malaysia : Sat 22 - Mon 24

July, August 2019 - USA : Mon 29 - Tue 13

September 2019 - X

October 2019 - Macau/HK Thu 10 - Sun 13 (as of 9/10/19)

November 2019 - XX

December 2019 - XX

I need to save money.

[xsuzieyang]

I’m really gonna try and vlog for real within the next few days to weeks. Promise.

[xsuzieyang]

https://t.co/aXxWHDzbwg?amp=1

[xsuzieyang]

I’m really gonna try and vlog for real within the next few days to weeks. Promise.

[xsuzieyang]

Home?

In about three weeks, I will be returning to America to visit my family... The HOME that I was born and raised in, up until I was 24... Well, 24 and a few days. After that, I made my move to Taiwan, which has been my home the last four years and counting.

But let’s be real - returning home is different for me. Why? Well, I’m sure a lot of people already know the following...

My family has rented our house in San Francisco CITY and has relocated to Southern California - more specially, Los Angeles.. They’ve bid goodbye to Karl the Fog and expensive taxes with delicious tap water and opted for the City of Angeles? lol.

So when I say I’m returning home to visit, I’m basically saying.. I’m going back to America to visit family. NOT necessarily, home.

Home is where the heart is, no? Yeah. That’s it. As for having a physical home, a house... I’m not quite sure how to feel it.

I’m based in Taiwan but I am also, somewhat based in Taiwan. So when I return “home” what am I actually returning “home” to? I’m returning to the house that my sister and her family has bought. My sister and her husband’s home. Their family plus my parents - the grandparents to my nephew who is turning one this month.

Do I really have a home? Does it qualify? 

I think I’m always going to call... San Francisco home... It’s my hometown. It’s where I’ve made so many memories growing up. Did I enjoy growing up in one of the most expensive cities in America? Ahh... maybe not after I learned the actual value of a dollar.. LOL. 

Don’t get me wrong - I don’t think I could ever live in San Francisco anymore... It just feels like a part of my life there, has ended.. Or has been put on the back burner. indefinitely. 

Going to school in the Orange County and then getting a taste of life in Southern California really opened my mind and my eyes up to the wonders of what other places offer... I MEAN, why am I even in Taiwan? Because different can be good. Different can be really good.. lol.

I guess I’ll just have to see what happens when I visit/return home to visit at the end of the month. After finishing graduation performances and whatnot, I think I can actually relax when I’m back on American soil.

I think it’s going to be interesting.

DO I SOUND REALLY DRAMATIC? HHAHAHAHAHAH

[lifeinpoetry]

What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in the world this year? But most importantly: what have you found to be unkillable?

Arabelle Sicardi, from “The Year in Ugliness,” published in The Poetry Project

[xsuzieyang]

It’s been about a month?

A lot has happened.

I’m honestly feeling sort of...

I’m not quite sure how to put it..

Mixed emotions? Is that it? Perhaps.

A lot will be happening the next few weeks as well.

I feel like I usually have a good amount of stuff going on, but I just tend not to blog. I just spend more time talking to my friends and coworkers.. Talking to my sister about things... 

One day, though. I used to write pretty personal things online. But I think it’s very on and off for me.

[xsuzieyang]

Adulting so hard.

But I mean, I am definitely not in my early 20s anymore.

I should be an actual adult already.

But I do feel like a kid a lot of the time.

I spent so much time with kids everyday - you’d think I’d feel more adult.

Not at all.

Filed TW taxes. Went to see the derm. Finished a lot of paperwork at home. 

Showered. Washed my hair. Finished my communication books.

Now I just need to sleep. I’m quite exhausted.

Mother’s Day event for my Small class students tomorrow.

Which means I need to look presentable tomorrow.

Which shouldn’t be too bad??? lol

Anyway.

The end.

[xsuzieyang]

America.

See you at the end of July.

It’s May.

Time will fly by so quickly.

Incredibly quickly.

Lordt.

[xsuzieyang]

It’s like I create stress for myself.

It’s like I do this to myself because I want to be better than before.

But it’s also like, you know what, I really don’t care anymore.

It’s also like, why do I even bother when you don’t even care?

Man.. I walk a fine line of contradictions.

Heh.

[xsuzieyang]

How do you help someone who doesn’t admit that they need help?

How do you help someone who won’t admit that they need help?

How do you help someone who has already hit rock bottom.... Gosh. This world.

In other news.

Hi, March.