Urgent Lizard Election PSA:
As a Wretched Tooth supporter (this post was not funded by the Wretched Tooth campaign, but rather reflects the ideas and concerns of an anonymous panel of voters), I am here to speak truths, and I need everyone to know something very important:
Deborah is not a Lizard, and as far as I can tell using my exactly one semester as a Field Biology student, Deborah is most likely, in fact, a Tiger Salamander (Ambystoma tigrinum).
Some of you are probably saying this doesn’t matter, and you’d be right; just because this country has historically been led by Lizards (and thrice, by Frogs), does not in any way mean an amphibian wouldn’t be right for the people. Change can be good, and amphibians know dramatic change better than any other herp.
But why, I have to ask, is Deborah trying to cover up her species origins?
Apparently, the right skills for the jobs is lying to the people. Sorry Deborah. You can lose the external gills once you metamorphosize from your larval stage, but you can’t lose the facts.
The next question is: Why is Deborah lying to us?
The answer is in the issues: It’s no surprise that this year’s most controversial and heated topic is that of “Cheap Water,” which Mop references (promises) on his own page
I would never accuse a Salamander, Newt, Frog or Turtle of being stingy with the Cheap Water. In the past, our leaders–even the toads in localized government–have been generous with Water and never let us go without the Cheap. And I know my fellow voters, regardless of their political stances, know this too.
But it seems like Deborah isn’t so sure. It seems like Deborah is worried that if she’s honest about her species, people will accuse her of having some sort of greater Water agenda because she spent the first stage of her life in water.
So now, voters, I have to ask one final question:
Will you really support a candidate who doubts her own nation so much that she lies to gain votes?
Will you believe in a candidate who can’t even believe in you?
romaincrisis
amandla
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