Damn dat ass

Do he got the booty? He dooooo!

[zzazu]

I dont think we give dogs enough credit for how brave they are for going face-first down the stairs

[anxietyproblem]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird]

We did it. We’re finally free.

[scerek]

Scary Movie 2 (2001), dir. Keenen Ivory Wayans

[modernpendu]

Eye contact can hit you like a bullet.

[neontologist-deactivated2020100]

broooo i was kidding when i asked you to move to a rural italian village with me and start a new life lmao. deadass bro. unless…

[mathsturbation]

i am the shyest attention whore ever

[such-justice-wow]

I want attention!!! If you’re not busy… And you want to…. Its okay if you don’t

[themagicalladycat]

[penguin-and-kiwi]

I'll do it for you, creamy

[vvendys]

dont be embarrassed about something u enjoy ok 

[nyctosaurid]

why did i put up with shit from teachers playing god in high school. if a college professor tried to stop me from getting up to go to the restroom or get a drink of water i’d literally just say “no”, walk out the door, and go see a movie instead

[understands]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726]

stop asking me how everything is going, i don’t know i’ve been ignoring it

[bettydraperlookingpissed]

[goldkat-g0negrey-deactivated201]

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

[mediocrepresident]

YES

[fortangel]

No but my dad actually did this at McDonalds in the 70s!

So here’s a true story: my father, sometime in the 70s was looking for his first job. He went to the local McDonalds and told the staff, [manager’s name] said I was supposed to start today. They took his word for it and started training him and by the time the manager saw him and asked who he was, people just said “oh that’s the new guy.”

Somehow this actually worked. My dad worked there for a couple of years as a cook. He even won an award plaque which he had on the wall until the day he died.

[trilllizard666]

Confidence Helps

[advanced-procrastination]

Me, walking into FBI Headquarters:

“Name’s Burt Macklin, I work here now.”

[miridai]

[squided]

I sent this into a group chat once and a guy flipped out at how my sense of humor is horrible and kicked me out of the chat

[meladoodle]

My friend just told me he was in a conference call and his coworker meant to say "shoot your shot" and accidentally said "shoot your load" to like 25 clients and they all turned off their cameras and microphones to laugh for like 2 minutes.