Iâm Lost Without You ~ Pt. 2

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@yaviin
Iâm Lost Without You ~ Pt. 2
South Korea, 2016 | Yoongi
it became harder everyday to see him. it was harder and getting harder to breathe and yoongi wish he had enough strength to slit his own throat.Â
but, of course, the problem was him.Â
him with his beautiful smiles that went from sweetness to smoldering, and it drove yoongi so far up the walls of his sanity that sometimes-...yoongi wondered if he had any of his sanity left to begin with.
if he were honest with himself, after the Jumps began to wrack him into various states of paranoia, ming had been the singular lighthouse that brought him back to reality. yavi could only do so much when the man couldnât control his Jumps either, but ming-...ming was an undeniable existence that made yoongi cough up his lunch after their first meeting.
he was frightened and terrified.
yoongi was always losing him. always alwaysalways always
how would this time be any different?
England, 1786
Gold. Flecks.Â
Ivory.
âYou will not destroy this family for a mere boy found on the streets! We will be in financial ruins and yet you have not grasp the gravity of that! Your poor mother would weep from her grave if she knew of this. And what of your wife? What will you tell her?!â
Portraits of stale yellows and greens oiled together into faces of hinted blood red.
âI believe it is you, father, who does not understand. You speak as if you knew my mother, but we are both well aware that you were more acquainted with the bodies of other women than the woman sworn to you in marriage. She devoted her life to you and you neglected her, and now you bring her up as if you have the right. I will not destroy our family because it has already been ruined. You sold your own daughter, sweet Sophillia, into marriage for more money when-â
Woolen carpets of every pattern, asleep across marble floors, in companionship with peonies and lilting roses.
âShe was of age-â
Sweet girl, blue eyes, and a smile so very gentle. Nightâs hair twisted and clipped up to show those pinched cheeks.Â
âBrother...how do I look?â
â-she was NO MORE THAN A CHILD! Barely fifteen of age and you sold her in the same way Eliza and I were sold in our coupling.âÂ
 Hardly oblivious of evil, how could you be so heartbreakingly forgiving...?
âWe knew nothing more of each other than the obvious and treacherous reality that we were all but pawns in the face of our respective father. You drove mother into her own insanity without even questioning your moralities for just a moment, and now you are doing the same to your daughter.â
âLovely. The most beautiful, my dear.â
Tohk, tohk, tohk...tahk, tahk, tahk.
Comfortability was not a luxury to those who knew wealth and position from birth. There was no such thing as a life of comfort and peace for the rich because there was a game to be played; one of which that would turn the player into either a manipulator or the manipulated.Â
Was there a chance to escape? Or would the game chase after you?
Money held such a high power over the heads of humanity that the species itself find it hard to reconnect to the humanitarian that laid in their names. When had an object become so very valuable that it led the greed of mankind to go through horrific lengths to possess it?Â
Why was there an almost absolute of no logic in the matter, and yet, the majority of society did see it.
What was he missing that could not be seen?
How was it possible for a life to be bought...?
@yaviin
There are two, there is one, fading shadow on the ground. You must go there aloneâyou wonât find me, Iâll be gone. | KAI&YAVI
@yaviin
On that misty morning, you only looked at me and I was yours. When will I see you again? When will I know that youâre mine? | HEEJUNG&SEUNGHOON
âThere is no pardon to be had for you. Or your bum.â
"Do you make a habit of accusing those without fault? It's a terrible to have, you know."
2-6 Word Starters
Send me one for my museâs reaction!
âAre you lost?â
âAs you wish.â
âCome with me.â
âCan you walk?â
âDance with me.â
âDid you see that?â
âDo you like it?â
âDonât go that way.â
âDonât let them push you around.â
âDonât try to talk.â
âHow are you feeling?â
âHow did you get here?â
âI brought you food.â
âI followed you.â
âIf you need anything, call.â
âIâll sleep on the couch.â
âI love the ocean.â
âIâm not answering that.â
âI want ice cream.â
âI will avenge you.â
âIâve always loved you.â
âLaughing at me wonât end well.â
âLetâs go stargazing.â
âLetâs go swimming.â
âLet me introduce myself. Iâm ___ â
âLie still.â
âMaps and I donât get along.â
âMay I braid your hair?â
âNice clothes.â
âNice weather weâre having.â
âPlease turn the light on.â
âPickles are gross.â
âShow me.â
âThat isnât for you to know.â
âThat you for saving my life.â
âThere is a full moon tonight.â
âThere is food in the fridge.â
âThere is more to the story.â
âThese clothes are ridiculous.â
âThey think we are in love.â
âThis is comfortable.â
âThis is for you.â
âWait for me.â
âWant me to go with you?â
âWhat did you do?â
âWhat is your name?â
âWhat is this place?â
âWhere are we going?â
âWhere did you put it?â
âWhere is your sense of adventure?â
âWho did this?â
âWhy did you come here?â
âWhy do you ask?â
âWhy donât we slip away?â
âWill you come with me?â
âWords canât hurt me.â
âYou donât have to take that.
âYou look terrible.â
âYou have the softest hair.â
âYou rest.â
âYouâre my everything.â
âOh, excuse your ass.â
"I beg your pardon?! My buttocks are perfectly fine and have nothing to do with this conversation. Must you bring the innocent into this?"
throws atchuu đ
âOh, do shut up.â
Lets fly somewhere and meet where the clouds fade back into the sky.
flyingtoneverland310Â
Where are you? my soul asks- I close my eyes, Letting the wind caress my face. Do you still think of me- From time to time?
Rej Jaen (via wnq-writers)
Trinity College Library- Dublin- Ireland. Photo by Beth Kirby
bold any fears which apply to your muse. italicize what makes them uncomfortable.
the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.
âHuh, you think?â She must have a stomach made of iron and intestines of steel then, not to mention either a complete lack of taste-buds, or a severely dampened-down version of them. The truly baffling thing is that what she cooks actually 1) looks edible, 2) smells edible, and 3) sometimes, even tastes edible.
It isnât until youâve been given time to sit and begin digesting what youâve taken in that you realize something isnât quite right. And then comes the part everyone loves, where you are unofficially chained to the toilet for the better part of a day, maybe two, emptying out the contents of your guts.
Kaiâs been there before, and heâs not particularly interested in returning to that experience any time soon. âThat would explain how sheâs the only one who hasnât gotten food poisoning from her cooking yetâŚmakes you wonder where she learned to cook even.â
Yavi nodded sagely. The woman and everything in regards to her "creativity" was a menace. "On the bright side, we could always suggest cooking as her retirement plan if she ever considered one. I'm sure the underground would go wild with a new torture method."
Her countenance visibly brightens at his comply, glad that she would not have to steal for the first time in a long, long while. As much as she wishes to partake in economic growth, she has no money, a blatant strain in her attempt at normal living. Currently she partook in a trial run before she plans her official escape. For now her focus is on sucessful assimilation with the general public.
âYou talk like youâre old. Well, actually, you are. But I mean itâs like you have lived too long, seen too many things.â She laughs mostly to herself, but steals a look in hopes that she has not offended him.
âSorry â I donât take peopleâs feelings into account when I speak to them. At least, thatâs what my therapist says. But have you ever turned a corner, but instead it was a dead end? That is all Iâve been running into or the past two years. I think a nice straight line is good every once in a while. And what about you? Any brick wall in your way lately?â
Yavi barked out a laugh and nudged the girl's shoulder in comfort. "Being in my 30s is can hardly be considered old, my dear. Though from your perspective and with the way I speak, I can see that, and I do not blame you."
The change in his speech was one of the most obvious evidences of Yavi's-...predicament. He neither hated nor loved it, but more often than not, he did wish it would go away when he reverted back to his own time. After the first year of traveling without direction, Yavi found himself stuttering and had to consider taking speech therapy to tame the mishap. It was aggravating in the least.
"I don't believe that any of us can escape this life without running into more than a few of those walls, so you are correct. Predictability can be a relievance." Yavi smiled, eyes following the puffs of air before settling onto the warm light in the short distance. There was that very feeling of relief, and he wasted no time tugging Minnie into a faster pace with him.
Once they were in the comfort of the small, but quaint, cafe, drinks ordered, and both tucked by a large window peering out to the white city, Yavi thought back to the girl's question.
Was there a brick wall?
He thought to shy smiles, tangled sheets and legs, and could only smile.
Yes, he thought. There was one... But, how to explain his predicament to Minnie?
"I wouldn't particularly call it a brick wall," Yavi started slowly. "It's more like a glass window. I can see the solution and the way forth, but at times, the glass is fogged and nothing is clear anymore. Not to mention that it is still glass, therefore...I am unable to walk forward no matter my desire to."
Should he tell her that it felt like a glass box instead? That he felt suffocated by the delusions of a happier future, and yet blocked from it? Perhaps not...not yet. One day.
"What of you, sweet girl?"
@gvssamer
âGuilt â somewhat, shame? No.â Tip of tongue presses to corner of mouth, cheeky grin finding ample tier; visage graced with itâs presence. Muffler is granted mild adjustment as he heads toward doorway, pocket pat down just to affirm that key was rested inside itâs contents. Snorting at maleâs assumption, he merely shakes head, âHardly, Iâm a sophomore in college, you do get homework in college, you know ââ he snickers, reaching to rub palm against back of neck, âItâs not like itâs hard.â he begins, reaching into far pocket along coat to pull out mobile, âThe internet grants your wonderful things, unlimited knowledge, free porn. You should give it a try.â
Sarcasm laces his tone, but, itâs too be expected seeing as it was only âlanguageâ Jax really knew how to communicate with, âThen consider your âjobâ or whatever today, just keeping me company. Thatâs not too hard, hm?â Head tilts to one side in question, curiosity brimming in dark orbs. âAt least have the decency to acknowledge me of as an adult, Iâm twenty. Almost twenty-one.â
"This will sound cliche and of an old method, but when your soul is as old as mine and have seen the things I sometimes wished I did not see, a boy in his beginning twenties is no more than a new babe in this world," he chided without bite.
Young adults were a species the older man would forever be amused by. Was the overturning from 'teens' to one's '20s' really such a vast change? From what he could remember, there had been little to no change in his mentality after his 20th birthday. Sure, there were slight inklings that pushed him out of bed easier, got him to finish tasks faster. Other than that, Yavi didn't feel, or rather, did not notice a significant change until the end of his 20s. Though that, the traveler supposed, must be the "beauty" of growing up.
"Where shall I accompany you then?" Sparing the lonesome assignment a last glance, Yavi stood up and joined the younger male with a small smile. "What adult things would you like to do."
A crack in time; that was what you were.
And wondering through windows and off the cliffs of confusion, I wanted to know why it was you and not just something. Do you suppose I asked such thoughts because it would have hurt less when the time came for me to leave? (Then...there were those circumstances when you left first and I felt myself hanging and dropping too quickly.)
"Can't it be removed?" "What? The genetics? If such a method worked, did you think you would be asking such a question now?" "Of course not. However, professor, you did say that people like us are limited to only traveling back. Perhaps there were attempts that were unable to succeed due to the technology and equipment limitations of that time. Now we are practically brimming with new innovations every day. It wouldn't be impossible now." "No, but it would be dangerous." "All the more reason."
In every moment that I see you, I will always play it again in my mind if you remember, if you had ever felt a certain loss when I suddenly flickered from your existence.
I want to say that it ache, however, that would be a lie, and with all the falicies I've had to spew in order to stay as close to you as possible, I would prefer nothing more than the brutal honesty when I am with you.
Do you remember...? Would you have chosen differently? Would, and will you think of me as shallow if I told you why I can't let you go?