:))

hello i am samantha boom kapow

[tuxum]

oh my fucking god

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

i somehow managed to cramp my ass from laughing so hard

[adobopunk]

[gphil]

Ladies and gentlemen, the funniest president in the history of ever.

[samberglar]

i have so much homework

what movie should i watch

[sunflower0009-deactivated202006]

[trentacool-deactivated20141231]

I come home from a six hour drive from Los Angeles back to my house and im fuckin hungry so im gonna make a quesadilla right and i sprinkle the fucking cheese on the tortilla right and i put it in the microwave except the microwaAVE ISNT THERE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MICROWAVE WHERE THE FUCK IS IT SOMEONEN STOLE MY GODDAMNED MICROWAVE WHILE I WAS VACATIONING. MY TV IS STILL HERE EVERYTHING IS STILL HERE THEY STOLE MY GOIDAMNED MICROWVAE. ITS FUCKING GONE WHAT THE HELL I JUST WANT A GODAMNED MOTHEFUCKING QUESADILLA

[reallyabitch]

wow you have very nice looking hands…… i bet they would look even better wrapped up in mine…..

[tremolo-delay-deactivated201712]

or around my dick

[reallyabitch]

or clasped together in prayer askin god to help you see the error of your ways

[stupidfuckingquestions]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[gangofyouth-deactivated20170418]

This will forever be the best thing on the internet.

[niknak79]

[10knotes]

This post has been featured on a 1000Notes.com blog!

[divertirme-deactivated20160620]

[lunalovebad]

can 2014 be the year i become hot

[xyzsamantha]

my dad just told me “you dont get enough D because you don’t leave your room” and it took me a few seconds to realise that he was talking about vitamin D and not my sex life

[xyzsamantha]

i dont wanna do this, but i do, but i cant bc this doesnt work, and im tired, and im also done, done with you, lol bye

[shawtysdead]

[paranormal-blacktivity]

this is the kind of cake I want for my birthday

[death-by-lulz]

This post has been featured on a 1000Notes.com blog!

[niknak79]

[swagfagfashion-deactivated20150]

when i was born i was given the choice between a big dick or a great memory

[mcdungeon]

which did you choose

[swagfagfashion-deactivated20150]

i don’t remember