LEO @yoleohh - Tumblr Blog

After two years of heartache and sadness this thing has caused. I finally got over it. But why is you still bothering me?

Leave me alone

Ugh.

I hate how you're not about it. Maybe you are. Maybe it's cuz we've been friends for so long it's just weird. Fuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Assfgjjkflff

Wow. How people change in a matter of a few years… I had forgotten almost everything about you. The only thing I remembered were the happy moments of what we had. Your perks and special qualities. To the point where I'd idealize you and create like the perfect person in my head. I would think about it occasionally; sort of regretting our fall out and how I lost that perfect girl However meeting you again was sort of amusing and comedic. Totally opposite of the girl I once knew; the girl I idealized. Those few minutes of us talking made me realized how we both changed. Maybe we haven't. Maybe just one of us did. Who knows? Almost everything about you was a major turnoff to say the least. Your hair, the way you looked at me, the way you talked over me; basically everything didn't seem appealing to me. I'm banging my head against the wall thinking to myself, "Man, I was attracted to you?!" I'm laughing at myself in relief knowing that I haven't lost anything, but rather I dodged a bullet. Idk what changed but something definitely did. And I have concluded that we are not fit for each other and I'm glad. Don't be mistaken, I am not saying this out of contempt; far from it actually. You probably feel the same way about me, maybe not lol. But honestly, for me, I'm sick and tired of having some idea of a perfect girl get inside my head affecting and controlling every aspect of my life. And I'm happy/relieved that wasn't the girl I spoke to. There are better girls out there; I've met them, talked to them and enjoyed their company. Anyway this is my journey and I don't see myself crossing with yours anytime soon. This will probably be the last time I'll be writing about you.

Is it pretentious for me to say that I'm really proud of myself for contributing happiness in other people's lives? :)

Asdfkfhdlsnslshskdhsjajkl

I had soo many chances aksjskajdjdk uughugh

I feel so

Out of place everywhere i go

Searching for answers even though they are right in front me.

A shame isn't it?

I hate going to You when all hope is lost. I hate how You’re my last resort. Why can’t I seek You in blissful times and not just in bad?

Not where I want to be

But I have to keep pushing.,.. Focus, You got this

I suck lol!!!!!!! Ughugh you're such an idiot Leorick

#I can't make moves

I effing can't anymore

It’s times like these that really push me to just drop everything and give up. I’m so fucking tired of all the bullshit around me and the feelings I feel inside; I just wanna kill myself and hope to start anew in the next life. Am i depressed? I don’t even know… I mean I definitely love my family and friends, and it would be really selfish of me to to commit suicide just so see them cry over me.. Plus I’m too pussy enough to do it LOL. So no I don’t think I am. Maybe I’m just sad? But the thing is I’ve been feeling this way for a very long time. No one can be this sad for this long.. I don’t remember the last time I genuinely woke up with a big grin on my face… Maybe I’m not looking forward to the important things in life… Well how can I? Not doing well in the most important thing in my life right now, Pharmacy school, and it’s only going to get harder. The stress and the work is so unbearable; the amount of coffee and sleepless nights is not helping me out at any point and studying has made me less anti-social than I already am. I mean sure… I’ve met such great people at college… But I don’t see them as “long-term”… well.. at least not yet; I haven’t seem to “click’ with any of them yet. Most have been supportive of my endeavors though and I am grateful for that. Others, although, have been toxic; I don’t know why I haven’t cut them off… I feel like I’m just using them for school work; it’s justifiable because I’m helping them too… right? well.. Idk.. so selfish of me.. this whole post seems selfish. asdffghjkl… Well to the matter at hand. I believe that I’m not surrounding myself with the right people. This is the stage in life where it’s important that you do and I’m failing hard right now. When I graduated high school, I promised myself to be better than I once was but I feel like I’ve lost my way, with myself, my family and especially with God. I admit defeat. Yep…I lost… I’ve become the person I promised myself I wouldn’t be… I’m a hypocrite.

Am I broken?

Hate feeling this way... You are always tugging on me... And I’m not listening to You when I should...

Seems like a bandaids really don’t fix bullet holes.. LOL

(yeah i quoted taylor, square up punk)

Make moves

Bruh just do it lol.... What's the worst that can happen? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

There is no way to succeed in pharm school without cheating... Everyone here cheats wthhh......

Being way too hard on myself 😔🔫

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