enemies-to-lovers is about power, actually
I think a lot of people misunderstand why enemies to lovers is so popular. Itโs quickly become one of the most pervasive tropes in many novels. Is it the banter, the tension? Thatโs definitely part of it. But if that were true, then friends-to-lovers and literally any romance with good dialogue and characterization would scratch the same itch. For some, it does, but for manyโฆenemies-to-lovers just hits different.ย
My theory is that it isnโt actually about love, not really. I think it fulfils a fantasy that no other trope can provide: the fantasy of being seen as an equal.ย
Think about what specifically makes someone an enemy in fiction. Itโs not just someone the MC dislikes, itโs someone who can affect them in tangible ways, maybe even have the power to ruin them, challenge their worldview, expose their weaknesses, etc. The relationship begins with conflict because the characters are fundamentally opposed in some way. It doesnโt matter why, but theyโre fighting. There is a struggle for dominance.ย
I would argue that the most impactful enemies-to-lovers moments are never the romantic moments, theyโre the scenes where power shifts. They BOTH lose: theyโre forced into a position that would have horrified them at the beginning of the story. They end up needing (or wanting) each other.ย
Thatโs why I think people are often disappointed when a supposed enemies-to-lovers story turns out to be a milquetoast attempt where theyโre just kinda mean to each other for a few pages, and then immediately start making out. Whereโs the risk, the actual threat? If the characters arenโt capable of genuinely affecting one another, then the relationship isnโt actually transforming in a satisfying way. The appeal is in the fact that they have power over each other, because the eventual trust they build requires real surrender.
Because hereโs the thing about enemies; they pay attention, and usually more attention than anyone else. They notice weaknesses because theyโre actively looking for them, they notice strengths because they need to account for them. They notice habits, blind spots, ambitions, fears.ย
They study the MC with a level of scrutiny that borders (and later crosses) intimate, but unlike friends (or supporting characters in the MCโs corner) theyโre not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, they donโt overlook flaws out of affection. Which is exactly what makes the eventual romance so satisfying. It feels earned.ย
Itโs easy to imagine being loved by someone who sees the best version of you, but itโs an entirely different thing to be loved by someone who has seen you at your worst. Thatโs why this dynamic often feels more convincing than romances where the characters are immediately into each other.
I imagine there are many who go through life feeling misunderstood, or worse, that the people who love them only love the polished, perfect version they present to the world, almost like impostor syndrome. But what if there was someone who couldnโt be fooled by this carefully constructed image?ย
When someone more powerful chooses someone, maybe the fantasy is protection. When itโs someone less powerful, the fantasy might be admiration. But if thereโs someone intelligent and observant enough to see the MC as an equal, the fantasy there is the most intense and honest validation.ย
Which means enemies to lovers was never about turning hate/annoyance into love, it was about turning power into vulnerability โ which is a terrifying loss of power, which THEN leads to intimacy.ย
Definitely think you're on to something, op. Makes me think of @the-modern-typewriter and her masterpieces.
Yeah, I agree OP. It's about power and vulnerability!
Enemies to lovers at it's best is a wonderfully versatile kind of romance, because in the good ones you get things like:
How do you navigate opposing world views? Who challenges your ideals and values to make you a better person? How do you compromise? Because, in a good enemies-to-lovers, it can't actually be that the antagonist was never right about anything or that the protagonist was perfect, or there wouldn't be that mutual respect/attraction. They affect each other. They change each other.
Sacrifice - it's easy to love your friends, it can be easy to love when it doesn't cost you anything, but loving an enemy? What would you actually give up for love? What wouldn't you? When is love enough and when isn't it?
Redemption - not in the 'sad backstory' way, but in the way that you can be forgiven and loved despite the most monstrous or shameful things you have ever done
All of these themes tie into vulnerability, our sense of self, and our power over ourselves and others.
In a good enemies-to-lovers story I don't think it can ever feel like they are just together because it's a romance story. You have to earn it.
Enemies-to-lovers interrogates what it means to love, and how we define love, in a way that I don't think other genres do as much. But I'm also hopelessly biased so!
