the goonmandoo away from home

[leseanthomas-deactivated2021030]

Hayao Miyazaki tribute by 3D animator, Dono. Memory Lane.^^

[typette-deactivated20150825]

[yougokokomo]

also, have you watched this?

[amandapalmer]

[geeksofdoom]

SO goth

[amandapalmer]

STOP IT

[neil-gaiman]

So proud of my gothy wife.

[amandapalmer]

AGGGGHHGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOT GOTH !!!!! NOT GOTH !!!!

for fucks sake

[amandapalmer]

ALSO WHO ARE YOU CALLING GOTH, DUDE WHO WROTE SANDMAN AND LITERALLY WEARS ONLY BLACK AND GETS EXCITED ABOUT VISITING OBSCURE GRAVEYARDS

back off Gaiman

[neil-gaiman]

Graveyards are cool.

[yougokokomo]

theyre so wonderful.

[yougokokomo]

ugh, life.

what kind of translating job doesn’t ask for a translation sample?

a recruiter from netflix DMed me via linkedin a few days ago about a translation/localization position. they denied me after i sent them my resume, most likely because i haven’t had any translation instruction or careers to support my case or skills. 

i sent a lengthy email to the recruiter saying that i know i have what it takes to be the language specialist they’re looking for, but they haven’t given me an opportunity to prove myself. they haven’t replied yet, but now that i think about it, i think it’s absurd that they are so easily denying applications without even verifying candidates’ abilities, especially for something like language mastery.

i’m so sad and annoyed, youna. and i miss you. i’m sending a package tomorrow. you’re going to really like it :)

[yougokokomo]

haha it's so unfortunate - a lot of his fans are probably also anime fans. 

Otakus can be scary though, I agree.

[old-japanese-men]

[poorlittlewitchgrrl-blog]

HAHAHA

[yougokokomo]

this man.

[yougokokomo]

oh my god I never should have tried to watch the fault in our stars

[ricktimus]

[sailorsandshipwrecks]

This is too intense

[hoanbee]

[aintasuperhero-deactivated20151]

[yougokokomo]

This man is adorable.

[yougokokomo]

that is a very interesting habit(?) you default to. i remember you mentioned it at the bakery, but i really don't know what to make of it.  i wonder what the psychology behind that would be.

i have a habit of writing letters/cards, labeling and putting stamps on them. but i almost never mail them out. i'm not sure why.

on another note, i've been watching a korean drama lately, and i've been oddly emotional even though it's a romantic comedy. (연애의 발견)

when matt and i had broken up over the summer, even though matt was breaking up with me because he thought we had reached an irreconcilable end, he still loved me. we were on the phone for four hours, afraid to say the simple word "goodbye" that we had said thousands of times before, because we knew that this time, it would be the last.

we asked each other of final requests, favors, promises each would swear to keep. matt said something along the lines of, "promise me you'll find someone who'll love you as much as i do. no, more than me. can you promise me that?"

i asked him to keep the following promise: "promise me you'll never buy your own birthday cake." he cried for a long time after that. he didn't say anything, but when he could finally speak, he said through choked tears, "i promise." before matt and i started dating, he was the outlier, the loner of our friend group. he was the youngest, by default the newest, and the most reserved. i've told this to matt a few times during our relationship, but when i first met matt, i felt like i had known him all my life. we hadn't said a word to each other, but he was different. i didn't know what, and i'm still not sure what, but he was different.

because he didn't really have friends yet, no one really celebrated his birthday that year. his birthday was just a day or two after move-in day and it wasn't nearly enough time to get to know him. we all kind of found out it was his birthday because we all happened to be facebook friends. on the morning of his birthday, matt spent over $50 to buy a large ice cream cake to share with us, a group of 15 or so, for his own birthday.

for whatever reason, something in my heart broke that day. something about what he did felt so wrong, as though it was something he shouldn't have ever been in the position to do. a week after his birthday we started dating, and i told matt how i had felt that day, and i got really sad. i promised him then that as long as i was by his side, he would never have to buy his own birthday cake. because i would. 

we were apart for his birthday and our anniversary this year. when we got back together, one of the first things he quietly said was, "mitch bought me a cake." i didn't say much in reply. i knew that was matt's way of reassuring me that he had kept his promise. i often wonder if getting back together was the right decision. i wonder if there is an inevitable end. during the first few months of our relationship, i was emotionally vulnerable and terrified of being hurt. and for the first time in my life, i was terrified of hurting someone. absolutely terrified. i couldn't sleep because of the thought of breaking up even though we had only just started dating.

i used to pray about it. pray that if matt and i were to ever break up, that matt would break up with me.

i would say, "i can't hurt him. but if he breaks up with me, i'll be okay. not because i don't love him. but i'll be okay. i've always been okay. i've always had to be okay. this will be no exception. please, if there is an end, i'd rather be hurt a million times over than hurt him."

when i had thought we had reached our end this summer, in the profound sadness that blanketed my life, there was a sliver of peace that resonated in my heart because i felt my prayer had been answered.

i'm not sure what i'm saying.  i'm in a weird mood tonight.

i wish we could talk in person more often.

[yougokokomo]

OMGGGGG I need to stop compulsively asking people to have lunch with me for no reason D:

[yougokokomo]

That is very very sweet of your boyfriend. Sometimes the small things matter the most in a relationship. Especially since guys are known for being sooo fantastic about making and remembering the small gestures haha ;) 

It's funny that you mention all your various psychological ailments. I feel like I've always been very sensitive about "me" since I was little - who I am and how others perceive my identity. I've yet to have one of those existential, I-don't-know-myself-or-my-purpose-I-need-to-go-and-find-myself crises but the whole process of "fine-tuning" my character is always one that I am consciously aware of every second of the day, which has both positive and negative effects.

It's just that lately since I've been so stressed, there have been more of those "No, no, no, this is not the kind or type of person I want to be" moments. Sometimes I feel like there's pressure accumulated in my body to the point my head might pop. I always believed, or wanted to believe, that I could control just about anything about myself with sheer willpower alone. 

"I hate that I seem to have this tendency to get pissed over things like this or that" 

"Fine. From now on, then, we won't" 

"I hate that I get that heart-racing feeling and feel so anxious in situations like that" 

"Fine. From now on, then, we won't"

And so on. I feel like to some degree this has been successful - there are a lot of things that I feel like I've improved about myself this way. Or at least, that's what I used to think. Lately, I wonder if I'm just putting a lot of pressure on myself to try and change things that are just written into my genetic code. If I'm a slightly-anxious and easily-stressed out person by nature, is forcing myself to only appear more laid-back and easygoing going to reprogram any of the mumbo-jumbo going on in the inside? 

I wonder if for all those years I was trying to become the best version of myself, or trying to achieve an ideal. I'm by no means unhappy with the person I am today, but it really makes me think

[yougokokomo]

also, years of psychology and the internet have convinced me that i am a big bundle of psychological disorders. i won't go into details now (if ever since its a big baggage of shit you shouldn't have to deal with), but tonight i have finally put a name to yet another psychological disorder that has ailed me since my youth.

[yougokokomo]

i know i said that i had a shitty day yesterday, but i had actually spent most of the day with matt and the day was fine. it just got incrementally worse as little things started to culminate. but whatever. that's not what i'm writing about.

matt visited me yesterday, and he really wanted to go trick-or-treating together. we didn't have costumes and it was cold, so i said no. he was really disappointed, but he was a sweetheart and said it was okay.

later in the evening he drove back to queens and we talked on the phone for a little bit when he called me to let me know he got back alright. (remind me to tell you about the time i thought matt died for about 36 hours)

we didn't talk for too long because we had just spent the entire day together, and we were tired. as we were getting off the phone, matt said something that really really caught me off guard, and i thought i'd share it with you.

"dear, make sure you spend some time for yourself before you go to bed tonight, okay?"

a lot of the shittyness from yesterday was because of my family, and matt knew of it. i was tired and frustrated, but he was patient with me and looking out for me. that particular statement caught me so so off guard, and i'm not sure why,

but i thought it was one of the most thoughtful and respectful things he could say to me. somehow he knew that sometimes i get lost in the external problems in my life. somehow he knew i needed someone to tell me that i can be myself for myself, and that's perfectly fine. 

i've had friends (almost exclusively female) say the same statement during times of stress, but very rarely do guys say that to their female friends. it just blows my mind that matthew treats me to a degree of respect that i feel most of society cannot even fathom. 

i know this post was random, but i thought you'd appreciate it and would have interesting input to give. 

[yougokokomo]

... put me in the same boat because that just blew my mind 

[pasturecore]

my friend forced me to his party so i started melting together candy corn into a candy corncob an hour and a half ago

[yougokokomo]

you know, i had no idea why these little sugary wedges were called candy corns until i saw this picture? sadness.

[yougokokomo]

You are so adorable.  I wouldn't worry too much about it, nor would I invest any emotions; however, crushes can be so so much fun! It's the most exciting part of any potential relationship, so flirt shamelessly and be happy! He sounds like a really cool guy, and you two obviously have a ton in common. 

Is there any chance of his coming to the States?

Also, I don't mean to instill any false hope, but when a guy remembers the little things, he's a keeper! :)

----- Now here's an update about my past 24 hours. From 5PM yesterday to almost 11am today, I could not get in touch with Matt. I called his phone (no exaggeration) almost 30 times, his house about ten, his mom's about 5, his best friend, his mom's work, residence hall security, all in an attempt to find out his whereabouts. 

Normally, I wouldn't have freaked out to this degree. But yesterday was the day he was supposed to drive home for the weekend to spend some time with his friends and family during his town's annual apple harvest festival (which, btw, is freaking awesome). 

I think that's what did it. I knew he was driving long distance, and he had fallen off the radar. I swear to God, I thought he died. This is a boy who I have spoken to without fail EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past three years, and he completely fell off the face of the earth CONVENIENTLY on the day he was supposed to drive home.

You and I both know that I am a worrier. I swear, I was getting ready to attend his funeral and read a eulogy. I was legitimately losing my mind. After hours and hours of combing through the latest news articles on car accidents spanning across New York and Connecticut, I came to the conclusion that Matt must of died in his sleep or something.

I was in such a manic state. It was awful. It was so so terrifying.

But of course. The reason Matt failed to answer his phone calls is that as soon as he had arrived home, he passed out with his phone on silent. He conked out around 6p. He called me around 10:30a this morning, and I was so angry and relieved at the same time. 

I mean, really, it's not that hard to send a quick text along the lines of, "I just got home. About to take a nap." Like really? And the thing is, I don't even care if my actions come off as crazy or overprotective or what have you. I am NOT going to sit back and assume that he is alive and well when I know oh too well that life does not always work that way. On the off chance that he thinks I overreacted, I've no shame. 

On a happier, less serious note, I've developed a newfound love for candy corn, which I've hated most of my life. i always thought they tasted like little chunks of wax. 

Happy fall!