You Look Nice Today "..."

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I... had... a piece of ass. And I dropped it. And now that's your elevator, miss

Merlin, Schadenfunny

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I always let it mellow. Even when it's brown.

Adam

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Read the dot matrix, bitch.

Scott, Jobbo

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Merlin: I'm sorry, my incredibly tiny glasses are fogging up.

Christmas is Near

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Merlin: I sometimes sit and listen to "Tighten Up" on repeat...

Sacks-Minnelli Disease

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Merlin: Ooh, Scott! You love pope hats. Scott: Sure. I like pope hats. I like handles. I like a handle on a pope hat. That's probably something that'd be on my coat of arms. Adam: You just solved a lot of people's problems right there.

Rampant on a Field

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Merlin: You guys keep talking about poop, we can't use that!

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John Hodgman: "If this Prius is rocking, then it is passively recharging its battery.

Selfish Express

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Scott: Do you ever think that… like you're at the lake and you're walking out onto a pier with someone and you realize that they have no idea what you're talking about, you're actually swimming in the lake? Merlin: I think your flu has taken over. Scott: Yeah I just blew your mind, didn't I? Sorry Adam. Adam: I think you the opposite of blew my mind. Merlin: You sucked his mind.

Schadenfunny

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Merlin: You know what, you're too smart for America, John Hodgman John: That's why I'm leaving. Merlin: "So long suckers!"

Faire du Camping

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Scott: Any time I'm masturbating and I look over in the corner, Winston Churchill is looking at me like... Merlin: "That's not how you win a war!"

The Magic Number

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“Adam: [muffled, distressed speech] Scott: Adam’s on fire! Adam’s in a fire. Merlin: Adam, it sounds like you might be inside some kind of a to-go container. Scott: Like a turbine? Adam: Is this better? Scott: No! Adam: [more muffled speech] Scott: Are you talking to us from yesterday?”

The Sake Period

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Scott: Time was, a man could talk to his balls without shame...

Nary a Dude

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Merlin: Almost any self help that you will encounter at some point says like, "most of what you know is mostly right except this one thing which is the opposite of what you think." And the seduction community hook is like "you have got to act like you care about chicks less." It's like go in there and they have names for this and there's acronyms and there's like charts, you know and you go in there and you're supposed to, when you talk to a lady, you're supposed to like talk to her, make her mad, and then ignore her. Scott: Haha, "Remember this handy four letter acronym, SLAP." Merlin: "Step 19: Drop her drink." "Oh sorry, were you gonna have that? Are you still here?"

Who Voted

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Scott: Let's say you buy an innocent enough looking box of macaroni and cheese. You make the macaroni and cheese, you eat it, and then afterwards at some point you receive a phone call saying, "inside that box of macaroni and cheese was a very small seed and that seed inside you is going to grow into a Phil Collins record. It's your job to find that Phil Collins record at the other end. [...] Merlin: ...I think this could be educational for people, you know? And I think people like games and they like puzzles, and uh... Scott: I just like the idea of rooting through my poop for a Phil Collins record. Merlin: God knows he did.

The Good Part

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Merlin: ...there's a lot of nudity going on in America that just really doesn't need to be recorded.

Transitions

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Merlin: I think everybody's gotta give, even the poets.

Selfish Express