The Goldfish

Welcome to my aquarium. Feel free to ask me anything! I am a 21 year old girl I really like life and coffee I wish the moustache fad would go away

[1234599999-deactivated20190801]

when you accidentally type ‘teh’ instead of ‘the’

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

the idea that people nowadays are more sensitive and easy to offend than they were in the past is such horseshit. people used to throw hands if you stepped on their shadow and calling a person a coward was legally justifiable grounds for them to challenge you to a duel with pistols.

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

since some people are having trouble understanding what i meant here, i would like to clarify that i am 100% mocking the hypocrisy of people who idolize the “good old days when people weren’t offended by everything” and then turn around and whine about how sjws are ruining their lives

if you’re whining about sjws in the comments of this post please know that i am making fun of you and that the old white relative you idolize for “giving no fucks” probably cried himself to sleep last night when he saw an interracial couple in a target commercial 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

me, late 20s, discovering i love to cook, and have neck pain: holy shit i’m going to turn into a person who does yoga

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

me, buying paper napkins and eyebanging a herb garden: i’m having an identity crisis 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

me: *reaches automatically for coaster, catches sight of my reflection in my newly purchased wine glasses that were on sale*: i don’t know who you are anymore

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

“i’m not a fan of embellishments on throw pillows, they tend to snag” I say, and gasp in horror at what I’ve become

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

“Did you know they make odorized garbage bags now?” I say without flinching,  the sclerae of my eyes as black and ashen as my soul

[qvilligan]

Eyebanging a Herb Garden

[that-one-cunt-deactivated202208]

How was that what you focused on?!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no no, that’s fair

[browsedankmemes]

[niknak79]

[30-minute-memes]

It’s true

[mysharona1987]

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

rich ppl are like so easily convinced abt ghosts I remember growing up it was near this vacant lot and whenever I broke a toy instead of going to face the wrath of my mother I would fucking bury it in that lot and then sure enough, some dude tried to develop the land and found a ton of buried rotten dolls and shit and told everyone it was haunted

it’s been over a decade and that lot is still vacant 

[johnnyfourballs]

You single handedly tanked the value of someone’s prime real estate and that makes me happy

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

As soon as I read this I immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and I was five posts down my dash before I realised I was becoming Scooby Doo villain

[just-shower-thoughts]

a lion will never know that a squid is a thing

[dankmemeuniversity]

[gifini]

[0raccoonwitch]

Honestly one of the best things I’ve seen a goPro used for

[setheverman]

what’s the mood for july?

[medievalthymes]

[unclefather]

[thoughtsofdog]

i’m the only thing preventing the mailman and the vacuum from killing my entire family

[fake]

this was such a confusing and frightening post before i read the name of the blog that posted it

[tenderleelee]

I keep repeating, “Self-control is just empathy with your future self” and it’s honestly saving my life right now.

[all-things-comedy]

[hydro-homies]

I can remember it like yesterday