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@yearswaited
hello ! my name is alexa , 18+ high fem lesbian ( she / her ) currently struggling through a classics degree . i have many , many thoughts on danmei & guardian in specific . this blog is SELECTIVE / MUTUALS ONLY with a lot of sporadic large amounts of activity . this depends on my adhd , cfs , my studies & the fact that i work part - time .
about , permanent starter call , priest guide , pinterest
@yearswaited Zhu Hong, Da Qing, and Lin Jing.
lins reminded me just how much i missed my little ghost king sooo i will be on here as well . brushes dust off the blog . also rereading guardian bc there’s a new tl .
dreams-of-fate:
“Babe, do you want to go out to eat with me?” Put his arm around Shen Wei’s shoulders, fingertips brushed against warm skin then drifted away.
@yearswaited
they understand that zhao yunlan , husband , god , the one who they are devoted to lived a very different life before he met them . however , delicate brows cannot resist but frown , ❛ you do not wish to eat my cooking ? ❜ then , a little suspicious : ❛ is the kitchen alright ? ❜
"Damn bitch, you live like this? "
- Shen Wei, circa 2012
𝙶𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁 + 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙽𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚂
the ghost tribe has no real preconceived notion of gender or even sex —- only two ghosts ( wei & their twin brother ) had cultivated enough to be close to immortal & thus look like them . while others did display sexual characteristics to reproduce it depended as to what extent . the only reason that wei cultivated to present male is because the entire creation of the ghost tribe was the work of kunlun : wei was , in a way , his soulmate & thus created in his image . otherwise wei has no real attachment to their body . it is convenient presenting male , its even more convenient being exceptionally beautiful , but aside from that it doesn ’ t play any role .
when it comes to what pronouns to use , he has no preference & defaults to he / him , but only when shen wei . that ’ s his ‘guise’ in a way & easiest when considering historical & cultural aspects .
they / them when the ghost king or ghost slayer , that means whenever he is not actively keeping up with being shen wei . if you also write an immortal / demon muse , then it is usually they / them because shen wei is automatically perceived as … not shen wei , & he himself doesn ’ t have to be shen wei , in a sense .
she / her if you want to or , in the case that you are referring to shen wei as zhao yunlan ’ s wife or li hua ’ s mother —- actually it really pleases shen wei because these are roles & facades that are completely detached from anything he has had before & helps with managing a sense of identity he has never had .
happy trans day of visibility !! here's a flower for all you wonderful people 🌷
@dreams-of-fate 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 : yunlan snatches up the wife, tosses her onto bed for a long, long cuddle session since she looks tired and she's lying about not being. AGAIN.
they find it irritating with how well zhao yunlan is adjusting to the surge of kunlun ’ s power . just months ago , shen wei had played that cruel trick of his , not allowing zhao yunlan to move him to his heart ’ s content . now , of course , if they were to say anything against it , their husband would undoubtedly listen , but they do not have the heart to ( or perhaps , they now have TOO MUCH OF A HEART ) . they attempt a frown , especially because they are still in their work suit , but it can never last when zhao yunlan is looking at them with such mischief , clambering on top of them to wrest away their tie & plaster across their back .
❛ you absolute menace , ❜ they chide , trying to move away their long hair from where zhao yunlan has now flung an arm across . ❛ & who will cook dinner , then ? ❜
the bed is very comfortable , & now shen wei finds that they grow quite tired quickly , their new energy circulating in a reborn body in a way it never had before . long , fine fingers gently cup their hsuband ’ s face as shen wei gives a sigh . ❛ so careless . ❜
landscape with fruit rot and millipede, richard siken
IN OUR FIRST LIFE , we would become burial mounds made of rocks, our love inseparable.
IN OUR SECOND LIFE , we would destroy the rocks, connecting our destiny, walking side by side.
IN OUR THIRD LIFE , we would burn the jades, promising that we would belong to each other whether in life or in death.
highly selective , featuring muses from TIAN YA KE / WORD OF HONOR , ZHENHUN / GUARDIAN , SHA PO LANG / WINNER IS KING .
Wisława Szymborska, tr. by Clare Cavanagh and Stanisław Barańczak, from “Experiment”, Map: Collected and Last Poems
IN OUR FIRST LIFE , we would become burial mounds made of rocks, our love inseparable.
IN OUR SECOND LIFE , we would destroy the rocks, connecting our destiny, walking side by side.
IN OUR THIRD LIFE , we would burn the jades, promising that we would belong to each other whether in life or in death.
highly selective , featuring muses from TIAN YA KE / WORD OF HONOR , ZHENHUN / GUARDIAN , SHA PO LANG / WINNER IS KING .
saccharot:
from his own experience, perception dictates Shen Wei is usually not too much of a paradox ; Xue Yang knows there are things he wants, the same things he doesn’t act upon, but here & now is not the time. 𝑊𝐻𝑂 𝐷𝑂𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑁𝐾 𝐻𝐸’𝑆 𝐹𝑂𝑂𝐿𝐼𝑁𝐺? he suggests Xue Yang sets aside the need to offer an apology, then nearly scolds him for the rough treatment of his hair : fluttering lashes, lips parted to allow gasps past, this is every bit a conflict the earthling revels in witnessing with keen interest & satisfaction, as his ghost king struggles between extremes in falsified wavering. ( in hindsight he often does the same, putting up fronts instead of stating the truth ; Shen Wei encourages the act, adding to it to sweeten the tease. Xue Yang bluntly exposes it but his timbre mimics the taste of candy as it melts on the tongue. )
❝ you’re making such a big deal out of it. ❞ the light-hearted whisper between the two of them carries with it an air of steady self-assurance, designed for the consolation of delightfully agitated immortal. ❝ if that happens I can just smooth it out again, don’t you think? my fingers are gentle. ❞ that settled, his left arm submerges in lukewarm water to join the one wrapped around the other’s waist, & he finds himself taking a moment of silly pride in the fact he has voiced his reasoning – the end of it exceptionally so – in a way Shen Wei cannot truly argue against.
Xue Yang scrutinizes him : from doting eyes to itching lips. he’s still caught unprepared for the fleeting, feathery kiss.
in passing, reflecting upon the assurance that no harm has been done, he begins to evaluate how much Shen Wei has, instead, wronged him – in some harmlessly distorted sense of the word – by giving him so little. so, he seizes a smiling mouth just a tad more boldly, just a bit more recklessly to make up for it, but it’s as transitory as a glance across the room & he wants it returned in the same manner. ❝ don’t be shy, ❞ click of tongue, grinning as he pulls away, ❝ it’s not the first time you kiss me, is it? ❞
XUE YANG ’ S FINGERS ARE NOT GENTLE . in appearance they may be , but not in reality he can pretend to be kind & sweet , just like shen wei does , but in truth they are quite stained . but shen wei will not argue against it , firstly because xue yang seems so proud of his finality , & then because who is he , to ever point something so inconsequential out ? shen wei may be a hypocrite , but he is not hypocritical enough to comment on the brutality that lurks underneath one ’ s skin when he himself is a ghost king .
he is suddenly overwrought with the HUMANITY of this moment . he thinks : is this what married people do ? do they kiss like this , without being overtaken by a worshipful desire ? without wanting to possess forever , to burn the world down until it is ash ? when he did this with shen san , even when he would simply sit in the water with kunlun , the god finding him silly , he himself far too young to even know of love & kisses all he knew was too much . a desire to squash the world down to one moment , one second of ecstasy ; to keep it & never let go . but this , now ; how can he be so content to just sit & luxuriate in touch ? to be sated with soft kisses & simply the promise of more . to not feel like xue yang will slip away between his fingers like the dregs of spring ?
he does not want to let this mortal go either , but it is different . shen wei does not feel like time is running out , not right now . he is content as long as he does not think of kunlun ; he is content to be touched , to touch back , & to wonder if this is what living is like .
❛ no , i have kissed you many times before ❜ he says , seriously , & focuses so he can feel the skin pressing along his cold back . ❛ but i have rarely kissed one like this . ❜ it is rare vulnerability ; he hides it by pressing lips to the curve of his mortal ’ s jaw , teeth lightly pressing ; they are just slightly sharp .
here is a twitter thread and constantly updating, currently active google doc that contains the gofundmes, paypals, cashapps, etc of victims of anti-asian hate crimes, asian-owned small businesses, and asians who need financial aid. please consider donating & boosting and adding more donation links if you have them.
i put national dress on for maslenitsa
Euripides, from Grief Lessons: Four Plays; translated by Anne Carson
Text ID: Gods are stubborn. So am I.
