“Thank you Sam. Thank you for helping me find my heart.”
This day, 25 years ago, Ken dove into his repressed memories, reflected on them, and found himself.
Thank you Ken, for helping me find my heart as well.
My personal reflection on this episode under the cut.
[Possible trigger warnings about emotional abuse and self deprecation.]
I was 10 when this episode aired. In the 25 years since then, I have watched it countless times, especially when I felt lost. If Ken could find himself, then so could I. After all, looking at Ken felt like looking in a mirror.
"Mom and Dad are always paying more attention to Sam than to me. I know they love him more because he's smarter than me."
Unlike Ken's brother, my older brother didn’t pass away. Though, I still felt the shadow of my brother's accomplishments loom over me as he found success after success in his life. Our mother was as short sighted as Ken’s parents, reveling in the pride of being the parent of an intelligent child and forgetting that a child is still a child and should be allowed to live as such.
“Your gentleness and kindness will be overpowered by those who are evil... Never forget who you are, Ken.”
Though unlike Ken's parents, my mother held my shortcomings over me, blamed me for her own choices and shortcomings that I had no control over, and unintentionally showed favoritism of my older brother.
"I don't know which one of these DigiEggs is Wormmon's. Just like how I don't remember who I am or where I'm from..."
With such external forces, I forgot who I was. Instead, I felt compelled to become someone I was not. I was repetitively blamed for things out of my control which reinforced the idea that I was at fault for anything and everything.
I deeply related to Ken's guilt, shame, and loss of self.
But I have to move on.
“I’ve got to move on my life. I promise to concentrate on the good things in the past, not the evil. I’ll use my memories of Sam and of Wormmon to make me stronger.”
I’m never going to to get my childhood back. It was rough and I would never wish any child to experience similar. Despite my childhood, I wouldn’t be who I am today without it. So, like Ken, I will use the past and make myself stronger.
“Mama… I’ll give you that second chance… if I can have one.”
I’m working on my second chance 25 years later with my mother. It’s been a long road, with lots of ups and downs, potholes, and switchbacks. But... I know when the road ends, I’ll look back and be proud of how far I’ve come.
For everyone who had a rough childhood, you will heal. Believe you will. It will be hard and there will be pitfalls and steps backwards, but they will be matched with sprints forward and companions to join you on your adventure.
Be kind to yourself. You will find your heart. And when you do, hold it close and stay true to it.
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life being the kind and gentle person Wormmon wanted me to be!”
Spent 1.5 months on this, poured every bit of my love for Ken Ichijouji into it, revisited the entire season for quotes I resonated with... to have signed by the English voice of Ken, Steve Prince, himself.
Amazing guy, been recollecting meeting him on my webcomic, Visual Diary of My Life.
Digimon Adventure Beyond crowdfunding booklet
I'd like to start off by saying I am not doing this with malicious intent. I firmly believe all artists and crafters should have the resources accessible to them in order to create. It's watermarked so one person is blamed for sharing this, please don't remove it.
made this for the OFFICAL deleted script scene from DA02 ep 39
（It was about Ken saving a puppy from Mummymon and Triceramon, while Davis was worried about him as he used to be. This forms a dramatic contrast with Ken's previous act of kicking the dog）
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