Never again will I settle for mediocre āloveā,
Or friendship without depth, truth and understanding.
I refuse to compromise my values and my beliefs, in fear of being pushy or ātoo muchā, I will not sleep whilst you dance and I will not empty my soul with tears whilst you fill yours with drink. I will never again laugh when nothing is funny and learn the words to songs I do not like. I do not love. Because if youāve loved, you know that love is never mediocre. Thatās impossible.
I donāt need it, but I want a man who understands that my depths are scary but is willing to drive me to oceans, who does not read but asks me about my favourite characters, who reads the cliff notes to have an idea of what I say when he listens to me talk and talk and talk. Who knows, my life is but a story, who knows Iām moved by minor details and I crave in-depth description ā and so, he does not just call me beautiful. Instead he tells me my eyes look like melted gold, and he pictures my face when he passes the stand of roses on the way to work because they remind him of my cheeks, a man that can admit he rushes down to the kitchen where I am in the mornings, because he misses the smell of my hair, not because he smells coffee. He knows that this is how he can make me feel beautiful. The kind of man who knows Iāll ask and check, and then ask and check again and he wonāt ever get annoyed or compare me to his mother because he knows I love him, because he knows the finest love repeats itself. The kind of man who doesnāt call a compromise, a compromise, because what I want is not a concession, it is a desire. And we respect each otherās desires. Happily. Willingly.
I want a love that is mutual because I swear, God knows it, my love will fill the holes in your life and then some. And should you lose it, you could climb mountains in search for it yet never be able to find it in out there in the world ā because the only place youāll find my love is within your own heart. Just where I left it. So donāt try to lose it, because it will never truly be lost. And donāt bring to me a love that doesnāt match up. The woman who holds the scales is blind, she does not see the results in her own hands. But I do, so please donāt dare bring me a love that you know will never measure up. Like the love hearts we drew as children, I will have a love that is symmetrical. I will have it because I am no longer a girl. I am a woman.
- Kiran M Azam (@pappiixi)
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