guys i’m rlly rlly drunk rn but i had this amazing ideas about.... pre-war father figures!sanegiyuu MY BELOVEDS
like yes they hate each other, yes they kiss, yes they would spit on each other’s graves, yes they have six adopted children together. what is so hard about this to understand.
and the other hashira genuinely do not get it like they are dumbfounded. one time during a hashira meeting, muichiro asks sanemi what they’re all having for dinner that night and sanemi gets all huffy and puffy, rolling his eyes, “it’s fucking tomioka’s turn to cook tonight stfu and leave me alone” so then muichiro is turning to tomioka. who btw is already glaring at sanemi before sighing and replying that they’re going out to a restaurant bc tanjiro already requested to eat out.
and all the hashira are like ??? what ?????? just happened ???
and then another day, a few weeks later, various hashira are training some younger slayers when sanemi and tomioka once again get into an argument. sanemi is screaming something about the silent treatment and tomioka is genuinely fr mocking !! sanemi’s words with his hands!! and oh my god the hashira think they actually might be hallucinating. bc this is nawt the sanemi and giyuu they normally know, this is an old married couple who argues about whether they’re going to have oatmeal or raisin brain for tomorrow’s breakfast. but then zenitsu, who was in the middle of getting thrown around by tengen, starts to whine after a particularly harsh blow to the ribs.
and it’s like a switch flicks and instead of sanemi screaming at giyuu, he’s screaming at tengen (who is utterly horrified) for ‘going so rough on the kid for no damn good reason’. and tengen tries to look to tomioka for help bc ???? but tomioka is too busy consoling a sniffling zenitsu and placing the sweetest most tender kiss on his forehead like he’s some kind of mother goose.
when sanemi is finally done screaming tengen into a migraine, he turns toward zenitsu and gently wipes the tears off his face. scowling and telling the kid to be brave and walk it off, he’ll live to see another day. but just in case, tomioka wants to take him to the butterfly mansion. sanemi tries to disagree but then giyuu is giving him this weird deadpanned version of what the hashira think might be puppy eyes??? obanai looks he might vomit but it somehow seems to work on sanemi enough to get him to agree. so off the three of them go. and the whole time they’re walking off into the sunset, zenitsu is holding onto both giyuu’s and sanemi’s haori like it’s a lifeline as he trails between the two men. (he even turns his head around and sticks his tongue at tengen, who is still too shocked to process the tease).
or or inosuke digging up some of the flowers outside of the master’s mansion (he wanted to make a bouquet for shinobu) but getting caught by genya, whose pissed bc now all of the kamaboko squad were going to get into so much trouble with their dads for this. next thing you know they’re squabbling on the ground, rolling in the dirt, pulling at each others hair. tanjiro tries to stop them but he’s lowk afraid of being pulled into the middle of that fight so instead he calls for sanemi and giyuu. who genuinely do not hesitate to get up and walk out of a meeting debrief to go and see what’s going on. the other hashira follow, of course, because at this point they don’t know whether to be more curious or terrified.
so they go outside and they see genya and insouke still fighting while tanjiro, nezuko, and zenitsu watch on the sidelines. muichiro joins them and begins betting on whose going to get grounded the most for this mess. meanwhile, all it takes is one singular growl under his breath from sanemi for both of the boys to freeze and look up, where giyuu and sanemi stand disappointedly above them. instantly, they’re both scrambling to their knees and lowering their heads like kids caught putting their hands in the cookie jar.
sanegiyuu scold the two in broad daylight while muichiro and zenitsu snicker to each other in the background bc of course they are. one of the hashira say something about sanemi and giyuu acting like divorced lovers being forced to coparent with one another. and inosuke must have heard it because then he snaps his head up all wide eyed and asks “wait, mom and dad are getting a divorce???” to which genya rolls his eyes and tanjiro tries to soothe him, “what, no inosuke, of course not—”
but somehow this evolves into tomioka and shinazugawa arguing with each other about who is the mother and who is the father because apparently that’s the only thing they’re bothered by here? and all the while they heatedly debate about it, they’re gathering up their children into one big hoard and ordering them all to go right home and start washing up so that they’re ready for dinner when giyuu and sanemi get back home. they all comply without complaint and tanjiro takes it upon himself to continue scolding genya and inosuke for getting into trouble.
basically sanemi and giyuu are fathers and they need some marriage counselling but it’s okay bc their children love them to the moon and back UGHHHHHHH
