screaming

Beth (DID system Exile) • read pinned

[xxbraindeadlyxx]

Hi, I'm Beth

[23/any pronouns]

Agender and grey-bisexual

Autistic with fibromyalgia as well as BPD/DID/EDN0S

I'm part of a DID system, but I'm not going to post/talk about my headmates. This is my personal space for recovery and community.

This used to be an ed blog, but I decided to recover. Sometimes I will post vents about my struggles with recovery, and I will tag them when I do

I like art, emo music, Adventure Time, and boba ♡

🚫 DNI 🚫

minors

fatphobes

pro-(ana/mia)s

queerphobes

racists

ableists

NSFW blogs (particularly ed fetishists)

MAPs

Blank blogs

[only-knives]

I've been thinking about getting a wheelchair to help with my pain and weakness. It's gotten really bad and I've been falling a lot, and I miss having the energy to do things. I'm scared that I'm just faking it though cause it's such a big step

I understand the fear. It is a big step - or rather, we live in a society that makes it a huge deal whether we use a wheelchair or not. At the end of the day, it's just a device that makes it so you can get from point A to point B while sitting down.

You're falling a lot and we don't want you getting hurt. We want you to be safe, and in less pain. A wheelchair sounds like it'd help a lot, and I'm sure you'd be able to tell once you get one and adjust to using it.

As for feelings of faking... It isn't too likely that you're experiencing all this and unwittingly faking it. And even if you were, you deserve to be safe. Whatever is causing your symptoms, it can't all go away in an instant. So if a wheelchair would keep you safe and improve your quality of life, that's what matters most. Not why you need it. Just the fact you do.

[xxbraindeadlyxx]

Recovering might mean gaining weight, and I'm okay with that

[teacosypunk]

abled ppl who insist they aren't ableist are actually so chill with eugenics until you call it eugenics

"well offering euthanasia to people with disabilities who can't afford to live is–" eugenics. it's eugenics.

"why do disabled people have children? I mean they're just consigning them to this painful life–" eugenics <3

"but their quality of life is so reduced how can they justify bringing kids into–" ✨eugenics✨

"maybe medicine has advanced too far. I mean why are we keeping people with [insert condition here] alive when their quality of life–" EUGENICS

idc if you're ✨concerned✨ for my ✨quality of life✨ that's a) not your problem and b) something which could be improved by providing better accommodations for disabled ppl and making sure we have to deal with less ableist bullshit and ableist assholes like yourself.

[xxbraindeadlyxx]

Why I'm trying to recover

I'm tired of numbers controlling my life. I don't want to count and calculate everything. Everything in my life revolves around being as small as possible, no matter what it takes.

I'm so terrified to deviate from what I do every day because I'm afraid any small thing could ruin it. But then I end up in a plateau, binging, isolating myself in shame, and/or burning out and needing to lay in bed for two weeks because I'm doing the most and giving myself the least and I don't get what I'm looking for anyway.

I push myself to do things I don't want to do, and I'm afraid to do things I do want to do. I can't go out with friends, I can't eat with my partner, I can't have a CARAMEL FUCKING MACCHIATO because I'm scared of how the sugar will affect my weight.

It's exhausting, I'm miserable, my health is garbage, and everyone keeps looking at me like I'm hopeless. My hair is brittle, my skin is angry, I'm a fall risk, my digestive process is unpleasant, and my periodic binges are cutting into my food budget-There Are So Many Reasons. The biggest reason is that I want to LIVE.

I just had top surgery last month, and I am so happy. I feel at home in my body and don't want to punish it anymore. At this point, it's compulsory. I do it because I feel like I should. It's been like 10+ years.

It's so hard to let these habits go. I'm still counting calories in my head, avoiding certain food and ingredients, and I'm still bodychecking. Every time I go to the mirror, I check everything. I stand there for way too long, looking at myself. I still want all the same things I wanted before I decided to recover. I still want the body I idealized in my head all these years. But I also know that it's not about the number on the scale or whether or not I can wrap my fingers around my bicep; it's about reaffirming my control over myself. But I have lost control of the situation. So I'm not going to frantically grasp at control anymore.

I'm going to (try very hard to) accept that I can not have complete and total control over everything all the time. Or even most of the time. Unpredictability is part of life, and starving myself will not protect me from future pain nor make up for what happened in previous situations where I didn't have control. Neither will substance abuse or self-harm. I have to find safety in other ways. I have to comfort myself in other ways. And figuring that out is hard, but worth it.

[myalgicencephalomyelitiscfstom]

[transgendz]

My roomate and I are trans, disabled, and homeless. We just suffered a traumatic loss in our lives, and we are grieving. Due to unexpected help from my roomates abusive parents, we met our last goal and have food for a week. Now we can focus on our health, which, good bc we are both sick. Thank you to everyone who is helping us get through this, this is the worst it's been.

Putting all this in the same post is a mess idk how to avoid rn so. We need an air purifier, and I will probably need to go to the Dr soon and fund a surgery I've been needing for 6+ months. We also will need to pay our storage bill. And next week's rent.

Some of these issues are more urgent than others, but all are urgent. This goal covers all of it though, surgery included.

Dm me for proof or details. I'll do art for anyone who gives $100+ my art blog is @theartistrans

$creepiecrippl

V3nm0: @tab-99

Go to paypal.me/creepiecrpple and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

$151/$5,500

[crazycatsiren]

I don't know which thin person needs to hear this, but leave fat people alone.

[cistematicchaos]

Y’all DO know self-harm is included in body positivity/neutrality, right? You should not be shaming people for self-harming OR having self-harm scars, much less shaming them for their scars being visible. 

It’s not “setting a bad example” or “encouraging” self-harm to not be an ass about it. That’s literally in the basis of body positivity/neutrality. 

[xxbraindeadlyxx]

Your best is enough

Your best is enough

Your best is enough

Your best is enough

Your best?

It's enough.

If you're trying, you're doing a good job. That's it.

[xxbraindeadlyxx]

♡

[aggregatefruitsystem]

[sysboxes]

[Text: This system struggles with emotional dissociation and can’t tell if it’s switching or the BPD/PTSD.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[talkethtothehandeth]

Let’s talk about cripple punk. All I see are people trying to use the word cripple, but not paying attention to what cripple punk actually means.

It was created on here, in 2014 by Tyler Trewhella.

Edit: “It challenges the idea that people with disabilities need to appear morally good to deserve the absolute bare minimum support of ableds”— that we have to exist as submissive and let everyone look down on us in one way or another. It’s about the concept that we don’t have to look a certain way or act a certain way to be valued as a disabled person. We don’t have to conform to the innocent disabled person who can do no wrong, and might as well be considered a godsend child at that point.

It advocates for cripples who don’t allow ableds to try to harm us, who aren’t polite, and who will take your knees (oh it’s me) if you’re being an ableist piece of shit, who take drugs and exist in a body or life outside of society’s standards. It’s demanding disabled people, no matter the disabilities, be treated as humans, not an angelic inspiration.

Cripple punk is so much more than just applying a label to yourself.

[tyaz]

If drug bad why fun

[4mnity-deactivated20260216]

exactly my point

[candygrlsworld]

Doja cat is definitely on the top of my list for my biggest style icons🍦🍭🍬

[rslashrats]

so mamy people will go up to an it/its user unprompted and go “ugh i hate using those pronouns on people :/ its so… dehumanizing” like okay. but it specifically asked to be called that

[rslashrats]

maybe this is controversial but refusing to use someones pronouns because said pronouns are slightly out of your comfort zone is infinitely more dehumanizing than a person using it/its for itself

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]