don't

my name is Jess this is my tumblo everything you need to know about me things I draw hot tunes to jam out to bad jokes: also on twitter

[captainesc]

Some favorite Muppet Christmas Carol tweets from last year, Christmas Eve.

[sixmapleleafs]

I found this on tiktok and I laughed so hard so I thought I’d share on here

It’s so chaotic I love it

[the-privateer]

just so you guys are all aware, the only reason gritty exists is allegedly because the NHL made a rule that every team HAD to have a mascot and were apparently assholes about it. so the fliers made him as a chaotic fuck you. hell the first tweet made on his official account was a "sleep with one eye open" threat towards another mascot for making fun of his design

[0v9]

are we not going to talk about how he launched an entire sheetcake into that man’s face, probably killing him?

[lavender-truth]

[lavender-truth]

He also collects crystals

[mattefier-deactivated20221118]

When I tell you I screamed, I actually screamed 😭😭😭

[rook-the-catechumen]

the Kings and I getting ready to play some D&D

[gaiomon]

In an apocalyptic scenario, I’d spend my last moments alive watching this.

[fakescience]

Why Brush?

[horrorofthebeast]

[beeftea78-deactivated20200113]

one gag that never fails to make me lose my shit is when a character is shown next to a framed photograph of themselves, in the exact same pose as in the photo

it’s a mouthful to explain but god damn. that is comedy gold right there. 

[buggerygrips]

[ghostfromthefuture]

[birkholtz]

[sakimcgee]

[projectsnt-deactivated20230702]

[tobys-nice-blog]

Cake Boss inspired things to say during sex:

We’re gonna dirty ice it

EEEeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy

This is my brother in law, Joey

I don’t think it’s going to fit through the door

What a great reaction

[sistertaxon]

tried my hand at improving conservative memes

[featheredcritter]

when the humans actually think that you’re a normal dog and let you in the outpost without suspecting a thing

[grimeclown]

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

[texcritterspizzajamboree]

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

[meme-loving-stuck]

this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible

[welele]

[youngalientype]

I'm out picking my own raspberries and...

[youngalientype]

Everyone please look at this I am fucking crying alone in a field of raspberries

[tackorama]

[3828281493392929-deactivated201]

breakfast

[teioh]

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[the-fairy-dong-mother]

Sometimes facebook is hilarious

[mcmangos]