hello!! ✧ request for event :3
prompt 48 from hurt/comfort list 3 with chuuya (romantic/vague relationship) maybe ?
hi, thank you for requesting ! imo this prompt fits chuuya quite well, when i imagined someone reassuring him i nearly (nearly) cried.
“IT’S NATURAL. IT’S PART OF YOU. OF COURSE I DON’T HATE IT.”
[ masterlist ] [ event ] [ reblogs are v v v appreciated ]
hurt/comfort, a bit angsty, romantic relationship, chuuya nakahara x gn!reader
warning(s) : alcohol mention (chū doesn’t drink anything tho), panic attack, chuuya has grey eyes because in the manga they are of this color
plot : “chuuya has always struggled with his humanity. sometimes, he needs someone who reminds him that, despite what he may think, he’s loved”.
prompt taken from here !!
what an interesting yet intricate concept it was, to be human. a fragile way of being which, sometimes, was perceived with unattainable expectactions and utopian ideas, if someone dared to say it. chuuya was well acquainted with those beliefs, more than he would have admitted out loud in fact. they restlessly haunted him anywhere, since he was just a young and lonely child, whispering cruel words in his ear until his thoughts became an echo of those frightening sentences.
it had taken years to regain confidence in himself. when he finally reached this result, chuuya felt something that he hadn’t experience in a while: freedom. freedom to be himself, freedom to feel emotions, freedom to do whatever he quietly wished to.
however, his past would occasionally come to the surface, almost stronger than before, and a devastating relapse would occur. nothing unfamiliar to the red-headed young man, but something that was still rather hurtful to his aching heart.
it was one of those terrible days, where arahabaki’s presence was more persistent than usual, reminding him that he shared his mind with something inhuman, and the only solution nakahara seemed to think about to suppress his unbearable pain was a bottle of a renowned and refined wine he had bought a few weeks ago.
once entered his apartment, a long sigh, fraught with fatigue, escaped from his lips. chuuya pulled out his black low-arch shoes, proceeding towards your shared bedroom. he took off his dark, long coat and his beloved hat, starting then to unbotton his waistcoat, which was beginning to feel too tight given his agitation. to his displeasure, he noticed that his gloved hands were trembling, and not slightly. nakahara tried to ignore it, however when a sudden headache hit him, he wisely decided to sit on the edge of the bed, sinking his fingers into his messy hair, finding himself out of breath.
it was all too much. did he have the right to call himself a human being, when he had a monster living within his body, when he himself couldn’t command that beast? didn’t it mean he too was someone — no, something devoid of humanity? he was only an empty shell whose meaning was to be a vessel for the god of destruction and ruin, serving his life for a greater purpose. how could he think of himself as a person at all? at the end of the day, did he really have control over his body and mind?
chuuya had lost track of time and of his surroundings, his blurry vision contributing to his feeling of dizziness and confusion while his heart beat too fast.
it wasn’t the first time something of the sort happened to him. those intense moments were a part of his life from ages; although in his past he already dealt with the root of the problem, sometimes his mind was once again filled with doubts. rationally speaking, nakahara knew that they weren’t true, that his thoughts didn’t define his being. however, when he entered in those states of pure dread, he wasn’t able to calm himself.
lucky for him, you showed up at the apartment.
according to your calculations along the way, chuuya should have been home by that time. you were relieved to finally spend time with him, especially after an exhausting day of work.
when you announced your presence, only silence greeted you. it was rare for him to not reply at your voice, truly soothing to his ears. your gut feeling told you something was off so, after taking your shoes and coat off, you walked towards your bedroom.
you were right: your boyfriend was having a panic attack, tougher than the ones he had in the past years. sitting on the edge of the bed, he was holding his head with both hands, short of breath, and you could tell he didn’t notice you.
trying to look as calm as possible, you slowly but firmly made your way towards him, then kneeled a few steps away from his figure, not yet knowing if he needed space or close contact. you two already had talked about his this, and you well remembered what your boyfriend needed the most in moments like these.
“chuuya, can you hear me?” you said in a clear and neutral tone. receiving no reply, you repeated your words.
this time, the young man seemed to sense your voice, and he slightly nodded.
“good. i’m right here for you, love, and i won’t leave anytime soon. you’re safe now”, you softly spoke. “is it okay if i touch you?”
nakahara stiffened for a moment, but then agreed with a nod. so, you gently took his hands in yours, slightly squeezing them. his eyes were closed and didn’t look like he wanted to open them for the moment: it was probably best for him to concentrate his mind on your voice only.
“now,” you started talking again, wanting him to be aware of your intentions. “i’m going to place your hand on my chest: i’d like you to breath in sync with me, okay?”.
chuuya managed to mutter a “yes”, and you couldn’t help but sigh a little in relief. you took his right hand and placed it near your heart, while the other was caressed by yours. the warmth seemed to ground him.
“i’ll start counting now,” you warned him and did as you stated, slowly breathing in and out.
at first, nakahara couldn’t stabilize his breath, but then, after some reassuring words, he started to steady his heartbeat and breath, returning conscious. he finally opened his eyelids, revealing his shiny, grey eyes, which now were intensely staring at you.
“how are you now, handsome?” you whispered, not wanting to upset him with a loud voice.
chuuya swallowed, still a bit dizzy. “i’m fine, now, i think. i— i apologise for this”, he bit his bottom lip, cursing himself for his behaviour. “this… this happened several times before, yet… you never leave. aren’t you… tired of me? don’t you hate me?”.
he wasn’t someone who dared say such things, questioning his own worth in front of other people. he was quite confident in himself and in his abilities, yet during those days he felt… helpless.
a soft grin appeared on your features. “it’s natural to have moments like these, of course i don’t hate it. it’s part of our essence as human beings to experience all kinds of emotions. how could i hate you for being so human?”.
him? human? he felt anything but human. however, what you said sounded so genuinely sincere, he could only believe you. still, he wanted to ask you another thing, something that had lingered in his mind for some time now.
“even if arahabaki is involved?”
“even if arahabaki is involved. it doesn’t erase your humanity, chuuya, nothing does”. you leaned in to give him a peck on the lips, and he wrapped his arms around your body, resting his head on your shoulder. “i love you the way you are, never forget that”.
“thank you”, he whispered, pressing a soft kiss against the skin of your neck, his own way to say ‘i love you’.
perhaps, all he needed was to stay like that for a while: to have you in his arms, knowing you wouldn’t leave and that, indeed, you would always love him. that was enough for him.
[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]
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