So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet.
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so"
"It was my fault that I was molested."
"I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way.
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others.
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
I wish the anti sydcarmy people could get to comprehend the very basic fact that, not ever, in the history of forever, has a man ever accumulated souvenirs/mementos, or bought personalized gifs or dedicated long hours of thought to decipher a woman he didn’t want to fuck.
Carmen (pretty much): I don't like dysfunction. I like this (I like us). You took the breath out of me. I'll make the effort to change into the man you see in me. It hurts, it stinks, but I'll rip my heart out and serve it to you on a plate.
Idk there is something about this trailers. I don’t really buy this sappy cinematic hallmark movie climax being “the point” of the season. Like, do I imagine the bear family would have a happy ending? Yes. I want to see them all finally achieving that vibrant collaboration and have many family moments.
But im sure the flood plot is gonna be 30% of the actual plot. That last service for me is more likely to be midseason. Two things I been thinking:
1. The restaurant has always been a catalyst of what is happening inside the characters. What does it say that their subconscious worlds seem to be coming to an end?
2. Storer likes finales that are completely different to what the season is built in. S1 was reunion (with Mikey) while the rest of the season was disagreements. S2 ended in words of uncomfortableness after a season of pursuing fun and comfort. S3 ended in confrontation after a season of avoidance. S4 ended in actual confession after a season of placating the truth.
So is s5 gonna end in a sad cathartic realization to compare it to the joy and communion of the bear family. Is Carm gonna break the cycle and cut some bad people of his life after finding out what real love and trust feels like?
I can’t explain this, but this is the first time he has served me another flavor of finnneee, you know, like he was always rugged disheveled fine and now this put together roughy sad guy fine…
And he is playing a reporter??? Oh I’m gonna eat this movie up
I was so excited already because it’s Aaron working writing it but daaaaammmm it’s gonna be difficult to concentrate
And not to be too hopeful, but I always thought the “peace” implication is that Carny would have to realize his feelings or get together with Syd before making the ultimate choice of the show, as in, the thing that is most necessary for his mental health. Because every time Sydney had calmed Carmy down it has led to him making a positive change in his life.
1. He talked to her before open in ng Mickey letter
2. He thought of her before the opening night, and many times she calmed him during service he was able to slow down and correct his behavior, even if only momentarily.
3. He kept looking at her while he was confronting/trusting Richie for the first time—something so necessary for everyone involved. Richie also won't have done it if it weren't for Syd's presence.
4. She was next to him right before he went to confront Chef David. She calmed him again at the wedding with Richie when he saw Donna again. And she told him to get over the Donna errand and get the way out of him as fast as he could. Claire's green sweater request got him even more trapped in the nostalgia and wounds he had for his house, which caused regression.
5. She inspires him to make dishes that defy whst he thought he was capable of. Claire only suggested to make cannolis an even talked to Carmen into rejecting some of the dishes Syd anf him were actually excited about. This one keeps pissing me off cause she either did it cause she dusbt like that age count actually understand Carmys culinary desires or she was just jealous and is indeed that good and comfortable with manipulation.
The message is overall clear, as many other metas have said. Syd is progress, and Claire is regression. I always assumed that if Carmy were actually to cut Donna off, it would be after he and Sydhey got to a point in their friendship that inspired or grounded him enough to do so.
Yeah, I thought that, but it's also about him finding inspiration in food, and who is his biggest inspiration? Whose clothes did he use as inspiration for multiple dishes? Let me tell you, it's not the c ghost girlfriend. C only ever inspired him to make csnnoliss, which is one of the most traumatizing dishes for him.
Also, I don't want to sound like a psycho, but she is wearing the two braids she wore when she was making the scallop dish, the dish she was cooking while a -totally not about Carmen- love song played out.
Sorry I feel the need to remind you that when Carmen divorced Syd he was like “I don't have anything to draw on” referring to how he didn't felt connected to making art trought cooking anymore. He didn't have inspiration. And this man, who also tried to use the inspiration excuse to have a date with Syd, and constantly uses Syd as inspiration for his dishes, is now talking to Syd about listening the music in cooking again. He is gonna find inspiration because of her and because he wants that for her first and foremost.
