These are photos of my cat. Her name is houdini. I call her houdini linguini. I did not name her. If i had, she would have been named either Einstein for her uneven whiskers (which I bully her for relentlessly) or menace. This cat is decended from Garfield or the lineage the character was inspired by. Everytime I eat anything I am fending off attacks. Hand to God this cat has quite literally hunted and stalked me like prey to access my food. I feed this cat three times a day. She is just a gluttonous void concealed in the unassuming form of a small feline. This bitch has ate some truly baffling things that before her I would not have assumed a cat would have deigned to even lick. Nothing is safe from this living vacuum. She has gotten her greedy claws on anything from lasagna, Lettuce, my spiderman Popsicle, to my god damn twinkie. Honestly after the twinkie I'm slightly more confident that she's not going to die from her gluttonous ways. That twinkie has so much preservatives that at this point I'm open to the possibility that my cat may now outlive me, and quite possibly my grandchildren, if she doesn't accidentally kill herself from trying to eat onions again or keeps throwing herself face first again my windows, that is. Tonight, if I could rechristian her name it would be dusty. She hid in our fire place earlier (a fake one, it's partially pulled out of the wall) where there is an ungodly amount of dust. I did not notice anything amiss when I first saw her after coming home. I slowly realized something wasn't quite rightwith her. For one, her fur was so dull now. Also she was more a very dark grey than the black of the void she spawned from. It was only when I reached out to pet her and my hand came away coated in dust that I realized what must have happened. She is currently in my desk chair glaring at me. I have been cackling intermittently for the past four hours and calling her dusty, or crusty dusty. In the interested if fairness I gave her a time limit to get herself mostly cleaned up tonight or tomorrow she was getting a bath (and possibly an exorcism for whatever Demon lives in her stomach). I do not think the gravity of what a bath is has reached her yet. Regardless, Tomorrow I march to do battle with this Horror. Pray for me comrades.
