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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@ymell-medschool
The Quiet
There’s a kind of quiet in surgery that isn’t about sound. It’s the space that forms between chaos and control — the breath before the cut, the pause after the code, the stillness between exhaustion and resolve. Most days, I avoid it. The Quiet has a way of revealing too much. It amplifies the fatigue I’ve been ignoring, the doubts I’ve pushed aside, the body I’ve been borrowing from tomorrow to…
Another Year of Becoming.
Another year completed. Another year of becoming. For the lives I saved. For the souls I touched. For the ones I failed. For every patient, every case, every lesson, every suture. For every win and every loss. A reminder to myself that I am not behind—I am in process. I am becoming. Another year of carrying the weight of my dreams, and with it, the constant question: Am I doing enough? Am I…
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I Understand It Now.
I’ve spoken about this in almost all of my previous posts—the challenges and the difficulty that have come with training as a surgeon, more so as someone who skipped Medical Officer time, someone who came in absolutely raw: with no real previous experience, no previous knowledge, no real understanding of what an academic circuit is supposed to be like or what specialising even entails. I’ve…
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The Syndrome
Just over a year ago, a lifelong dream of mine came true. I was granted the opportunity to train as a surgeon, something I had wanted since I was maybe 13 or 14 years old. This was a blessing, an answered prayer, arriving sooner than I could have ever expected. Honestly, at the time I got it, I was still under the impression that such an opportunity would only come my way in another two or three…
Beyond the Scalpel: A Year of Growth, Challenges, and Healing
As I recently completed my first year of registrar training in General Surgery, I’ve been reflecting on the journey thus far, with a particular focus on the past year. Despite the tough days, difficult calls, challenging cases, and even experiencing my first mortality, I find myself filled with nothing but gratitude and joy to be in this position. It’s remarkable that, after all this time,…
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Taking the Training Wheels Off: Navigating My First Post-Operative Complication
So, I recently experienced my first post-operative complication. I knew this day would inevitably come, but it has been particularly difficult for me and has left me reflecting more than usual on my journey and growth in the operating room. This moment is supposed to feel like a rite of passage, something everyone in my field probably goes through. But it’s hard not to feel like it’s uniquely my…
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From ICU to the Symposium: A Surgical Registrar’s Journey
I’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately. Maybe it’s an urge to reflect or offload emotions and thoughts I’m subconsciously refusing to process; maybe it’s an attempt at self-motivation. Whatever the reason, here I am: setting pen to paper, or rather, fingers to keyboard. I am a few weeks away from completing my first year of training, and what a year it’s been—a year full of firsts, full…
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Mama, your son is going to be a surgeon
I woke up this morning and for the first time in a very long time all I wanted to do was write. Maybe reflect on some recent events I’ve been struggling to process or maybe just touch base with the creative part of me, I have somewhat neglected in recent times. This is a feeling I haven’t felt in years and one I’ve missed dearly. So here goes… I am a Medical Registrar in General Surgery, this the…
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Instead of studying, I’m taking a well needed but questionably earned break. Anything not to study right? I mean when last did I even think about writing. I’ve really forgotten about the aspiring writer in me, which is actually sad considering how amazing I am at it. I go off topic, though at this point of reading this post, this technically doesn’t have a topic established as yet. There’s no…
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This is really where we are uh? (YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING HOW I GOT HERE UH? - Part 3)
This is really where we are uh? (YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING HOW I GOT HERE UH? – Part 3)
Here I am, sitting at a patient’s bedside hours after I’ve knocked off. Still fighting for her to get the operation she desperately needs. I suppose I’m doing this believing that no one else would fight as hard or care as deeply. Bear in mind that this is after having already spent the day making the impossible happen for her. (more…)
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How did I get here? (You’re probably wondering how I got here uh? - Part 2)
How did I get here? (You’re probably wondering how I got here uh? – Part 2)
Here I am, sitting in the parking lot after a long call, dreading the drive back home, the thought of being caught up in the morning rush & honestly just praying that I can stay awake throughout the trip. Continue reading
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BARADISE: Obstetrics & Gynaecology
BARADISE: Obstetrics & Gynaecology
I’ve been wanting to start a new series of posts for awhile now, titled Baradise. These will be short recollection of various rotations I’ve completed with the greater focus being on the general overview of the rotation rather than personal reflection. As stated in Finally, I started my internship and ultimately my medical career with Obstetrics and Gynaecology. Continue reading
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Finally
As I reach the end of my first year of internship, I can’t help but look back at everything that has happened since. How much my life has changed, how much the world and I suppose how much I’ve changed. 12 months ago today, I was having multiple pseudo panic attacks; I was more anxious and nervous than I was excited. Quietly awaiting for the other shoe to drop, for yet another obstacle to…
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Being Yannick
While writing “Being Dr Leyka” I had this nagging feeling that there was a lack of depth in my reflection, a missed perception in my writing. It was only much later on that it came to me; only much later on that I was reminded of the fact that within all that is happening, within all of this, there’s Yannick. It sounds weird thinking it, let alone saying it out loud but I had spent so much time…
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Being Dr Leyka
Someone once asked me what was it like “Being a Dr Leyka?” At the time I didn’t quite have an answer but after spending some time thinking about it, it came to me. Being Dr Leyka is a lot of things; it’s exciting, it’s fun, its fulfilling but it’s also extremely exhausting, scary, challenging and frustrating. It is the best and the worst thing concurrently. Everyday I wake up and I have to pinch…
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You’re probably wondering how I got here uh?
Yeah, me too. I asked myself this question at 2 AM on a random Wednesday morning, as I stood in the middle of the labour ward nursery surrounded by sick new borns babies, nursing staff & beeping machines. There I was, unimaginably tired and heavy eyed staring blankly at the wall waiting for the next call to the obstetrics theater, labour ward or worse the maternity casualty. I stood there and…
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The Unemployed Doctor
19 months ago my wildest dream came true. A dream 22 years in the making; after years and years of hard work, sacrifice, of occupying spaces and achieving accolades that a person with my background was never meant to achieve. It eventually happened, FINALLY, I became Dr Yannick Leyka.
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