You Are Valid Blog 🍂

In here, you are valid. 🌻

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Welcome to the "You Are Valid Blog"

Hi everyone! 🍂

Thank you for visiting our vlog! We ought to share some inspirational story to help you guys learn, be inspired, and motivated in life.

In here, you are valid. 🌄

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Chapter 8: “LIFE GOES ON, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I WILL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR SIDE”

I know that we have heard this line numerous times, but I did not know that this line will save me from this all of this chaos and mess that I have been through especially during this pandemic. Wherein in just a glimpse everything that we have grown into changes, from wearing of face mask, face shield and even the way we interact to our friend physically are prohibited because there are safety protocols that we need to comply with. Everything changes all of us were affected might it be in terms of finances, and even our emotional stability problems got piled up and it so much that I think I couldn’t handle. The feeling of being alone, it was like being into s place that you have not been before, it’s like going into a war with nothing on your hands and you just have yourself and no one else to rely on this are what I feel because of this pandemic. It’s hard, it’s frightening and I am scared of what will happen when tomorrow comes.

To be honest, this pandemic causes me my emotional instability and no one knew except to my sister who was with me all the way. No one knows because I kept it to myself as I do not want people around me to worry since I know that they also have the baggage to carry and I did not want to weight on them. I was always the listener and their comfort and it is hard that for a while during those times the word that comfort them is like a knife stabbing my heart, it comes to a point where I’ve said to myself, questioned myself, what went wrong, what do I have to do to be back from who am I, every night I cried and pray, still I was helpless and I have no one to talk to. Not until my sister notices how I speak, the sadness in my eyes and even though I smile and laugh it’s like just it is with no emotion at all like it should be. To make it short we talked, she talked to me not as my sister but as a friend, that night was my freedom night it’s my first step out of darkness I was grateful that she tried so hard to make me open up, to be me and speak of what I feel and it is hard I cry so much like I kid, I cried so much because it tears me up, my heart was shattered into pieces, I cry and cry until it tired me up. But, when I saw how my sister cried for me, I somehow felt relieved, it hits me that “ow, I was not alone, I have someone” and she said to me this exact same line. “Life goes on, you are not alone, ate will always be on your side” and this words comforts we it’s like a word that I am waiting to hear for, words that is much sweeter than I love you’s and I felt that.

At this moment, I am still struggling but not as before. Little by little and I am not rushing the process time heals and just as the bible says, “Matthew 28:20- I will always be with you until the end of time” God is there have faith and even if the situation does not favor us, just always remember that God won’t put up into a situation that we cannot cope up, he will be sending someone to save us from drowning into our pool of emotions but first step is to be brave, be fearless and know that in every battle we will go through, we have God, put God into the center and continue life. To everyone out there, it’s hard right? It’s tiring and there will be a point where you wanted to end all but, remember this. “If you have God in engraved in your heart, then there is no battle that you can’t win” and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my sister, I am blessed to have you, thank you for everything. I love you so much I have nothing but gratefulness and to all the people out there same as my situation remember God. Pray and pray with the utmost sincerity in your hearts because God knows the sincerity of our hearts and answered those prayers at the right time, again. “Matthew 28:20- I will always be with you until the end of time”

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Chapter 7: Kintsugi

“Kintsugi, is a Japanese are of taking something broken, like pottery, and then through a mixture of precious metals – such as gold, silver, or platinum – the pieces are put back together. They repair to such a point that its brokenness becomes part of the beautiful history.”

My story is something that may be a normal one, a common one, or others may think that other people suffer harder than mine. But then again, we all have our own problems and feelings, and how we take it. I take mine as my biggest problem that changed my whole life, which change the person I am today. Back then I thought my feelings are not valid, that I am not allowed to be angry, to feel pain, and that it’s not okay not to be okay. Back then I thought I am not enough, I am not important, and that I’m not valid.

I am Mark, I’m a Christian who believes that there’s a creator in this universe, I have faith but still can’t deny that I’m still a sinner, who sins and do such things as a normal person would do. I’ve known myself as an outgoing person, a happy go lucky person but that changes in the year of 2012, where K-to-12 program has been approved. Before, in my 4th year high school, I am known as friendly, talkative person. I am not smart but still get honors. I have a lot of friends, I befriended all of my classmates, I am known as a joker in the class. In my school, I’ve been studying there since 1st year high school and decided to move on a different school in may grade 11 year. Since then, everything becomes different. The Mark I’ve known in 2011 became a different person in 2012 in an instant. But, what happened? Why did I change? What changes me? In my grade 11, I decided to move on a different school, I studied in AMA Binan Camus, which located in binan whilst I lived in San Pedro, I’ve got an almost 2 hours ride on going to AMA from our house, which exposes me to pollution that lead me to have a acnes and pimples, and that causes me to lose my confidence, because I started to feel that people around me looks at me like a different person, that in my head I kept thinking that I am ugly because of the pimples in my face. That is the first phase, my insecurity got down drastically that I lost my confidence, I become an introvert person from being an extrovert. For me the next phase is one of my unforgettable moments in my life because that phase or that part of my life change my entire existence in this world.

So I am with my circle of friends and little did I know, they will be the ones that will make my 2012 year worse. Months of being friends with them, I realize that they don’t like, more like they despise me because I’m annoying, or so they say. With that in just a snap, I lost my circle of friends and me who love being surrounded by people, become alone in the classroom with no friends to talk to. That time, I become depress. I shut people out, I shut my self-out to the world and to my friends whom I know before then. I thought I was alone with no one will hear me out, I thought my feelings or what I am feeling are invalid. I blamed myself and start self-pitying. To the point where I wanted to end my life, but still with that one little hope, faith, and prayer. There’s a light that shines in my darkest moment. One of my friend, now my best friend helped me see the light, the hope that saved me from my darkest moment. Because at that time even my parents shut me off and they are the ones that trigger that darkness in my mind and heart. But God uses my friend to help me realize that I am not alone in this world, that there is a God who validates what I’m feeling, a God who never abandons his child. Today, 9 years from now I am saved and still alive.

I just want to say that, even though the darkest moment of your life, there is a God who answers prayers and a God who will never abandon. He is a God that listens and that is the first time I feel validated, feel important. It’s been 9 years and everyone can still see the broken part of myself. I still sin, I still feel invalidated, I do still feel, unimportant but because of that past, because of that brokenness, I can still see myself growing and to be more kind to people. Just like a broken jar, mended with golden metals to be fix. Just like a Kintsugi, we have our Golden Repair moment and sometimes those brokenness can be mended and be fixed in to something beautiful. Now, I am proud for what I’ve become and what I’ve been through, that I can inspire others that it’s okay to be alone sometimes, because in those moments you can find what you really want to see. For me, I see a God who helps, loves, and seeks a broken people.

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Chapter 6: You Can

The scenery was the most pleasant in the morning, sounds of the birds singing, and warmth heat from the sun embrace another morning. My foot seems like has their own mind and they automatically walk to that place. It is still the same old memories. Time passed by but seems like a seconds ago. Still want to stay, I pick up all the dried leaves scattered along the whole place and felt completely alone. Only few people were here as it is not yet time to come. The wind blew that send shivers down my skin as if it whispers: it’s okay, we are fine. At that exact moment I cried a river, my hands are shaking so violently as if everything happened only yesterday but when I finally managed it, it felt surreal, I felt the love, the longing for a care of somebody who would tell me it’s okay. It’s very comforting even if it is only in my mind.

I took my time, lay down and fall into a deep sleep. Desperately wanted to be in the past I dreamt of them, pictures scuttled in my mind but could only be for the meantime. When reality hits, I pulled myself up and got a last glance at my parent graveyard, yes I lost them for life.

They took them away from me unprepared, too soon that I was not able to understand and accept it. Years had passed still a coward for not facing the reality. I run away from it. Still beating myself up and blamed uncertainties for their death, for not having decent edibles on the table and for not being a good daughter that they could.

Decided to run away from my dark hole, I went to another side of the country and chose to continue my study. My life goes in a rugged way, sleepless nights, numerous side jobs to sustain my studies. Until I earned my degree and put up own business. Definitely everything won’t go according to your likings, there was a time that I almost lost it. But still I hold unto my inspiration in heaven. I prayed and prayed until I feel it is okay. My business is doing well and I have met a man. He was an American and way back then he was still wearing his military uniform looking good and manly approached me and everything goes smooth and lovely. We were given a beautiful daughter that looks exactly like his father. By this time, I totally understand why my parents are very strict towards me. I really do. I am now starting to leave a peaceful life and accepting things that we can’t really handle and that only him knows. I am living my most life by helping persons who are in need, guiding my daughter and loving my husband. And yes it seems like life goes so fast when you are enjoying it but a vice versa when you feel like carrying all the burdens and problems around. And in just a snap of time, history repeat itself and this time my brokenness doubled. My husband and daughter died in an accident, they are dead on arrival on the hospital. My world totally stopped. I could not hear anything; my vision became blurry, I can’t accept the fact that for the second time around my loved ones left me without a word. I was even worse than a dead man living.

This time I did not cry. I became numb. Instead what I did is laid in bed remembering what I did wrong to deserve this miserable life of mine. Took a lot of thinking, once again, after decades of ignoring and fooling everything, I decided to come back to my home, to where my parents only showed me love and protection. I breath and calm myself reminding to not to cry. I looked upon our home, now all new designed upon my likings since I decided to renovate it years ago. I cleared my mind from everything that is stopping me to move forward. I am starting to forgive myself this time. I started to move on. I seek for a psychiatric help for me to better understand things that I can’t understand anymore. But I realized that what would really help me is no other than myself. Yes, still ourselves. I allowed myself to be angry but I don’t let it last. Because before, I let other people and my distressed mind behold the truth. I felt ashamed of what I become so I stayed under the dark shadow and got afraid of what other people will say not minding that there would also be someone who will look upon us. Plan what is ahead of you, plan your future with the power of your belief, words and positivity it can change your outlook and your life.

By that, I have learned to be human again, to feel the loving grace of life, the emptiness within me was filled once again by burning passion and desire. It is a second chance indeed, I can rekindle with my old friends and only god could take over my life, ever again. Same goes for you, do not let them interfere in your mind, do not get lost.

If I can do it, you can also do it. Because in life nothing is impossible, think, aim and believe. You can make it.

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Chapter 5: YOU ARE NOT ALONE

In times of pandemic most of us suffer, financially, our physical health and most importantly our mental health. Everyone is in chaos and scared to what will happen next. Before we use to see our loved one's whenever we want but with all the things that happening we cannot do it anymore which somehow makes us feel lonely like we are alone in this fight. Personally I didn't expect that one day I will experience the emotional instability where i feel so lonely, where I feel really sad and everything that I will be doing seems like its not enough, the feeling of sadness and pain from all of the things that you went through yet no one knows about it, that I should just let it to myself cry every night and pray to God to end this pain because you are no longer used to live like you are before and it is suffocating me. But there's God, answers my prayers by my sister though I did not expect it. On just a casual day like we used to talk since she was abroad and we always do video chat, she ask me. How am I, how I felt and there's a lot more. At first I do not want to tell how I feel because I don't want to be her burden, but that day she talked to me not as my sister but as a friend and there goes, every pain and sadness that I felt burst out I cried really hard until I cry no more, Its hard to open up but once that you said it, it feels light that finally some one is there for you and that you are not alone. From this I slowly move on, i started to do things, I learned something like the DIY's, cooking pasta and other things. So, to everyone reading this I want to tell you that it is fine to feel what you feel, but always remember that In every battle you had you have God that will never leave you especially in hard times, pray pray and pray because God will sent someone to help us but of course we should help our self first and be the better and even the best version of yourself.

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Chapter 4: “IN EVERY HARDSHIP IN LIFE ALWAYS THINK WHO YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR”

Five million of Filipinos lost their jobs because of pandemic and my Father is one of them. No one would have thought that this thing will happen to us because of Corona virus. Except on losing jobs, many students dropped out school due to pandemic because many cannot afford the demands of internet or whatsoever. Who would have thought that this pandemic would last and would cause serious problem to many to the point that many of us wants to give up and lose hopes like the others, I thought that we can make it not until my Father lost his job and all of our saving were running out that is why I was thinking to dropped out and thank God they didn’t allowing me, my Family decided to gamble the last money that we have. We started small business through online selling within our neighborhood. We made right decision, so we were able to recover somehow and pay for our pending bills. But even so, I was still looking for a job to help my parents even more. It really hurts me to see my parents struggling and hurting because they do not know where else to get money to provide our family needs. Every day that comes I talk to God and I always prayed to strengthen and encourage my parents even more. I know how painful it is for my parents to see their children struggling but nothing hurts more to see yours parents losing their hopes.

It has been a year since the pandemic started. Except of our Family experiences, I cannot deny that I also had a severe depression even though it was not obvious because of my strong and independent personality. I know I am not the only one experiencing this, but I am encouraging you. God is always there for you and do not give up because I know just like me and the other who fighting on their own. I know that you can also do it. Lesson that I learned is helping my Family is like helping myself. I wound not be able to get up from the fall if it were not for them. They inspired me to become so much stronger. If my parents work hard, so do I. There is a lot of people fighting for their live this pandemic, we need to survive to this. If you feel there is no hope to survive pray and trust God. Always remember that God did not give a challenge just to give up, if you think no one’s listening to your problems always talk to God. Don’t be afraid to start your life again, if you think starting from the bottom and reset everything that is okay and Also, to those students who think they are not brainy and confident like others in online class and having a hard time to study those lecture, be yourself don’t stress yourself too much don’t think that you cannot handle online class and Also, to those students before that did not give the opportunity to study this year or next year you are not late to conquer your dreams, because every day, every steps you make is achieving your goals in life.

As the bible says “Philippians 4:13 I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens me” because is always there to strengthen you we can face all the problems like God did for us. If you are getting tired to your situation, achieving your goals, what you want to do, do not give up because God will always give you a strength to push your passion and goals. So, can you do all things through Christ who strengthen you? Do whatever makes you strong and confident. “Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, or the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” If you are not strong enough to handle all your problems don’t be afraid because God always be on your side as long as you are not doing anything bad to other people. In God’s perfect time all your hardship will paid for and worth it.

“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens me”

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Chapter 3: Sufferings of a Person Deprived of Liberty (PDL)

"I want to go home and be with my family" my father says with teary eyes when I get a chance to talk with him last Friday. My father is in prison for almost 30 years. I didn't have a chance to be with him when I received awards and recognitions from school. He cannot attend in my graduation. He wants to but it's not allowed because he's inside the prison. He is not there when I need him even if he wants to. He wants to go home. He wants to be with us. I know that when I miss him he also miss us and it's breaking his heart a lot. Being a child of a prisoner, it is very hard and hurtful to accept. For my mother, for my family, especially for me.

As I grew up, I've experienced a lot of bullying from my fellow students. There are many problems inside prison. These are lack of safe water, poor sanitation, health care system, living conditions and overcrowding.

I am really worried about my father's condition inside the prison. He catch cough and colds because they sleep in the floor with only Karton Paper that serves as their bed.

Many of prisoners experience depression, anxiety, and losing of hope. And this more likely occurs when the prisoner doesn't have family support or visitors. Many of them escaping from the loneliness by taking away their own lives or suicide. It's hard for them to continue their life because they thought that no one is there for them and they lose courage to live and hope.

It is very heart warming and sad conditions inside prison. Besides the problem and hurtful feeling of being away from your family and loved ones, there are many times that you will get in trouble there because of the people you will meet inside there.

Prisoners coping mechanism in what they experience everyday are doing things that they love to do. They express their self in doing drawing, painting, making Kalandrakas (prisoner’s products) that they sold to the visitors, etc.

Prison is a place where hope can be seen. In the face of every prisoners who wants to go home and be with their families.

We in the free society, we should not bully or judge the person deprived of liberty because we don't know what they gone and going through in their everyday lives. In fact, we need to be their moral and spiritual support and let us pray for them to be change and improve their behaviors and be a better person.

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Chapter 2: Have you ever had a plan that has been cancelled?

I mean, yes all of us. Since last year, all of our plans has been cancelled. It's because of the pandemic that made our plans broken. It is frustrating, making your own plans with friends, family. Getting ready for something we are excited for but in just a snap it never come true. It's been a year since covid started and up to now some of our plans never got to happen but let me tell you guys something.

For all the years and all the plans I and my friends made most of it never happened and yes it is very frustrating, but one thing I learned from this is this quote, "Our plans are not God's plan." What does it mean? Simple, our plan maybe is something God sees that will either break us or may lead us into something not good.

That's why we receive a No from God is because He has a better plan for us. Somehow it's okay to receive the “no” from God than on something, our own plan that may lead us, our lives, in to danger. So before I end this article/letter, I will leave you guys a verse from the bible that keep reminding of the plan I have and the plans God have for me.

In James 4:13-15 it talks about the plans we have and the plans the Lord have. 13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— 14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

This verse always reminds that God's plan, God's will. It may be frustrating that if you plan to meet with your friends but got cancelled due to quarantine, it's okay because God has a better plan for has, and I know God is keeping us away in the danger of our own plan that is why we receive the word "No." from God.

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Chapter 1: How much is too much?

Hey you! Yes, you! How are you? Have you asked yourself, “how am I!?” do you still feel your heart beating so fast by doing things that you love? How long has it been since you laugh with a teary-eyed and hitting things behind you? Do you still treat yourself with those little achievements of yours that you usually do? And does hearing these words hurt you? If no, then I am very happy for you. And if yes, I am still proud of you. Because you’ve made it so far. And let me tell you a story.

One day I was really lost, unwillingly to live and locking myself up inside my room. Then my mother came and said “what’s the problem? Don’t take it seriously and take a break in the meantime, it is fine” then as soon as my mother walked out of the door, I cried and cried so much and I let myself free of all the negativities and burdens that is pulling me into darkness. I let myself breathe again after all the pain that I have been through and I prayed. I talked to him and feel his undying love that even I messed up he still sees what is good within me. He sees my silent battle, the silent tears that kept me awake until sunrise and blessed me by giving me a second chance for me to see the goodness in every trials.

So what are you waiting for? Be free, allow his will to happen. Do not be too harsh on yourself, stop if you are hurting, do not smile to their mocking jokes if you do not want to, let go if you are not happy anymore, learn to outcast if you feel wronged. Do not find the things that are not existing within you, do not try to be like anyone that you are totally not because that is not you, stop being sorry for not being the best, we are all human we do mistakes and that is okay, you’ll get disappointed and that is fine because that is what makes us a person, of who we are today. Surely, you can deal with it, the heart that you have has built a good relationship. Love yourself and be ready for the next battle, stop blaming yourself for not being good enough because if you let them you will lose your power to determine your tomorrow.