excerpts from a wallflower

[xthesinnamonroll]

She prayed for Peter Pan to knock on her window 

Awake me from my deepened sleep Take me to the second star in the right  Over rivers through mountains steep Straight on till morning, through the night 

Take me to Neverland  Where no one would ever leave Take me away from this land  So I can put my heart at ease 

[xthesinnamonroll]

and I think, if you truly love someone...

you give them your affection without expecting anything in return

[xthesinnamonroll]

october, 2018

Three whole words and eight letters late That would have worked on me yesterday We're not the same, I wish that could change But it can't

-Fireworks by You Me at Six 

[xthesinnamonroll]

How’s it going to end?

another day, another uncertainty  all blinded by clouded thoughts running through absurdity while trying to break the codes

it’s a secret of the universe nothing’s been shown  could be better, could be worse everything is unknown

[xthesinnamonroll]

“And you should understand that sometimes you mean so much more to some people, sometimes you carry their souls without you even realize it” 

-a friend of mine 

[xthesinnamonroll]

July, 2018

so many questions hanging in the sky

it hurts to wonder why 

dying to know the answer 

yet never ready for the answer 

[xthesinnamonroll]

July, 2018

You read me your favorite lines of a book that you want me to read, but my mind can’t help wandering around the possibilities of what could’ve happened if we live in the same city.

I remind myself that we should be nothing more than friends but our late-night phone calls keep me asking for more. I try not to romanticize these feelings between us cause I don’t want to get my hopes too high and break my own heart just like the last time.

But here I am, writing another story about you. You probably know I’m not the kind of girl who can easily connect with other people but I happened to find you. I let you see my inner world and I let myself drown and captivated by your thoughts.

Yes, we talk for hours, but on valentines day you bought her flowers. I have no rights to be jealous though, after all, we’re just two people who have a lot of things in common. We’re just like a mirror, we offer some kind of validation to each other.

You called me baby girl but you slept with another girl. Still, I have no right to be jealous. We built the illusion that we were more than just a fling. Maybe because we need someone to fill the void or someone who can be a painkiller on your worst day.

I try to understand that maybe if we live in the same city it would be different. I came up with many excuses but still, I can’t help blaming myself for falling for you, for being naive, and for not allowing other people to get to know me as you do.

and Instead of not having you, I deny everything that has happened and start over. I don’t know if your feeling was ever real or I was just being delusional but it seems like I can’t get out of this cycle and for once again, I give you the power to break my heart.