shut up and drive,

@augustreece: if you're going out on the town and need a place to park your car, i'm your girl. i'm free all night. #foreveralone

[dani-thomasx-deactivated2014092]

Should I be worried? 

[yoaugust]

I wouldn't use that exact word. Just don't let me play the music to loud if we're in the car together. Music makes my head fuzzy so it's a much harder to tell if pedestrians are walking close by.

[ycsenia-deactivated20190213]

I’m gonna stay out of your way just in case.

[yoaugust]

Better safe than sorry. I mean, I'd try to convince you I'm entirely harmless — but then I'm be lying, and my list of sins I've committed is long enough.

[yoaugust]

So... before any rumours start floating around, let me make one thing clear: I did not hit a guest with a car. She walked into my door.

[dani-thomasx-deactivated2014092]

When people act like jerks they definitely deserve what they get. And August’s handiwork…that sounds like either a crime film or a horror movie. 

[yoaugust]

Ooh. I like where your head's at. Granted, it makes me sound a tad sinister but, hey, I'm down with that. I should have listened to my gut and flown to Hollywood instead of here.

[rein-smh]

Fine, after my shift I’ll come and get you and we can go hang out by the pool and I will show you what I can do. Sound good?

[yoaugust]

Sounds like a plan. Bring it on.

[dani-thomasx-deactivated2014092]

Haha that’s a smart way to get your revenge. I definitely wish I had access to the cars of people who treat me badly. 

[yoaugust]

Not gonna lie: it's a huge perk. I'm pretty sure the only reason I don't get fired for messing around is because I only do bad things out of justice. No one can blame me for doing damage to a car belonging to a jerk. They have it coming. Whether you call it 'karma' or 'August's handiwork', the result is the same.

[rein-smh]

Prepare yourself, though. I wouldn’t want you dropping dead from shock or whatever. Yes, I’m that good.

[yoaugust]

All I know is that I'm hearing a lot of talk, but very little action. I'll believe it when I see it.

[loganqueen-deactivated20151128]

Are you really a gift, though? I mean, that’s pretty debatable.

[yoaugust]

Sorry, I can't hear you over the cheers of my fans.

[jfcarissa]

I don’t think people understand how fucked it was to give me this job. Carissa, the queen of sarcasm, has to sit here and call people all day, to make it even words I have to be be polite about it, this fucking sucks ass, thank sissy pooh, you’re the best.

[jfcarissa]

[yoaugust]

Oh come on. Don't you realize what a position of power you're in? All the prank calls you could make? You're wasting prime opportunities. Hell, if your overwhelmingly positive outlook didn't land you the job, I'm pretty sure that face must have. Cute as a button, aren't you?

[dani-thomasx-deactivated2014092]

Hell yeah they are. So how was your day? Deal with any crazy bitches? 

[yoaugust]

My day was pretty average. Oh yeah. Everyday there's at least one person that tries to rain on my parade, but when it happens I just grin and bear it. They seem to forget that I have access to their cars and the likelihood of their car getting scratched up or not coincides with how well I'm treated.

[loganqueen-deactivated20151128]

Most people here do, to be perfectly honest with you. All I do is check people in and out of their rooms, and pick up the phone. It’s so boring.

[yoaugust]

Remind me to swing by the front desk bearing gifts so I can make going through such hardship worthwhile. Although... I'll probably show up empty handed because, let's be real, I myself am a gift.

[dani-thomasx-deactivated2014092]

Yeah this place definitely puts me in a good mood. I guess some people just have bad days and act out. And others are just bitches. 

[yoaugust]

You know what they say: bitches be cray.

[loganqueen-deactivated20151128]

Plus, you get to drive really nice, really expensive cars — Even if it’s only for a matter of minutes.

[yoaugust]

Hm... I hate to brag but I think I might have a better job than you.

[neverendingpeekaboo]

Don’t let anyone else know, okay? I get twice as much enjoyment if my victims are blissfully unaware. That is completely unacceptable. In fact, I want to make it my mission to try and get you doing something even remotely fun. What do you like to do? Like…your ideal activities? No skydiving though. I will never jump from an airplane and I care a little too much about your safety to let you do that.

[yoaugust]

My lips are sealed. Your mission should be fairly ready to accomplish since I'm pretty easy to please. I'd be just as satisfied walking along the pier as I would be on a bouncy castle. Aw man, skydiving's off the table? And here I was about to admit to my love of aerial activities. If you want to stay grounded, my ideal activity would be anything that could expand my social life. Like, actually experiencing the nightlife around here. I've heard plenty about it, but I'm either working or too tired to go out and experience the fun everyone has.

[sashahyfr-deactivated20140929]

I just love when mothers decide to skip the daycare and bring their screaming kids.

[yoaugust]

Maybe these mothers are plotting to conveniently lose their screaming kids at sea.

[loganqueen-deactivated20151128]

Oh no, imagine you with a huge ego. It would be the same as if you were put in a higher position — that would only cause more trouble for the rest of us. We have enough shit to deal with; stick to being a valet.

[yoaugust]

Exactly. I can't even defend myself because it's true. As much as I  poke fun at what I do, I know the population will be far more at peace if I stick with where I'm at. Besides, there are perks to working with people's cars. I like getting to snoop around a little.

[neverendingpeekaboo]

Didn’t you hear? I’m a daycare worker by day and a hybristophiliac by night. Crime gets me all hot and bothered. Speaking of leisure time, what exactly do you do after work? Any hobbies? I don’t think I’ve seen you in your down time but maybe twice since you started working here.

[yoaugust]

Fantastic, I've been concerned about a child of Hannibal running around when it's really you I should have on my radar. Well at least one of us has a way to get off. Hobbies? Nah, not really. I don't really lead an interesting life outside of work. If I'm not sleeping, I'll usually be trying to get my pathetic excuse of a laptop to work. That, or laundry. Sometimes I have time to eat, too.