Apr 5, 2025
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@you-try-to-be
don't ask me for donations, either by the ask box, tags, or following. I won't send you money
Raspberries - Jos van Riswick
Dutch, b. 1971 -
Oil on panel , 12 x 9 cm.
Tea cup dragons.
@greenleavesandblueskies a dragon for you!
someone I follow just reblogged a post saying that you should never trust a muslim and then blocked me (at least I assume they didn't delete their blog, I can't see it anymore)
on your own head be it, I suppose
In a corn field in the Mexican state of Chiapas, Salma Palamo Diaz wears a traditional tzotzil skirt. Muslims in Mexico blend their indigenous ways of life with the customs required by Islam.
PHOTOGRAPH BY GIULIA IACOLUTTI
many such foolish cases of things left unsaid :)
Therapist told me yesterday that as I get older I’ll learn to empathize more with my mom despite her behavior / the lasting impact it’s had on me … how to verbalize that my issue growing up was that I empathized so much with my mom that it permanently damaged my ability to form boundaries because I got so used to always seeing the other person’s side that I never held them accountable and that it’s something I’m unlearning to this day
Is it just me
the "grown up" empathy that your therapist is talking about comes from a place of seeing your mom as a fellow adult and normal human being. its a different kind of empathy then when we take our moms happiness as our responsibility
True but that is possible only if OP/you/I are allowed to distance ourselves first and treat them as true strangers, so with the ability to choose if we want them in our lives or not.
If that first boundary of ours is not respected then everything HAS to fall down, I'm not gonna respect/empathize with my mother if she doesn't see me as my own person and doesn't respect my boundaries. She becomes a stranger that is harassing me, which obv I don't want in my life. Will I wish for that stranger's misery? No, because I don't care about them, but I'm allowed to not care FIRST.
I'm struggling to find a way to respond to this that will make sense
empathy isn't contingent on the actions you choose to take. it's also not contingent on the other person. whether or not your mother sees you as a fellow adult is independent to whether you see the two of you as fellow adults. it's also not about whether or not your mom "deserves" empathy (frankly I think that's a misguided question in any circumstance), its a question of personal wellbeing and growth
also I want to add a caveat saying that I don't know anything about your own personal relationship with your mom. but as far as op's post goes, I stand by what I said
Therapist told me yesterday that as I get older I’ll learn to empathize more with my mom despite her behavior / the lasting impact it’s had on me … how to verbalize that my issue growing up was that I empathized so much with my mom that it permanently damaged my ability to form boundaries because I got so used to always seeing the other person’s side that I never held them accountable and that it’s something I’m unlearning to this day
Is it just me
the "grown up" empathy that your therapist is talking about comes from a place of seeing your mom as a fellow adult and normal human being. its a different kind of empathy then when we take our moms happiness as our responsibility
Katherine Mansfield, in a letter to J.M. Murry, written c. May 1921, from The Collected Letters
here are some more cats 🍓
You have to let people love you. You have to let people get to know you. You have to let people help you. Being so completely selfless that you try to erase yourself off the face of the planet and never ask for anything and reject everybody's offers of support makes you very hard to love! Unfortunately. Emptying yourself out of everything that makes you, you is not actually what your loved ones want from you, generally. They want to make you happy! They will be so so sad if you don't give them the chance. It's not all selfish. I promise.
HOW’S THAT HOUSE THAT RAISED YOU? - Lev St. Valentine
Luigi Loir (French, 1845-1916), La Place de la République, Paris c.1880s. Oil on board, 35.6 x 27.3 cm.
i get so miserable off that scenario i made up in my head
so as someone who's done this often, that imagined scenario may very well be stemming from an actual emotion you're feeling but kind of being avoidant about, so its trying to come out somehow
the answer to most awkward social situations is to be courteous and enjoy yourself. who cares
you think there's hidden knowledge that will allow you to perfectly predict which actions will prompt others to give you what you want. well there isn't and you don't even know what you want. don't take things so seriously
