I saw some snippet of a callout post for an autistic trans woman where they list social faux pas she committed, and I think we allistic people should all feel 100x more ashamed of not telling people in the moment how we feel about what they're doing. I think its extremely evil and cruel to not only lie to an autistic person and blame them for it but also to feel justified shaming them for your behavior. And it's currently the social norm to do that
Everytime we as allistic people sit and force a smile or sigh and act subtly grumpy or otherwise lie to an autistic person's face about how we feel about what they did it is in fact Our Fault that we are enduring whatever the autistic person is daring to try and share with us. You can literally say something out loud directly. The literal structure of our social existence will always traumatize autistic people unless you can give a fuck enough to consider it isn't their fault that you didn't communicate with them
Even I couldn't understand this until my wife was in tears because I had internalized the idea that it was her fault that people were uncomfortable in a conversation where no one told her they were uncomfortable and blamed her for it. Allistic people punish autistic people for so many Percieved slights, or even decide together afterward what exactly the slight was and then make their collective judgment behind the autistic persons back. Not only do we get the benefit of communicating nonverbally through obtuse social cues the autistic person can't parce, we then get to say that we weren't going behind their back because we all did those social cues they are too disabled to understand Right in front of them. No, what you did was choose to suppress your feelings and then reap the social benefits of being in on the discomfort.
this is literally why many autistic people genuinely worry that their friends secretly hate them, by the way. because many people in the past did.
