All The Feels
Pairing - Thomas Shelby and Reader
Trigger Warning- 18 *, violence, swearing.
Slowly blinking, Tommy adjusted to the sunlight filtering into the room. He was wrapped tightly around a warm body. Both arms tucked around your waist, one hand resting between your breasts. One leg was entwined with one of your legs, twisted around each other. Your back tucked into his chest, he could feel your heart beating.
Fuck.....
He was in too deep, he had allowed himself to be sucked in. Way toooo deep. Rule number one... don't get attached. He had no time for a woman and enough to worry about. Enough people to protect, he didn't need another one adding to the list. He was a busy man; he had responsibilities. Businesses, family, no.... fuck he didn't need this stress.
Why had he stayed over at your place again? How many nights in a row was this? Why had he been seeing you constantly? Seeking you out? Thinking about you, imagining your smile, how your nose creased when you laughed. He loved your laugh, no fuckā¦ not love no way.
You were a distraction, that was all. He couldn't take his eyes off the ball. Couldn't get swept away with a woman. He had other priorities.
How had you done it? Lured him in like this? It was pissing him off! Had you cursed him? Did you have some sort of spell on him? He had even been taking you on fucking dates!! Dates!!! What the fuck, Tommy? He didnāt date, he fucked and then chucked them out.
No... he needed to stop this now. He had business to attend to.
Billy Kimber to deal with, police sniffing around.
He was busy and needed to be focused.
Sighing, he let himself take a deep inhale. Why did your hair have to smell so fucking good? Like fresh flowers in the field, reminding him of when he was out riding his horse. And your skinā¦ it was so soft, so kissable. He had traced every part of your skin with his lips.
Tommy began to feel angrier the more he thought about it. How had he let himself become so weak?! He had to get up, get dressed, and escape. Then, he would just turn all of these strange feelings off. Revert to being cold and distant.
If he was mean enough and pushed you away, you would take the hint. He was single, and the best way to get over someone was to get under them. Lizzie would happily oblige. He would just fuck around, get you out of his system.
It was the only way.
You shifted slightly next to him, letting out a little moan as you got comfortable. Why did that make his chest feel strange? His heart was fucking fluttering. Fluttering!! How did that happen? he left his heart in France, he was sure of it.
Your small hand entwined with his, as you snuggled closer. And fuck!! His cock went against all of his thoughts, and got hard. Noā¦. No ā¦ not now. He had just psyched himself up into leaving. No way was he gonna end up like John. Married with a tribe of kids!
No thank you!
He would let himself hold you for five more minutes, and then leave. Just five, that wouldnāt hurt. He just had to block his thoughts out of his head. Stop overthinking. He had made the right decision, he had to do what was right. What was best for him.
And finishing this now, before it went too far, was the best option. He had to do it now, today, as soon as possible. Just man up and do it. In .... four minutes... just four more.
Bending his head, he sniffed your hair again. Wishing he could bottle the smell, it seemed to calm him. You seemed to calm him; he had been stressed yesterday. After a meeting with Campbell, you had calmed him down. Without even trying.
You were just there, just held him, kissed him. Talked to him, without asking too many questions. He hated questions. You were smart, you knew not to delve too far into his personal affairs.
āAre you smelling my hair?ā You asked with a giggle, voice still sounding tired.
āNope,ā he lied, letting his fingers drift along your cleavage. He loved your breasts, just more than a handful. Made to fit into his palm, with the most suckable rose pink nipples.
Why couldnāt life just be this simple? Just pause this moment, laying in bed together. In peace ā¦ in happinessā¦
āLiar,ā you laughed, leaning back to look into his eyes. His sparkling blue orbs staring straight back at you. Though he had a slight frown creasing his brow. His grip on your waist tightened, as he bent to kiss your full lips.
You rocked your hips against his, rolling your ass over his erection. āI... erm... I need to go,ā he breathed out through a hiss. Wanting to sink inside of you, just one last timeā¦ But even he thought that would be a total dick move. He didnāt want to use you like that. You deserved better.
āOk,ā you breathed out, trying to hide the disappointment from your voice.
You wanted him to stay, to hold you, kiss you, let your bodies mould together. Turning in his arms, you looked up at him. Attempting to read his expression. He seemedā¦.
Angry? Confused, maybe? He was hard to read, maybe he was just tired. You both didn't get much sleep last night.
Propping up on your elbows, you hovered over him. Letting your nose rub against his, with a smile. His fingers caressed lightly along your jaw, before gripping your chin. And pulling you in for a searing kiss. It soon turned passionate, hands exploring skin.
Like he was kissing you for the last timeā¦
āFuck,ā he muttered before pulling away.
Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, his head falling to his chest. Fingers raking through his hair. Before reaching for his beloved cigarettes, lighting one, he inhaled, blowing the smoke up to the ceiling.
āTalk to me ā¦ whatās wrong, Tommy?ā You questioned, shuffling toward him. The sheet wrapped around your body, shielding you from the cool morning air.
Pulling his underwear on, he stood up. Searching around the room for his clothes, as he took another drag from his cigarette. Your question was left hanging in the air, remaining unanswered. His cold glare met yours.
Catching your eye and quickly looking away, he began to pull his trousers on.
āI ā¦ canāt do this,ā he finally spoke, cigarette hanging from between his lips.
You felt like you had been slapped, visibly shrinking back. I can't do this, you knew what that meant. But still, you felt you had to ask. Taking a moment to think, you looked back up at him.
"Do what?" Eyes flicking back to you, he extinguished the cigarette in a glass next to your bed.
"This," he replied, gesturing between you both with his outstreched palm.
āUs, ey... this... thing... whatever this is,"
A lump formed in your throat, do not cry, do not fucking cry, Y/n. Grabbing his shirt, he slid his left arm into it. Clearly focused on getting dressed and leaving here as soon as he could.
"Oh..." slipped from your lips.
Oh?! Seriously, Y/n, was that all you could say? Oh!! Idiot!!! So the past few months had been for nothing? He had wasted your time? You didn't mean anything to him?
Nothing at all?
Pausing, Tommy looked at your face. You seemed stunned, confused, and your eyes were watery. No... don't fucking cry, please don't cry. He couldn't see you upset, couldn't leave you here crying. He would have to give in and comfort you. Stroke your hair, and promise he will make it better.
"I... I don't have time for anything, for this," he gestured again with his palm. "I'm busy, and well, we had fun, yeah?" Tucking his shirt into his trousers, he waited for you to answer.
"Fun?" you scoffed, slipping from the bed. The thin sheet barely covering your body. "That's what last night was, a last bit of fun? Before you threw me away?" Tommy scrunched his eyebrows together.
"You didn't have to stay over, you could have just left after you came inside me," You spat bitterly, walking across the room.
Just go, you prayed, just leave. You would not break down in front of him.
One minute, he was spending all of his spare time with you. Wining and dining you, spending the night, then now? He was too busy? Fuck him! Hearing him shuffling around behind you, you poured a glass of water in your kitchen.
"Y/n ... listen... It's not you," he began, crossing the room to stand behind you. āDonāt think that,ā
Spinning around, you physically pushed him away. "Do not say, it's not you, it's me," you snarled, wanting to laugh out loud at this turn of events. "At least own it, Tommy. You are bored with me, plain and simple."
That was so far from the truth, but he couldn't admit that.
It would only make this harder.
"I'm... fuck ā¦ that's not," he couldn't even vocalise how to explain his feelings.
"Just go," you warned, pointing to the door. Your voice shaking with emotion. Tommy took another step... "Go!" you screamed, tears streaming down your face.
Sighing, he lowered his head and walked away. Leaving you absolutely shattered....
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