Still Waking Up

For among these winters there is one so endlessly winter that only by wintering through it will your heart survive.

[lulukirsten]

[yellow-eyed-sam]

open??

There was a box of chocolates on the desk.

It had been less hours than I had human fingers since I’d shifted back. I couldn’t count them without the sun. Six? Seven? Enough for the sun to rise high from the early morning and then begin to set once again. Enough for me to slip inside, change into whatever clothes I’d found in my dusty drawer, and then steal a car to drive my way out to Duluth for truffles. It was a shorter drive than usual, less traffic than usual in the city, and I didn’t bother turning on the radio. An hour of my fingers drumming against the steering wheel, ten minutes of the delightfully pleasant shop music as I waited in line to buy the chocolates, and then another hour of more drumming.

I slipped back in quietly, closing the door to my room behind me out of habit even though I hadn’t seen anyone on the way up. The house felt lived in. The tiny changes were comforting, something to come home to when no bodies were around to look at me and prove that I was Sam again. My room felt lived in. I thought, wistfully, of how maybe Grace spent her nights in here even if I wasn’t here. How this room tied us together even if I was gone from it. But I didn't know if the long winter was enough to freeze the pain away. I didn't know if I could miss her any more than I did right then.

I threw off my shoes and threw the chocolates onto the desk, mumbling a quiet “two hours” to myself. On any other day, driving that far for a box of six little chocolates would be ridiculous for even me. I just needed something to do, something to remind me that I was me. I could drive. I could buy chocolates. I could close the door behind myself in my room and pretend I was writing song lyrics when I was definitely just staring at a blank page, and then staring out of the window to see the sun setting as the paper cranes flew above me. The chocolates remained untouched for another four hours. Five? Enough for me to know that I definitely had no appetite for chocolate today.

[yellow-eyed-sam]

My fingers are worn and I have separated myself from all that I have known what do you make, of the place you call home My heart sits heavily along with all interior excess, not all strong how can I carry on when all that exists is wrong We were all carrying corpses none of us took the road toward this innocent casualties hopeless disappearing into forests

Into Forests  (Runners Club) 

[moong-bean]

A short wordless comic I made for class a few weeks ago.

[ladyfairylight]

(via ⏃ ohhithere ;D)

[maevns]

books i’ve read → the wolves of mercy falls series by maggie stiefvater

“Once upon a time, there was a girl named Grace Brisbane. There was nothing particularly special about her, except that she was good with numbers, and very good at lying, and she made her home in between the pages of books. She loved all the wolves behind her house, but she loved one of them most of all.”  

[yellow-eyed-sam]

Thoughts

Flashes of red. I could only remember flashes of red and the sound of leaves crunching and the feel of the familiar pain that I've must've felt for an unending eternity. My thoughts still weren't back to me. I wasn't me, yet. I wasn't Sam again. I could still feel it inside me, the ghost of memories, the ghost of what my life is and what it isn't. Maybe, maybe in a few days I'll remember. Maybe I'll be able to find a way to explain the ghost, the part of myself that is so dead to me and yet so, so alive. Right now, laying in the leaves with my newly formed skin, I am only tired and full of meaningless fragments of thoughts.

[makequotescolourful]

~Maggie Stiefvater, Forever

[grunge-top]

[fafifefoto]

[lovelysummerwolf]

i feel you watching me in the christmas lights. i feel your eyes in the night sky.

[yellow-eyed-sam]

ive never felt more far away from you than i do right now.

[rainbowinmysoup-blog]

Visit Original Link

[grunge-top]

- only grunge posts -

[playlistoftheweek]

[justjulespictures]

home

[samisoffthewall]

[imagindragins]

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eyes closed // the narrative

[fuckyeahswellmusic]

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The Drums - Money

“Before I die I’d like to do something nice Take my hand and I’ll take it for a ride You hit me yesterday because I made you cry So before we die let me do something nice I want to buy you something but I don’t have any money No, I don’t have any money”