So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet.
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so"
"It was my fault that I was molested."
"I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way.
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others.
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
First of all, yes, this is literally my worst nightmare. Two, feels like a gimmick, like they saw "the pitt is the bear of medical drama" and thought it was a sign to pump up the anxiety. Yipeee
Three: some good news, this confirms my theory that Richie's accident will take place after the last service, cause there is no way he had the accident and went to work that same day without at least a couple scars. Plus, he is wearing his suit under the jacket in the accident, as @whenmemorydies told me recently. I think the last service would happen around episode 5-6, then the last two episodes would be the true climax. After the last service, everyone went home, and then the accident happened.
Four: On that note, this also gives me hope that some things I was expecting would be addressed. I think all of this last service promo is to distract from the actual ending. If it is one day, and it is likely also the last day after Carmy decided to leave, it means the green sweater confrontation still has to take place. Also, Donna and Carmen are on good terms at the beginning of the season. The accident is gonna bring all these people together to address some stuff, Richie is the sand after all!
Five, though I definitely worry about Richie, I think they have been foreshadowing that Claire would commit malpractice due to her recklessness. We know she is a bad doctor. @sonoranbumblebee, @fairestbeard, @freedelusionsherethat, @whenmemorydies have made metas about it. It would be the most clear incident to reveal who she really is. So maybe they go to the emergency room and witness Claire fuck up. Maybe in Richie (hoping is not something very bad) or in someone else, and the facade drops.
Six: there could be hope for us in that feature they could release. As much as I would like to se Carmen in therapy processing all of this. It make sense to end the show the day the lying ends and the emotions can finally be released. The feature will have the time skip that showcases Carmy’s life in the aftermath of the groundhog period that was the bear, his life after he ended the cycle. Who knows how many years in the future.
None of it is making sense to me now the most annoying of it is RITCHIE’s ACCIDENT timeline(my guess now is it happens at the end of season- since he is present in the show- so what’s the point of telling us about his accident in Gary); JAW saying it’s around that time and skirting around timeline questions; syd’s cleaver being missing for so long!? ( like why is that a plot point besides Carmy getting her that) ; sheridan is the episode in which the flooding -toilet problem first happens (that’s fucked up storer- huge side eye now that we know season 5’s context) ; all of tomorrow’s pieces have fallen in place except the hamachi.
Re- contextualising season 3 with Camry’s guilt towards not showing up for syd a few hours after he promised her(omelette) at friends & family vs C. ( it’s pretty much mirrored to goodbye and now season-5 hopefully he will just make better choices) (basically what i am saying is whenever Carmy fucks up with syd within hours he will do everything in his power to make it better - like cooking the new dishes in tomorrow ) but now the biggest elephant in the room is what are they to each partners /friends or the secret third thing. The only reason the single day season makes sense to me because they are literally one conversation away from dropping their defences completely so I guess he has to create a literal obstacle (the storm - que weathering the storm metaphors) and all his pieces have to fall into same place, the dishes, the desserts all obstacles in between their relationship. We know the timeline has been short and taxing since the second season-( timeline is getting shorter and shorter with each season- we see moments from singular days more)
June 2022(System)
2023
February end(braciole)
March 10(Sundae)
May26th(Omlette)(The Bear)
May27/28th(Tomorrow) (Syd Eats at Empire post sheridan (which is why the boxes are unopened)fail imo for the glove theory to be true)
August(could be 6th) (Apologies)
August-7th(forever)
August (Groundhogs - starts on August 8th )(Soubise)
August/September(scallop)
September-17(Worms)
September(Sophie)
October1-2(Bears)
October-3(Green) (Tonnato)
October3-4th(Goodbye)
October 4th/5th?? (Season -5)
season 1 :9 months/season 2:3 months/ season 3:3 months/ season 4 -season 5-if one day theory is correct 3:months (Aug-October)
it’s only been 15 -16 months since they met. And 9 months since braciole. Which is entirely bonkers.
Great catch on the toilet exploding in Sheridan! I’ll definitely make a meta revising what could possibly mean
But also, my theory right now is that the Richie’s accident is gonna be the real catalyst of the season. If the flooding happens the next day after Carmy leaves, and we saw Richie still wearing his suit, then why he had the accident in his old street clothes? Is also unlikely for me that he had the accident before the last service, since there is no scars or any damage on his body. For what they been framing it to be so far, I don’t think that could make sense.
This last service promo is soooo on our faces, JLC posted about it, is all the trailers talk about
So I think they are misleading us, the ultimate sleight of hand. The last service would happen, they are gonna say goodbye to the Bear/Berf and everyone is gonna go home, but the rain wouldn’t stop, and Richie has the accident. The accident is gonna allow the real conclusion of the show to happen. That’s why they showed it early, so people would notice something is missing
Tagging
@alwaysshipping1 @freedelusionshere @waywardangel-wilds and anybody that has theories
I’m using this to be sure that there would be a Carmen and Donna confrontation. Even the clothes he is wearing are a clue I think. Carmen had supposedly already served food to Donna as a way to “compensate” to her, which was him basically apologizing to his abuser, so what would be the point of Carmen doing it again? I think this scene (if not for Carmen going in full expression of the repressed anger and sadness that also is in coherence with the flooding theme) would be about him finally asking her to be out of his life, at least for a while. I don’t see how could we as the audience believe he has truly heal if he cannot acknowledge to himself what he needs, specially if what he needs is not what Donna wants.
Listen, I've never been die-hard on Ayo and Jeremy dating more than actually wanting something that kinda looks like sydcarmy irl (and it would be so cuteeee) (especially to showcase that the sexual chemistry between these two was always there, despite the racist anti-sydcarmies on Reddit saying otherwise)
But that gesture...Jeremy rubbing his hands against his lips, that means he is flustered, and the reason I say this is cause he does that when he is in character as Carmy too. especially when he is looking at someone he has to have obvious feelings for, he did it looking at Claire in S2, and I think he did it once for Sydney too. But for the sake of the argument, Jayo's argument, yes, that's his move to say "I'm so down," and he probably got that from his own subconscious.
We really don’t get enough of their friendship but is there is somebody that can actually give Carmen a reality check is gonna be Marcus. If Sydney is the bear now. Can this be a… “take us there, Carmen”
This is a fucking renaissance painting. Are you kidding me? The blue of the whole set plus the red in their hands (and her scarf). She is guarded. He is begging for her eyes, reaching for her with his whole body. They are both afraid, in different ways. There is blood in their hands, like when they cut their fingers while cutting the oranges in s3. What is this motive for them? Is cause their hearts are bleeding out?
I wish the anti sydcarmy people could get to comprehend the very basic fact that, not ever, in the history of forever, has a man ever accumulated souvenirs/mementos, or bought personalized gifs or dedicated long hours of thought to decipher a woman he didn’t want to fuck.
Carmen (pretty much): I don't like dysfunction. I like this (I like us). You took the breath out of me. I'll make the effort to change into the man you see in me. It hurts, it stinks, but I'll rip my heart out and serve it to you on a plate.
