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@xxdonghae-blog
Donghae x Jessica || for my lovely baby boos
“When you’re in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.”
au meme; the twilight saga | tiffany as victoria, jessica as bella swan, donghae as edward cullen
` the problem with love stories
“i accept your apology, but i don’t forgive you.”
he already knew the answer, but he still had to wonder why she was fighting it. he had to wonder why she was denying what actually was and what they both knew could be. he had to wonder why she was being so difficult--why they were being so difficult when they were probably the truest, most honest thing donghae knew.
but trying to understand the why's and the how's and the what's of their relationship was sort of like trying to understand radio waves, or imagining computers communicating along glass cables.
he watched her turn around and he heard the words and it made him feel like a child, unable to understand what was really happening even though he was fully aware.
he wanted to say hey and he wanted to say hey i know i'm sorry i don't expect you to; tell me what i need to do; i'll do anything. because she seemed like the only real, constant thing left in his life and he wanted her to stay.
no--he wanted her. period.
he wanted her and everything about her. and he thought about it and he found himself hoping that she wanted him too. the idea of it wasn't all too far-fetched, when he really thought about it. it was just not at all obvious--it was an idea undergoing denial and he wanted it not to be.
but let's just say that donghae's come to terms with the fact that you can't control everything a long time ago.
he wanted to do something, and he wondered if she wanted him to do something.
"i didn't expect you to," he said in all honesty. he knew her. he did. they could deny it all they wanted but they knew each other well enough to know how one would respond to something.
but surprises were always possible.
he reached out a hand to touch her forearm, gently coaxing her to turn around.
"i just need to know one thing," he started, waiting for her to turn around and face him.
` the problem with love stories
staring at him now, she realized how much she truly missed him. she missed his sardonic remarks, trademark smirk, and the fact he could only reply with “been busy?” even though they were both well aware what was going on between the two of them — god, she had missed him.
but he would never know that.
“you could say that,” she responded expressionlessly. her lips formed into a tight line. “what about you? you must have been if you didn’t bother to call, to write, to … do anything.”
jessica spoke through gritted teeth as she had to constantly keep mentally kicking herself to remember to keep her emotions in check. despite the fact she utterly hated him at that moment, she couldn’t help but reminisce on the friendship the two had.
donghae was the first person she truly felt the need to be with. not in a romantic way, more in the way that his presence just set her at ease. with the rest of her friends, she wouldn’t be able to tell them her troubles. but with donghae, she had the yearning to just pour her soul to him and let him protect.
plus — dare she say it because he was a dumb fucking vampire and an institute kid —, he was one of the sole people she found to be equal with her. whether it be skill or personality wise, something about him made him not so … inferior as every other non-renegade mutant she crossed paths with.
but then again, he would never know that.
she was upset. it didn't take a genius to figure it out--and donghae was far from stupid.
the air was heavy with unspoken words and unsaid feelings. mostly feelings she continuously refused to admit to (because he had long since accepted the fact that he loved her, pale skin and flowing brunette hair and trigger-happy renegade family and all) and he wished he could do something to make the atmosphere more... agreeable as he could do to people, but he couldn't. and all he could really do was wait.
he started taking few tentative steps forward, shrugging his shoulders, the look in his eyes reflecting an apology. "i'm a jerk," he confessed--although it wasn't as much of a confession as it was a factual statement. "it's one of my most remarkable traits." by the time he said that last sentence, the distance between them had been reduced to a more normal conversational one, maybe a little too close for comfort because they were overly sensitive with the centimeters, but it was close enough so he could talk in whispers and she could hear clearly.
he looked straight at her, scanning her features, eyes flickering from her brown orbs to her soft lips before staring back at her. studying. admiring. he had no right to do this but fuck the rules. they were way past normality, anyway.
"i'm sorry," he said sincerely. he was in one of his rare moments that only she could ever really bring out. "it's lame. i know. but--i'm sorry," he said. and he said it the way people who just wanted to express how apologetic they were, not really expecting to be forgiven but just in desperate need of the satisfaction that they had said what they wanted to said and could go on with no regrets and wasted thought of what if's and could have been's, said it.
` the problem with love stories
in a single breath, her head began spinning and her heart’s rhythm erratically increased just by his presence alone.
she had dreamed about this day shortly after his departure. what he would look like, what he would say, what she would say — but all of those thoughts diminished as she took in the sight that was him.
it was all too overwhelming.
a part of her yearned to just wrap her arms around his neck, to get her fingers hopelessly tangled in his hair as they blissfully kiss to make up for lost time. but her head won over her heart, and reason started to flood her mind.
he had left her.
with that, the awestruck expression on her face faded away as her anger began to boil inside of her. pressing her lips into a thin line, she furrowed her eyebrows as sparks flashed around her head to emphasize her current mood. crossing her arms, she glared at him.
“donghae,” she mockingly stated, her tone more serious and emotionless than his.
Things could be uncomplicated. Simple. Easy as breathing.
But she was Jessica Jung and he was Lee Donghae and they wouldn't be the perfectly mismatched duo they were if things were uncomplicated and simple and easy.
Deep down neither of them really wanted that, anyway. Deep down they knew that they wouldn't be able to function correctly if they were like that. Fact of the matter was that what they wanted was excitement. Adventure. Maybe a little danger. Something a little suffocating, something that stole their oxygen and made it just a little harder to breathe.
They wanted each other. But it could never be just that simple. Denial was futile, but they were too stubborn and proud to admit it.
For a moment, he honestly didn't know what to say. He had nothing to say.
But there was always something to say.
And here was where he was supposed to say something characteristically smart and charmingly sarcastic. Something to start their usual witty banter but never have circumstances been more acceptable for an exception--one he couldn't exactly help.
He was supposed to say sorry, actually. But in the end he decided that sorry was too lame a word and sorry was too inexcusable an apology for what he did. He didn't want to be one of those people that left, came back, said sorry and expected to be welcomed with open arms. At least, not to her.
It was all so uncharacteristically honest and quiet and real.
And Donghae wasn't even surprised by the intensity of the emotions rushing into him at the moment. His humanity switch had been flicked open--and he couldn't shut it back off.
The best he could do was pace himself.
He looked around. Night. Forest. Not exactly the setting he expected a relaxed Jessica Jung to be in. "Been busy?"
` the problem with love stories
( ... )
lee donghae.
her heart skipped a beat.
That's the funny thing about coincidences--they're not.
Everything happens for a reason. It's a tested and proven fact, not some cheesy life motto he read from the Entertainment section of a newspaper. Nothing's ever really a coincidence. Not that time he checked into the same hotel as his long-time target--which he ended up killing, not that time he stumbled upon his old friend who ended up giving him back his vampire assassin job, and certainly not this.
This was much too real and much too intentional to be a coincidence.
In the lick of a second, barely giving her enough time to blink or even take another breathe, he was off the roof and in front of her--because coming up behind her is much too cliche.
And it felt so good to see her again, to breathe her scent in again, to almost feel her again, to have her this physically close.
Not that he deserved to feel good about anything.
But he couldn't help it; she was as intoxicating as ever, her scent hypnotic, and her heartbeat enticing.
Then he just stood there, a good few centimeters from her, taking in the sight he had missed the most.
"Jessica," he mindlessly uttered the most overused and over-thought name he knew, the one he'd never ever get tired of.
gonna interrupt this haesica talk for a moment to say that i really love your writing and absolutely love your drabbles and i wish i could find them all in one tag so i can read them over and over and over again but anyways yes you are amazing ;;
w hat
donghae deserves better i agree haesica ew
you just want him all to yourself he doesn't blame you don't worry
iommiiii ilu but haesica ew
go awei
` the problem with love stories
When the witches created the vampires, they must have made them with built in magnets that only the allure of darkness and their strange but unquestioned and irrevocably existential love of solitude could never fail to attract.
Donghae pondered the probable theory as he sat on the roof of the abandoned and beaten down concrete house--which time and circumstance have obviously not been kind to, what with it's broken windows, doorless entrance and paintless concrete walls--that sat about a few good kilometers away from the Institute, in the middle of a mildly grassy clearing; he had discovered the place about a year ago on one of his many field trips to the goddamn woods, when he was feeling particularly and pathetically sad, his vampire self heightening every emotion that swam inside him ten fold. And only Donghae would ever spend his third night on a gorgeous island the way he was now.
He had literally lost count of how long it had been since he last set foot on Jeju. There was that one time he jumped off a building, which was about a few days or weeks or months ago, but that wasn't what he meant, anyway.
He just sat there, a glass of Bourbon placed on the surface beside him--because only Donghae would bring an expensive-alcohol-filled five-star hotel's fancy as fuck glass to the roof of an abandoned house in the middle of the woods.
He breathed in the night air and took in the clear skies and the stars that resembled so much little yellow lights that swam in the darkness.
And this was where a montage of better times was supposed to play back in his head--a time of happiness and contentment where he loved the wonder celestial bodies brought because he could still romanticize everything and infinity had a less literal meaning; forever was more of a magnificent idea than an inevitable curse.
But that didn't happen.
There was no cheesy music and no melodramatic and heartbreakingly happy slideshow of fanfuckingtastic memories to put cheesy music over.
There was only the memory of almost two hundred years of--what's a less dramatic way to put this--misery.
Not that he didn't enjoy being the eternal heartthrob and all--he did. It just... It just kind of got tiring after a while.
A small grin escaped his lips about the same time as that self-condescending scoff left him. He picked up his glass and sipped, shaking his head a bit at how pathetic and horribly cliche he was being.
Lone vampire sitting atop an abandoned house in the middle of the woods on a moonlit night.
Seriously. How much more typical can you get than that?
Not that it mattered, though. And not that he cared all that much, either.
He was just wondering exactly when he started acknowledging the fact that he was, indeed, dramatic and often times pensive to a fault.
Heightened emotions and other vampire shit.
He also began to wonder--because yes, he needed to know--exactly when he had grown used to wondering if a certain Renegade was still blond and there and alive and wonderful. He needed to know the how's and the when's and the why's of his tendency to think of Jessica more than half the time--corny as it is, it's inevitable--and just ... wonder.
haesica?
mhm
iommi why are you still using donghae account B((((
bc haesica. soon.
50 shades of doghae = u =
go awei omg
man you might not even be iommi and lying to me
u have trust issues
why should i trust you out of all people then
why shouldn't you
B| g2bed.
♥
