BORDERLINE.

[yhsujin]

/ * in the weeds.

yhboonyi:

(...)

all the reason for her nostalgia was clear as the morning shining bright through the windows of the coffee house right into sujin’s face, making her seem younger, more vivid and yet so… annoyed? of course, that isn’t exactly how you expect to greet your childhood friend after such a long time. or just how you expect to greet them at all! boonyi darted all of a sudden holding back herself from speaking, getting smaller and smaller until she was just a kid again.

there’s not much sujin wants to remember when it comes to her childhood.

when she thinks about those times when she was younger, she sees a bright little girl who used to look at the world through rose-colored glasses. she would like to believe that the little girl was once happy, that she once knew how it felt like to be content with what she had and not question about things. she grew up in a middle class family so they didn’t have much to begin with, but they were happy nonetheless. sujin was happy, or at least that’s what it seemed like until she could no longer bear the pent-up anger in her small body, and now she doesn’t know how to stop it from taking over her.

sujin wouldn’t consider herself a morning person — if staying up late at night until early morning is what counts as a morning person, then maybe she is. but thanks to her training routine since seven years ago, waking up in the morning doesn’t feel as challenging to sujin by now. unless she’s had a pretty eventful night (not the kind where she feels overworked to the point she just goes straight to bed after getting back to the dorms, but the one where she manages to sneak out to the clubs and come home with her ass drunk at 3 am), sujin always finds herself wide awake at the same damn time in the morning, even if she already planned to sleep in for the day. 

today is just one of those days. she’s awake early, somehow blessed with some good sleep last night, so she’s out by herself now (she could have dragged one of the girls with her, but considering how quiet the dorm was when she woke up, she decided she would just go alone) with nowhere in mind. perhaps she would just take a walk for now while she thinks of a plan, but after 10 minutes in her growling stomach reminds her that she hasn’t eaten breakfast yet, and what’s better to get in the morning than a cup of coffee and whatever she feels like eating at the coffee shop, right?

well, she certainly doesn’t remember saying she wants coffee all over her clothes, but that’s what she gets as soon as she steps into the place. ah, there goes her good morning. had she been a little out of her mind, she would have let out a what the fuck? when things like this happen, but for some reason she manages to remember she’s not supposed to curse in public, so instead she lets out a loud sigh, shoots the other person an annoyed look because this is absolutely not her fault in the slightest, not when she’s the one who has coffee stains on her favorite denim jacket right now.

is this a sign that she’s about to have a bad day? and as if this is not bad enough for sujin to deal with, she has to find out that out of all people that could have spilled their coffee on her today and ruined her morning, it has to be none other than miss kim boonyi. kim boonyi? finally showing up in front of her after all these years? sure, she’s mad boonyi just disappeared out of her life when she suddenly became an actress, but sujin wasn’t making efforts to reach out to her either back then. maybe it’s not fair to put the blame on boonyi alone, but knowing sujin, that’s the only thing she does when she's angry, so she dumps all the anger on boonyi and makes her the bad guy.

what’s worse about all this is that this is totally unplanned, and sujin isn’t quite sure how to react in this situation. perhaps she would have yelled at boonyi if they weren’t surrounded by so many people here, but she’s not that heartless, is she? not when it comes to boonyi, who is the only person who knows the happy little girl she used to be, who makes her childhood a little less lonely. boonyi was the reason she was even happy back then, but after they suddenly grew apart, it’s like sujin lost a part of herself and it changes her into this bitter person, and right now that’s who boonyi’s looking at.

she should’ve said it’s okay or this is nothing and maybe i can fix this, but instead she goes with, “are you for real?” sujin could tell this is not a dream, that she’s wide awake, that everything about this is real, and maybe that’s a stupid question to ask to your childhood best friend when you haven’t seen them for so long, but she just couldn’t help it. she’s bitter, and the more she stares at boonyi the more she wants to scream at her right now. “you should be careful next time,” she says, her tone quiet. “i’m just, uh, i think i’m gonna go clean this up.” god, maybe she should have just turned around and leave while she has the chance, but then again she would rather lock herself up in the restroom for a couple more hours if it means she doesn’t have to see boonyi again.

please, please, please don’t follow me. i don’t really know how to face you like this.

[yhsujin]

haunted house, heck no ~

yhyura:

(...)

“usually, if i find out a house is haunted, i leave.” she told her, pointed her thumb behind her. “in this case, you want to go through this cursed place, then i guess we can, at least while i’m still willing.” she sighed, shaking her head as she ran a hand through her hair. what was the point of putting her hair back up if she planned to leave right after this, anyway? “i just hope it won’t scare me too much. i’m only doing this for you, sujin, and only you.” she had nothing really to prove to herself - she was a coward and these things scared her. need she prove anything else? all she could do was try to hide her screams of terror and try not to jump so much at every little thing, but it wasn’t guaranteed to work.

sure, there’s a lot of bad things that could happen. a pessimist like nam sujin would know, but when things like ghosts and spirits are involved, for some reason she likes to look at them on the bright side. yeah, maybe she’s just doing it wrong. maybe it’s not something a normal person would do — well, sujin doesn’t know really know what normal is, but if being interested in the dark and scary side of the world is not normal, then yeah, maybe she’s not. maybe she’s the normal one and everyone’s weird.

that works too, right? that’s why she’s been persuading yura to come with her, although at this point it just seems like she’s dragging the poor girl along whether she likes it or not. (she’s quite aware that yura doesn’t like it, but she’s also actively trying to ignore that fact now, isn’t she?) it’s not like she has much patience to be convincing people to do things with her, especially if it takes a lot to make them say yes, but sujin’s different on halloween. somehow she’s got a lot of patience to spare today.

perhaps if yura had yelled at her instead of pleading, she would have considered leaving the girl alone. but she didn’t, so sujin assumes she isn’t that scared, and that maybe she actually wants to go to the haunted house tour but she needs someone to come with her, despite how persistent she’s been about not wanting to go near the place at all. maybe it’s just her trying to make sense of the situation, but she figures what yura wants now doesn’t matter. she’s still going to make yura come with her.

a laugh manages to escape from her upon hearing yura’s words, albeit unintentionally. she didn’t mean to laugh at that statement, but it’s almost impossible not to. yeah, maybe she’s weird, or god knows what else does she look like to yura right now. maybe she looks crazy too, because why would someone be so excited about entering a haunted house anyways? sujin’s answer would be: why not? doesn’t it make you curious? this would be so much easier if they’re on the same page, but sujin doesn’t really mind it. maybe she just wants to see how terrified yura would get in this kind of situation, as horrible as that sounds like. sorry, yura, you’re stuck with me now.

“well, aren’t i lucky? you’re willing to go through this hell house with me together. that’s so sweet of you, yura.” and while it does sound like she’s being sarcastic, sujin actually means it. she has expected yura to just leave, or get mad for being pressured into doing something against her will, so she’s kinda impressed that yura is still here with her right now. if she doesn’t count the fact that she literally has her arm around yura’s, that’s it. “you know what would be sweeter? if we stop talking and go straight into the house. i feel like the longer we’re out here the more you’re likely to change your mind,” she tells yura, pulling her together as she slowly approaches the entrance of the mansion. “if this really ends up being scary, i’d do anything you want for a month.”

but of course, she only says that as an attempt to make yura feel better.

[yhsujin]

nam sujin @ club ritz’s masquerade party

[yhsujin]

spooky rants

skyline park events ft. @yhwonjun

as someone who enjoys watching horror movies, the outdoor screenings of halloween movies at the skyline park sounds like a good idea. she’s pretty much confident that she already watches most of them, if not all, so when she doesn’t recognize the movie’s currently playing, she decides it would be best if she sits down and watches it.

what she didn’t expect is for her to fall asleep halfway through, and she could only hope people are busy getting scared to even notice that her eyes are literally half-closed until the movie comes to an end. well, shit. the realization eventually hits her that she doesn’t even know what’s the movie is all about, and if she can sleep through it, maybe it’s safe to assume that it’s not interesting enough nor it is scary at all. the movie might not be as good, but at least the nap is, so she doesn’t really have much to complain about.

and the funny thing is she’s not the only one. apparently wonjun, who happens to sit beside her also ended up dozing off during the movie, so neither of them actually watched it until the end. maybe she’d never find out about the ending, but if she doesn’t care enough to stay awake throughout everything, she might as well just forget about it now. that’s why the two of them choose to leave and take a walk around the park instead, already losing trust in whoever’s in charge of the scary movies here.

“don’t you think the decorations are a little bit boring?” sujin remarks, eyes busy looking around the place. “like how is all this considered scary or halloween-worthy? aren’t they supposed to make us feel spooked? do you feel spooked at all?” well, maybe the others might find it creepy, but it takes a lot to scare the shit out of sujin, so it only makes sense for her to be so unimpressed about the decorations.

but then again, maybe they just don’t want to give people heart attacks as soon as they step into the park. after all who’s gonna participate in the activities if the terrifying decorations scare them away, right? shifting her attention back to wonjun this time, she continues with, “kinda feels like i’m at a halloween-themed park for kids.”

[yhsujin]

sugar at night

masquerade party ft. @yhhanbin

well, of course this is already getting boring. it’s club ritz, after all.

this is not the kind of party that sujin usually attends, so why is she even here now? for starters, a masquerade party sounds fun and fancy, and it’s not often she attends one. the fact that serin, her best friend, is also going makes her think that maybe she could give it a try, even if she feels like she’s about to regret it as soon as she enters the place. at least she knows she has serin to make all this a bit more tolerable in case she doesn’t like it, and if what she’s heard about club ritz is true, their specialties should be enough to make her stay longer than she has initially planned to for tonight.

but then again, what’s the point of staying if she’s not having fun?

it’s been a hot minute since she got separated from serin, and now that she’s on her own, all she can do is sip on her wine as she observes (read: judges) these people around her. everyone seems a little bit too proper to her liking, like they’re hiding behind masks, which aren’t entirely wrong because they all are wearing masks right now, but still, they give out a certain vibe that she isn’t quite fond of, the kind that just screams... fake. maybe it’s the boredom, or maybe she’s starting to hate it here, but there’s something in the way these people act that make her feel a tad bit annoyed.

once she’s gotten her glass wine refilled, sujin decides to stay at the bar upon noticing this particular man, who apparently has been sitting here for a while from her prior observation. not that she’s watching him or something, but it does seem like he’s not having much fun either, which is why sujin thinks she could talk to him. with her eyes on the crowds, she blurts out, “does it seem like everyone is just pretending to have fun or is it just me?” only then did she turn to look at the guy, gives him a little pout before saying, “please don’t tell me you’re having fun. you can’t even pretend that well.”

[yhsujin]

nam sujin as sophie from howl’s moving castle @ haunted house tour & skyline park events  + matching with @yhhideyo as howl 

[yhsujin]

— when the party's over ;

yhserin:

(...)

“sujin…” she croaks out, the moment the call gets picked up. “my head hurts and my breath stinks and i desperately need water but what i need more than anything is to have you here right now, because you need to convince me last night did not happen. god, i can’t believe what i did.”

perhaps getting wasted for two nights in a row isn’t the best decision, and sujin could only be thankful she has nothing on her schedule today. the idol doesn’t really have the energy to do anything else after spending most of it on those halloween events, although amidst the horrible headache and the sick feeling in her stomach right now, she could still manage to recall it as the best halloween she’s ever had in her life.

reaching for her phone to check the time, her eyes instantly lights up at the sight of a text message from hideyo. she spends like a hot minute staring at it with a stupid grin, the moments they shared together on the previous day slowly replaying in her head. everything still feels a little surreal to sujin, because how did she get so lucky?

she knows she’s gonna get into trouble if her company ever finds out, given that she’s not supposed to be dating anyone at the moment. but knowing sujin, who has been notoriously breaking rules the company has set out for them, it shouldn’t really be a surprise that she’s willing to break another one. thank god her manager isn’t really the strict type, or else sujin would never be able to get away with all the things she’s done behind the company’s back. god, she would probably lose her mind if she actually chooses to live by their rules. after dedicating almost six years of her life to idol training, sujin believes she deserves a little freedom to do what she wants at times.

it’s when the headache comes back did she only snap out of it, eventually realizing that she badly needs to go get some water right now, so with all her might she pushes herself out of bed and makes her way to the kitchen. sujin should be used to this by now, considering how much she enjoys partying and going out for some drinks, but that never makes dealing with hangover any much easier. as soon as she’s done quenching her thirst, sujin hears her phone ringing, and it doesn’t take her long to pick up the call upon seeing the contact name on the screen. it’s yoon serin, after all.

“hey, what’s up?” she says, her voice raspy. there’s confusion written all over her face as she listens to the girl's words, trying to remember anything from last night that is worth to be forgotten. it’s common to do stupid things when you’re drunk, and maybe it’s the fact that her brain hasn’t fully awakened yet, but sujin can’t really figure out what serin is talking about. oh, wait, maybe she gets it now. even if serin can’t see her right now, sujin narrows her eyes playfully before she could say, “are you really gonna make me come over at your house after you just dumped me at the party last night?”

that’s the only thing she could recall at this moment, and in her defense, that is actually worth of serin saying you need to convince me last night did not happen nor god, i can’t believe what i did. “you’re too much, yoon serin. and yes, that did happen last night! i can’t believe you would do that to your best friend,” she complains, albeit in a joking manner. she’s pretty sure it’s not that serious, but it’s always fun to tease serin whenever she’s got the chance anyways. “i really thought you had went missing.”

[yhsujin]

just me and you

yhhideyo:

(...)

“do you want to dance or get something to drink?” hideyo asks, hand squeezing her waist a little, keeping her close. “i don’t really care about their contest, but if we wanna have a shot we have to be seen. but i think we should win just because there is no one better looking than you here, i’m sure of that.” he chuckles, shamelessly in love before kissing sujin.

to say that she’s excited for this countdown party would be an understatement.

sujin has always loved dressing up for halloween. it’s the time of the year where she thrives the most, and sujin absolutely enjoys coming up with costume ideas for the holiday. usually she would opt for something more creepy rather than dressing up as a character, but how could she say no when hideyo is the one who suggested it?

maybe she has only agreed to do it out of love, considering that he likes anime so much. but anything that makes him happy makes her happy too, so sujin doesn’t really mind showing up at yang2 countdown party dressed as an anime character like this. as long as she has hideyo with her here, nothing else would matter anyways.

this halloween is about to be her best one yet, and she’s so glad she would be able to celebrate it with hideyo this time. a few weeks ago she wouldn’t have thought it was possible — well, they did talk about halloween and matching costumes before the fight even happened, but after leaving jeju on bad terms with each other, sujin had really believed it was over for them. it would be a lie to say she didn’t regret everything she said to hideyo that night, that she didn’t even try to stop him from leaving. 

but right now as they enter yang2 hand in hand, she promises herself she would never let him go again, especially not when hideyo is now her boyfriend. the thought of it still makes her heart flutter, makes her heart dance in pure joy because god, she’s so in love. she’s so mad in love and all she cares about is hideyo at this moment, even with all these people around. well, they can all mind their own goddamn business. upon feeling him pulling her closer, sujin returns her attention to him, rosy lips automatically spread into a smile as she embraces him, arms wrapped around his neck.

the compliment that comes from him makes her feel giddy. sure, she’s been told she’s pretty before, thanks to those adoring fans, but there’s something special about hearing it from someone she loves. not that she doesn’t love those fans, but it just hits different when hideyo’s the one who says it, and for someone who doesn’t smile as much on a regular day, sujin just can’t seem to stop smiling in the presence of hideyo. she lets out a chuckle before saying, “there’s no one i would rather be here with than you so yeah, i can say you’re pretty lucky, baby.” she grins, staring back at him fondly.

“and look at you,” sujin says, moving back a little so she could fully examine his face (as if she hasn’t seen it enough before). “maybe if anime characters look as good as you i’d become a fan.” with that being said, she lets out a playful chuckle as she leans closer to hideyo, slim fingers playing with his hair. “i don’t think they can beat this handsome face though. oh, except for howl, maybe. i kinda like him.” and of course, she remembers him telling her that he’s been told he kinda looks like howl. perhaps that’s why she even likes howl in the first place, because she can see hideyo in him.

sujin hasn’t thought about the contest until hideyo mentions it, she’s been too busy thinking about how perfect everything is at this moment, with just the two of them here and nothing else. it’s nothing much, really, but sujin loves it, feels like she’s the luckiest girlfriend ever to have hideyo with her here tonight. she smiles against his lips before kissing him back, only to let out a giggle when she slowly pulls away from him.

“sure, let’s get something to drink and dance for a bit.” as long as it’s with you, i’d do anything. “well, we don’t have to win the contest to know that we have the best costume, but maybe we deserve the recognition, right? i mean, we look perfect. it would be a shame if people don’t see us,” sujin says, pouting at him. “but then again i don’t really care if they see us or not. i just wanna be with you, so maybe we can forget about the contest.” she leans to plant a kiss on his nose, smiling sheepishly afterwards.

[yhsujin]

nam sujin as san from princess mononoke @ yang2 countdown party + matching with @yhhideyo as ashitaka

[yhsujin]

heaven in hiding

eunhoyh:

(...)

“i’m not gonna kick you out, but i won’t force you to stay if you feel like you need to get away, you know? if it feels like it’s too much, sometimes it’s better to leave so you can calm down. sometimes you have to take care of yourself first.” that.. was oddly unlike eunho, since he was never one to really take the advice he gave out, and not that it was good anyway. but this feels like it’s something that namhyuk or lia or boonyi would tell him, so it feels right. it’s when she mentions feelings that he realises, and he sends her a sad smile back. “not that i’m the best person to talk to about feelings, because i’m equally as emotionally constipated, if not more..” eunho trails off, lifting one leg up to rest an elbow on it. “it fucking sucks. especially when you don’t feel in control of your own feelings, but.. what’s life without feeling, you know? it makes us human.” his eyes linger on the prestige tiles that decorate the floor. “i’m guessing this has something to do with hideyo hyung? i kind of heard you guys..”

this is not what parties are for, right? sujin is not supposed to be at one, especially if it’s eunho’s, and not feel like she’s not having fun. this is exactly her kind of scene so she’s used to the blasting music, the blinding lights, the excitement, the alcohol, the crowds, the sweaty bodies grinding against each other on the dance floor. she’s been to a lot of parties despite her career as an idol, and this one should be no different, yet it feels like she’s so out of place, like suddenly all these things feel foreign to her.

it’s this stupid feeling that’s making her freak out, and she doesn’t know how much longer she could hold it in before she ends up exploding. sure, sujin’s good at bottling up her emotions, but not for long, not when she’s far away from peering eyes and there’s only eunho with her in this room. she’d like to believe she doesn’t care about what people think, but it’s hard when you’re an idol, when every move you make is entitled to criticism, so she learns to put up a tough front, learns to appear calm even in the worst situation. but tonight she’s not here as an idol, she’s here as nam sujin.

and nam sujin doesn’t really care about her reputation, does she?

that’s why she’s here in jeju right now, because the idol sujin couldn’t be seen at this kind of party. still she gets a little wary sometimes, although the alcohol usually makes her forget all about it, makes her live in the moment. maybe that’s the problem, she thinks. she doesn’t drink enough, and that makes her antsy, like she’s about to lose her mind. “wait, how am i the more responsible one?” sujin asks, faking an offended look. “oh, trust me. i’m about to do as bad as you did or even worse. i’m just taking my time.” at his little warning, sujin pulls a face before saying, “that’s not gonna stop me though. i’ll give it a try, see if i’ll regret it for real.” she gives eunho a cheeky grin.

sujin appreciates the next words he said, eventually realizing how serious this conversation is getting. it’s always like this when the two are together, isn’t it? they could be talking about some random things in a minute and suddenly they get a little too deep, in which sujin doesn’t mind at all. in fact it’s one of the things she likes about their friendship. it feels nice to have someone she could sit down and talk to about anything, so it’s not really a surprise if she ends up telling eunho about what’s bothering her at the moment. she knows she could trust eunho to listen to her, but that doesn’t mean she’s not struggling to put her thoughts into words. it’s complicated.

she just needs to let it out, because the more she tries to hold it in, the more it wants to come out and she feels like she’s really going to go crazy if she doesn’t talk about it to someone else right now. yeah, sure, maybe she’d talk about it, keep it vague so eunho doesn’t know who she’s talking about. except that’s when she goes wrong, because eunho’s already mentioning hideyo before she could even say it herself.

fuck, fuck, fuck. she doesn’t expect he would catch on that easily.

but who is she trying to fool anyways? it seems like she has forgotten that eunho is one of hideyo’s closest friends, and it’s not like they’re trying to keep their relationship (or whatever it is that they have) lowkey either. anyone who was here in the first day would have at least seen them together around the house, but now is a different story. maybe it’s wrong of her to believe that people wouldn’t notice. she just thinks people won’t care enough, everyone’s too busy making the most of their time anyways.

well, maybe she’s already starting to regret saying this much. at the mention of hideyo, sujin quickly looks away and feels her heart beating fast, like it’s about blow up in any second. she clears her throat unknowingly, tries to come up with something to say. would it be obvious if she just lie and say it’s not? god, she’s not even good at lying, and it feels like she would only make a fool out of herself if she tries. eunho would know something’s wrong, it’s already too late for her to run now. “what did you hear?” is the only thing that comes out from her mouth when she finally finds the courage to look at eunho again, although she’s not sure if that’s what she wants to know. tell me about it.

[yhsujin]

outta my head

yhhideyo:

(...)

he looks at sujin, looks at her one more time. who knows, it might be the last time they are this close. “you’re an asshole sujin, that’s what you are.” he tells her, looking her in the eyes. “if you think i’m really pathetic then i better be going, don’t want to waste your precious time more than i already have.” he gives her a mocking bow. “i think it’s best if we don’t talk to each other… for a while.” and hideyo hates himself for saying it like that, for not giving this, them, an actual ending. but what can do? he is in love with nam sujin. it finally hits him and suddenly it’s too much, he needs to leave, needs to put some distance between them. “i gotta go. goodbye, sujin.” he tells her, giving her one last look before turning away.

she should’ve seen this coming, shouldn’t she? everything about them seems way too good to be true, and sujin knows better to believe that this is real, that they are real.

sujin is an avid believer that nothing in her life would ever go right, but here’s the thing when she’s with hideyo — he makes her believe that it’s possible, that maybe life would actually treat her right this time. for once she believes things would go well for her. it almost feels like a dream, a beautiful one at that, and maybe, maybe she tries a little too hard to keep dreaming because she’s afraid she would lose it all once she's awake.

and right now, right now it feels like she’s finally waking up.

by now she’s ought to learn her lesson, that having hopes only does her no good. sure, sujin’s thought about how all this could end. maybe her busy life would keep her away from seeing hideyo at some point and they would grow apart. sometimes she thinks about hideyo finding someone else he’s more interested in, someone who isn’t just rumored to be dating him, someone who isn’t actually on a dating ban (not that she gives a damn about it, but still). there’s got to be someone better than her, right?

she’s not sure about the girl he kissed at this party, but it’s enough to make her believe that she probably means nothing to hideyo. it makes her feel so stupid, and she knows she looks like it too. perhaps that’s why she’s even mad in the first place. she’s mad because she lets herself believe that there could be something between them, even if they never really talk about it. what if she’s the only one who thinks that way? she couldn’t risk losing what they have right now, but sujin has never been good at dealing with her emotions, especially not when it comes the one she’s familiar the most.

she should’ve known that anger would be her downfall yet again.

at least siwoo had known about it before they were even together. but hideyo? hideyo probably has no idea that sujin could turn this vicious when she’s angry, considering that he’s only seen the good side of her all this time. she stares at the man standing before her, watches as he speaks, wonders if this is how things are going to end for them. a small part of her wants this bad dream to end, wants to save the tiniest bit of hope that they could be something more, but maybe this is it, sujin thinks.

she never thought she would ever hear hideyo call her an asshole — it’s not like she can deny it though, because he’s damn right, sujin is an asshole. a selfish asshole who would rather ruin their relationship than to admit her own feelings. it’s true that she loves hideyo, but she can’t even say that much. what’s the point of telling him that right now when they’re already breaking each other’s hearts like this? hell, they might as well end everything between them right here while they’re at it.

i think it’s best if we don’t talk to each other. that’s it? sujin doesn’t even hear the few last words, too focused on the thought that hideyo actually wants her to stop talking to him, that suddenly he’s gotta go, that he’s already telling her goodbye. goodbye? did he really just say goodbye to her? is this even fucking real? there’s a sudden rush of panic in her body when she sees hideyo turning around, like she knows she needs to stop him from leaving now, but her heart’s already broken and she’s so fucking tired.

if hideyo wants to leave so bad, who is she to stop him anyways?

so instead she tells him, “there won’t be any reason for us to talk to each other ever again so yeah, go ahead and fucking leave.” no, please come back. i’m sorry. i need—

and this is it, sujin’s finally lost him. there’s no one to blame than herself for this, for him leaving, for how much pain she’s caused him, for ruining everything. you fucking did this, sujin. you fucking made him leave. after all the things she’s said to him just now, she has no rights to even question why he chooses to walk away, but watching him leave makes her heart burn, and it hurts so much that she could no longer hold back her tears from spilling out. suddenly this room feels way too small and she needs some fucking air, so she hides her face with one arm as she makes her way out of the place.

(  the end.  )

[yhsujin]

haunted house, heck no ~

yhyura:

(...)

“i’m afraid you’ve gotten the wrong person.” she lowered her hands back to her sides, shaking her head in fear. what should she even do with her arms? it was thoughts like these that made her want to run for the hills. unfortunately, her poker face wouldn’t work here. “i’m too scared to do this.”

sujin isn’t big on holidays, but it’s not hard to tell that halloween’s her favorite one.

anyone who knows her well enough, friends and even fans, would agree that she’s got a heart of stone when it comes to anything spooky. in fact she actually enjoys it, somehow manages to find amusement out of those scary stories she’s heard or read about. she thinks it’s fun, and maybe that’s because she’s not easily scared (except for heights, but that’s not the point here), besides the fact that she’s very much interested in everything dark and creepy. strangely enough they make her feel content.

so when sujin hears about the infamous haunted house in haewol village, she couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of being able to check it out herself during halloween. some people might have avoided it, probably too scared to even give it a try, but sujin is the other half of people who wouldn’t think twice before going there. while she’s more thrilled than anything, it would be too boring to go in there by herself, so upon finding yura on the way and being told that she hasn’t gone to the haunted house yet, it doesn’t take her long to persuade the younger girl to go with her.

“oh, come on now. you can’t just back out when we’re already here!” she tells yura, putting on a frown as she looks at her. “it wouldn’t even be that bad, i promise.” not that she knows what will happen when they step inside the house, but at least sujin can confidently admit that she wouldn’t run away and leave the girl alone. “i told you i’ll protect you if anything happens, right?” sujin says, smiling reassuringly at yura.

it’s evident that yura isn’t as pleased as her about the tour, but that doesn’t stop her from dragging yura here to the haunted house. it’s not like sujin takes pleasure in watching people get scared, though she wouldn’t deny that sometimes she finds it funny. she swears she’s not doing this to yura on purpose — no, sujin’s not that evil, although she’s not very nice either. call her obnoxious, but she’s only helping yura out. thanks to her, yura’s about to find out how it feels like to be in a cursed mansion.

but it seems like that won’t come easy. sujin turns to look at yura again when she speaks, a brow raised as she listens to her words. “there’s no right or wrong person for this, yura.” moving closer, she links her arm with yura’s, eyes still fixed on the girl. “trust me, it’s gonna be okay. you are gonna be okay. what’s the worst that could happen to us anyways?” she could say a lot of things, but she doesn’t want to scare yura off, given that she’s already scared enough. with a cheeky grin, the idol asks, “it’s not often you can enter a haunted mansion in yangcheon, so why not do it?”

[notnyaicu]

[yhsujin]

i know i’ve been hella slow w everything but i swear i’m trying my best!!!! this is me basically trying to look for more plots and threads for sujin ( whether event based or not let’s get it ) so please like this if you’re interested in doing something w my gal so i can bother you!!! possibly tomorrow bc i’m like. ready to go to bed right now. so my brain has kinda stopped functioning but i promise i’ll come to you with some ideas when i get off work tomorrow. if y’all prefer plotting on discord feel free to add me and hit me up @ keurais#6166 if you want <333

[yhsujin]

pretty savage

chahyeonyh:

(...)

“you’re actually fucking crazy,” hyeon comments, matter of fact, her lips wearing the same mischievous smile as sujin’s. “but i’m in. my dad keeps a bunch of his old golf stuff here, so you better not chicken out by the time i get back.” it takes hyeon only a couple of minutes to find her daddy’s long-forgotten golf clubs and she’s happy to note that sujin isn’t passed out. so, she half-heartedly attempts to throw the club at sujin. “catch,” she says rather belatedly, looking amused as the club just flops on the floor. “and i pick that car. the one in black. no reason.”

(hyeon can only hope it belongs to whoever’s ruining the both of their nights.)

it’s so fucking exhausting to pretend something you’re not, isn’t it?

she finds it’s kinda ironic that she chose to become an idol out of all the things she could have been. being an idol is all about putting up a front, a perfect image, because apparently idols are angels, so they couldn’t afford to emote like a normal human being. sujin could tolerate the long practice hours, the sleepless nights, the harsh diets, the travelling to different places when they have events outside of seoul, but putting on a bright smile and pretending she’s happy all the time in public?

that’s the hardest part of it all. to be on your best behavior, to not look at someone without being misunderstood that you’re glaring at them, to keep your shit together. it’s fine for an hour or two, but anything she has to deal with longer than that is quite a struggle, especially when she’s tired and has no patience left in her to be civil around people. that’s when her true colors show, but so far her public image isn’t so bad (she absolutely knows people are talking about her bitchy expressions on camera), although she can’t really say the same about behind the scene. she knows she’s had a few outbursts before, knows she’s probably offended someone or more along the way.

this is why she’s so grateful to have cha hyeon comes into her life.

it feels good to know that hyeon is just as angry as her, if not more. in a way hyeon keeps her sane — instead of having someone to be angry at, now she has someone to be angry with, and she finds it almost therapeutic to know that there’s at least one fucking person in this world that could empathize with her whenever she gets so angry. unlike everyone else, hyeon doesn’t ask why she’s angry, or tell her to calm down, or even make her feel bad for getting upset. with hyeon she feels more like herself, knowing that she could easily let her guards down and be reckless in the older girl’s presence.

and the best thing (or maybe the worst) about their friendship is that they both thrive in chaos and destruction, always down to do some stupid shit together when they need to channel out their rage. it’s the only kind of comfort she seeks for because let’s be real, sujin would rather break things or yell at someone out of anger instead of talking about her problems. maybe that’s why she’s so problematic, but she doesn’t want it any other way. not when she has hyeon who would ruin the fucking world with her.

a shit eating grin slowly appears on her face when she hears the remark, somehow feels smug about the idea she has just presented to hyeon. does she know it sounds crazy? yes. does she care? hell no. perhaps other people would find it surprising, but she’s pretty sure hyeon has seen enough of her destructive side to even be surprised by anything right now. “you out of all people should know that,” she responds, letting out a giggle. her eyes instantly light up with excitement upon hearing hyeon’s words, and sujin shakes her head a few times before saying, “i won’t, i won’t. you can trust on me, hyeon. i’ll still be here when you come back so hurry up!” she giggles more, watches as hyeon makes her way back into the vacation house and waits for her to come back.

she takes a moment to look around, as if to examine every single car she could see right there, until she finally hears hyeon approaching, and she grins happily at the sight of two golf clubs in her hands. unfortunately she’s not prepared to catch the club when hyeon decides to throw it in her way, too busy getting excited to even realize what hyeon was saying, so she lets out a quiet fuck before picking it up, shifting her gaze towards the black car chosen by her friend. “oh, that car? classy,” sujin comments, dragging the golf club against the floor as she walks towards the said car.

“to whoever the fuck this gorgeous car belongs to,” she pauses and looks at hyeon with a wicked smile, the golf club raised to her head level. “thank you for the sacrifice.” and then her smile grows wider when she says, “and we’re not sorry.” with that being said, she swings the club as hard as she could, hitting the car windows just enough to make them crack. fuck, her heart’s beating so fast she could actually hear them out loud, and it takes her a second to process what she just did. “holy shit,” she blurts out, looking at the windows and then at hyeon, bursting into laughter. “that felt so fucking good!”

[yhsujin]

— harmony.

yhserin:

(...)

but as always, self-doubt is an ever familiar companion to all of her thoughts, and as much as she had been certain that sujin and yeeun would get along just fine when she first decided to have the both of them meet, a part of her wonders if anything will go wrong. a strange concoction of excitement and nervousness starts churning within her, she really wants this to work. “i think you’ll really like her.” it’s a statement that’s meant to be reassuring, though right now, serin really isn’t all that sure if she’s trying to convince herself or the other. “she should be reaching really soon!” she adds with a nod, gaze darting around to survey their surroundings for any sign of the last to show up.

when serin has first told her about the plan, sujin has mixed feelings about it. she’s not opposed to meeting new people, but the fact that this is a friend that serin wants her to meet, makes her a tad bit nervous. no, it’s not because she’s afraid of meeting this other girl, but because she’s afraid she’d end up disappointing serin if somehow she couldn’t take a liking to or get along with this friend of hers. serin also doesn’t tell her much, just that this is a friend that she really cherishes and has known since forever, and that she thinks it would be a good idea for sujin to be friends with her too.

well, she’d hate to prove her wrong. she doesn’t want serin to feel like it’s her fault to even try to bring the two together, so maybe the least she could do is pretend to like her friend, and she could only hope she wouldn’t have to. sujin is the first one to show up at their meeting place, having finished practice earlier than usual that day. there’s an uneasy feeling in her stomach, that she’s quick to dismiss that maybe it’s just the hunger, or the thought of potentially being seen by some obnoxious fans that could ruin their girls’ day out here. who knows, some fans can be really wild sometimes.

the familiar voice of serin pulls her back into reality and she turns to give her a bright smile, something that just comes up naturally when serin is around. “hey,” sujin greets back. “i have nothing else to do anyways, and i’m always happy to see you, so of course i gotta come here as soon as i'm done with practice.” at the mention of serin’s friend, it takes her a moment to ponder what to say. yeah, of course i’d like her. no, what if she doesn’t? okay, we’ll see about that. sounds like... she doesn’t trust in serin’s choices of friends. damn it. instead she ignores it and goes, “i just hope she wouldn’t take too long. i’m already starving.” the idol chuckles, lets her curious eyes wander around around aimlessly, unsure of who she’s actually anticipating to show up right now.

what if she knows this girl? what if she knows this girl and they actually hate each other? how is she supposed to tell serin that? god, she really doesn’t want to ruin this. @yeeunyh​

[yhsujin]

heaven in hiding

eunhoyh:

(...)

as drunk as he was feeling right now, from the moment sujin had entered the room, he knew something was up. eunho was a master at acting like things were okay, and by the look on her face and her body language made it clear she wasn’t feeling all too good. but the laugh had also given it away. “you guess?” he questions, eyebrows raised ever so slightly, an indication that he knows she’s not telling the truth. of course, she didn’t have to tell him, he wasn’t entitled to know. “well, in terms of hiding, the basement is empty. i can give you the key and there’s some alcohol down there. not as much as before, taeyang and i had to bring a bunch back up because the alcohol almost ran out.” even while speaking, eunho watches the older female sat opposite him, and he can’t help but wonder what’s put her in this mood where she wants to hide. carefully, he shimmies his jacket off and drapes it beside him on the floor before scooting closer to the toilet. just for precaution. “do you wanna talk about it? i’m a good listener.” he is.

it would be a lie to say sujin hasn’t considered leaving the party at some point. what’s the use of staying here if she’s left all alone by the only person she wants to be here with anyways? sure, there are still other people she could hang out with — she could've gone look for hyeon, knowing that she’s guaranteed to have a good time whenever the older girl is around (the fact that they just ended up smashing someone’s car last night was fucking amazing), but oddly enough she’s trying her best to avoid causing any more destruction at this party, so it’s a good thing she hasn’t found hyeon yet.

maybe she could’ve looked for serin, or any of her june girls, and make them ditch the party with her and go do something else. but instead sujin gives in to her thoughts, and right now there’s only one person that she’s looking for, and it seems like she wouldn’t stop until she finally finds him. not that she’d admit it out loud. it already makes her feel stupid enough, and she’s not quite that drunk yet to sacrifice her pride and go around asking everyone if they’ve seen hideyo anywhere, so no, she’s not gonna make herself look stupid too. she’s not desperate. at least that’s what she’s been telling herself. 

how can she get him out of her head? god, this is driving her mad.

usually the loud music helps. it’s all she needs to drown those unnecessary thoughts and worries, besides alcohol, of course. those two are always the perfect combination for a perfect distraction, plus a good company, which is the only thing she doesn’t have right now. perhaps that’s what makes her come upstairs in the first place: people notice she’s alone and think they could make a difference by approaching her, think she’d be dazzled by their charming smiles and sweet talks. if anything it only makes her annoyed, and she’s kinda already in a sullen mood, so suddenly everything feels a little too much and she hates it here, suddenly feels the need to get up and leave before she could end up losing her shit. ugh, these people really can’t take a fucking hint.

sujin knows she needs to go, but she doesn’t know if she wants to leave the party just yet. coming up to the top floor is by far a good idea. she’s not here to hide or anything (and yes, she’s aware that’s what she told eunho anyways), so upon hearing eunho’s suggestion of a better place to hide in this house, she lets out a playful scoff before saying, “god, eunho. you made it sound like i needed to get fucked up real bad that i needed to hide in the basement.” now that she thinks about it, maybe it’s not entirely a bad idea. who knows, maybe that could help. “maybe you could just tell me you’re kicking me out. i promise i won’t take it personally,” she jokes, letting out a low chuckle.

does it seem that obvious? she wants to ask, but she’s not sure if she’s ready for the answer. in fact she already knows it’s pretty obvious, because well, she’s not even trying that hard to hide how she’s feeling right now. do you wanna talk about it? oh, fuck. no, absolutely not. not because she doesn’t trust eunho, but because she doesn’t want to acknowledge it. wants to forget about it, wants it to go away. talking about it makes it’s real, right? and she doesn’t want to. still she gives eunho a smile as she nods. “i know,” sujin says, referring to his statement, not the question. sighing, she continues, “it’s just that... having feelings is so stupid. like how do you deal with that shit?”