gemini

This isn’t for you.

[yaboigemini]

If it’s been awhile. So long that maybe you think I don’t care anymore. Let every post here prove you wrong.

[yaboigemini]

100 days.

[yaboigemini]

Today i looked at the moon and it brought my thoughts to you

[yaboigemini]

remember when she told me

Wandering child of the earth you are destined for more

[yaboigemini]

I feel like punishing myself for trying to connect with my parents again after they’ve treated me like shit and shown me no love yet again

I feel like I should punish myself for being so stupid as to try that again and again and again

When will I learn

[yaboigemini]

Nothings more painful than age regressing with your parents because you’re hoping maybe they’ll love you this time and they never do

[yaboigemini]

We shouldn’t feel like a crime

[yaboigemini]

all along there was some invisible string

tying you to me

[yaboigemini]

Unfortunate caretakers

It’s sad that I have to be careful with the way I love you. I have to be careful about loving you at all. I can’t accept your love because it will quickly turn to poison. I want to harbor hate in my heart for you but unfortunately I see you as a person, an unfortunate person, a person I was supposed to have better memories with. I’m afraid of letting my anger destroy me, but I regret letting myself get the inch closer to you that I’ve gotten. Your time will be up soon, what will I feel then? Your illness will kill you and I never expected to cry. I hate my heart sometimes.

[yaboigemini]

I know other people could love me, it’s not something I don’t believe even if I can’t look it in the face right now. I know I’ll never be able to love another person the way I loved her.

I’ll find a way to be ok no matter what. That’s one of the things she loved about me.

[yaboigemini]

Dear Denymaia,

I honestly don’t know what just happened. I was thinking, what’s one thing I could improve right now, what’s one thing I could do to show up in the same way I’d show up if you were here, and my brain came up with, start dressing the way you used to, start expressing yourself the way you used to through fashion and I guess my brain took it so literally and focused on nothing but creating the perfect outfit and I did nothing but that and now it’s three forty am I just spent two hours in the middle of the night piecing together an outfit and I feel so weird now all my motivation is gone that clear path I saw in front of me is gone now I thought changing my appearance would fix it somehow and clearly it did not but honestly what the fuck I’m concerned for myself how did this happen exactly

[yaboigemini]

I know youll be back, im just wanting it to be soon.

[yaboigemini]

I miss my 14, 15, 16 year old selves, and i’m going to miss this year’s version of myself too. Why am I always having to say goodbye? I never want to change and it feels like I’m the only one who feels it so strongly. I never want to be older.

[yaboigemini]

You said, I can’t come back, but that was before you knew.

[yaboigemini]

Soon you’ll be tired of wandering and tired of seeing and when that happens you’ll come home. Soon you’ll realize what you exaggerated and what never happened and what can change and you’ll come home. I have complete faith that you’ll be here soon.

[yaboigemini]

I refuse to die a tragedy

You’re on your way home to me.

[yaboigemini]

autumn 2019