from his own experience, perception dictates Shen Wei is usually not too much of a paradox ; Xue Yang knows there are things he wants, the same things he doesn’t act upon, but here & now is not the time. 𝑊𝐻𝑂 𝐷𝑂𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑁𝐾 𝐻𝐸’𝑆 𝐹𝑂𝑂𝐿𝐼𝑁𝐺? he suggests Xue Yang sets aside the need to offer an apology, then nearly scolds him for the rough treatment of his hair : fluttering lashes, lips parted to allow gasps past, this is every bit a conflict the earthling revels in witnessing with keen interest & satisfaction, as his ghost king struggles between extremes in falsified wavering. ( in hindsight he often does the same, putting up fronts instead of stating the truth ; Shen Wei encourages the act, adding to it to sweeten the tease. Xue Yang bluntly exposes it but his timbre mimics the taste of candy as it melts on the tongue. )
❝ you’re making such a big deal out of it. ❞ the light-hearted whisper between the two of them carries with it an air of steady self-assurance, designed for the consolation of delightfully agitated immortal. ❝ if that happens I can just smooth it out again, don’t you think? my fingers are gentle. ❞ that settled, his left arm submerges in lukewarm water to join the one wrapped around the other’s waist, & he finds himself taking a moment of silly pride in the fact he has voiced his reasoning – the end of it exceptionally so – in a way Shen Wei cannot truly argue against.
Xue Yang scrutinizes him : from doting eyes to itching lips.
he’s still caught unprepared for the fleeting, feathery kiss.
in passing, reflecting upon the assurance that no harm has been done, he begins to evaluate how much Shen Wei has, instead, wronged him – in some harmlessly distorted sense of the word – by giving him so little. so, he seizes a smiling mouth just a tad more boldly, just a bit more recklessly to make up for it, but it’s as transitory as a glance across the room & he wants it returned in the same manner. ❝ don’t be shy, ❞ click of tongue, grinning as he pulls away, ❝ it’s not the first time you kiss me, is it? ❞
XUE YANG ’ S FINGERS ARE NOT GENTLE . in appearance they may be , but not in reality he can pretend to be kind & sweet , just like shen wei does , but in truth they are quite stained . but shen wei will not argue against it , firstly because xue yang seems so proud of his finality , & then because who is he , to ever point something so inconsequential out ? shen wei may be a hypocrite , but he is not hypocritical enough to comment on the brutality that lurks underneath one ’ s skin when he himself is a ghost king .
he is suddenly overwrought with the HUMANITY of this moment . he thinks : is this what married people do ? do they kiss like this , without being overtaken by a worshipful desire ? without wanting to possess forever , to burn the world down until it is ash ? when he did this with shen san , even when he would simply sit in the water with kunlun , the god finding him silly , he himself far too young to even know of love & kisses all he knew was too much . a desire to squash the world down to one moment , one second of ecstasy ; to keep it & never let go . but this , now ; how can he be so content to just sit & luxuriate in touch ? to be sated with soft kisses & simply the promise of more . to not feel like xue yang will slip away between his fingers like the dregs of spring ?
he does not want to let this mortal go either , but it is different . shen wei does not feel like time is running out , not right now . he is content as long as he does not think of kunlun ; he is content to be touched , to touch back , & to wonder if this is what living is like .
❛ no , i have kissed you many times before ❜ he says , seriously , & focuses so he can feel the skin pressing along his cold back . ❛ but i have rarely kissed one like this . ❜ it is rare vulnerability ; he hides it by pressing lips to the curve of his mortal ’ s jaw , teeth lightly pressing ; they are just slightly sharp .