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$LAYYYTER
if i look back, i am lost
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@youngasshit
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH
“We can work things out, we can start again. I don’t want another chance with anyone else but you.”
s.s (stephenstilwell)
Advice for people in their 20s from someone who’s just entered their 30s....
1. Don’t waste time being fearful: go for that job that you’re certain you’re not gonna get. What’s the worse that can happen? You are rejected, but you gain interview experience. Self-doubt is really a waste of time.
2. Live in the present. Yes, it is important to plan for the future, but it is easy to put off living until it is too late. Make sure that you have no regrets about what you should have done. Do one exciting thing per year.
3. Know your worth. This applies to both work and relationships; never sell yourself short. No job or romance is more important than your self respect. Also, charge for any unique skills/services that you can offer.
4. Don’t be afraid to leave bad situations. I left a stable but draining teaching job in order to protect my mental health. Even though this was a big risk, it was the best decision I ever made. NOTHING is more important than your mental health.
5. Most 20 somethings feel that they are underachieving. This is normal - especially in today’s financial climate. Don’t feel bad if you are still living at home and cannot afford to rent/buy. I’m 30 and still living at home, saving to buy.
6. People will disappoint you, but most of the time, it’s not about you. Everybody has their own demons and traumas that make them behave in certain ways. If somebody disrespects you, assert your boundaries and keep it moving. Also, examine if there was anything you could have done to avoid the situation. But DO NOT let it eat away at you.
7. In love, nobody owes you anything. Even if they made a promise, they are their own person…Everybody has the right to change their mind and to leave a situation which is not beneficial for them. This is hurtful and hard to accept, but it is the truth.
8. Learn to enjoy your own company. Your 20s can be a lonely time as your social sphere narrows, due to employment, finances and exhaustion. Use this time to find out more about yourself and do the things that you enjoy. There is something liberating about eating at a restaurant alone.
9. Be kind, don’t gossip or overshare. I am still working on this one. It is really difficult to be kind and positive in a world full of annoying people. However, your attitude will influence how you are being perceived. If you are unkind, people will laugh at your jokes but they will never trust you. They will never trust you not to treat them as you treat other people. Remove yourself from toxic people, and only share negativity (sadness/anger/depression) with a therapist and one other person that you trust. If you overshare negative feelings, you may be stereotyped as being full of drama. Furthermore, people will want you to stay in a negative place because it’s entertaining and makes them feel better about their own lives. Just don’t do it.
10. You cannot win every battle. Within conflict, it is tempting to try to force others to agree with your perspective. However, most people are set in their ways, and find it difficult to change their views and behaviours. This is especially important when dealing with toxic family members. You may never get the apology and empathy that you seek, so it is important to accept that every battle cannot be won, and gain validation internally, rather than externally.
lol I really needed this
BOOST
Needed.
1.29.2019
I haven’t been here in a while but this is a safe place right? I have a little unpacking to do. I have 10 minutes to type unapologetically so let’s get started, shall we?
I am currently in a good place. I’ve somewhat found my peace within the universe. Of course I’m not where I want to be, but life is a lot better than it was two years ago, hell one year ago, for that matter.
I’ve lost a plethora of people along the way but for some reason, it doesn’t sting as bad as it once did. I’m not sure if that means I’m evolving, but it feels pretty damn good. Some of those people were some of my best friends which doesn’t bother me any longer. It used to struck a cord every time I thought of them, however, I’ve made peace with them no longer holding a place within my space. That’s extremely freeing. I don’t feel as if I’m held captive anymore.
I have all that I need now: my peace, happiness and will. That ought to count for something right?
Anywho Prof. Farmer just walked in. Gotta go. Maybe I’ll be back a year from now with more to tell. Just know that I’m a lot cheekier now.
x.
“You know it’s never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It’s always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.”
— Jodi Picoult, Mercy (via perrfectly)
Damn.
I’m having a conversation with one of my friends and I ask him, “What defines you?” and he responded with, “Nothing. A definition excludes the possibility for change.”
This is one of the best responses I’ve ever received to any of my questions.
THE EX-FACTOR
“It can all be so simple; But you rather make it hard/ Lovin’ you is like a battle; And we both end up with scars” Lauryn Hill
The words seem out of sync but if you’ve ever had an “Ex-Factor” relationship, you’d truly understand what Ms. Hill is saying. The Ex-Factor. That muthafucka you just can’t let go of. Mine is pictured above. Yes, that is a picture of MY Ex-Factor Monica getting out of my car. We’d pulled in my driveway and the under carriage light of my car door, and the interior light caught her big, pretty, sexy-ass legs just right. So I told her to freeze while I snapped this shot. The rest of her looks even better. Here it goes. It was 2009 when we met. She had this short, funky, messy, spiral doo that caught my eye. I complimented her hair, she said thanks, and we kept on passing by. A little later I saw her again and this time I saw the package. DAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNNNN………… She had on this beige dress that fit her body like WTF. She had these beautiful calves that held up these BIG gorgeous thighs and round tight ass. On top of all that, she was fucking dreamy. I had to catch her. “No” doesn’t linger like woulda, coulda, shoulda, so I had to take my chances. I caught up with her with an anxious, aggressive, “Hey”. I know, but I was determined and falling over myself. The hello’s were quick. The number exchanges even quicker. I felt like it was a brushoff, but if it was, she should’ve said so because I’m sure as fuck going to follow through.
We hit it off like bread and sandwiches. We were both intellectual, social, political, worldly and nasty. We ran around the city for about a month and a half before sitting down at my place. She’d already told me she was Bi and wasn’t looking to get involved. She liked her freedom. She was very sexually active but her partners over the last year or so consisted primarily of women. She hadn’t had too much luck with men in NYC and didn’t want to “break her streak of sanity”. All of this was fine. HUH????? Me saying not having Pussy on a platter is fine??? Hold the fuck up. What’s in this weed? But it wasn’t the weed. It was her. She was the closet thing to real I’d met. No lies. No secrets. No agenda. Shit we’d kissed maybe 10 times in the time we’d spent. Fuck that. Rudy get your ass off pause and in them draws……nothing. Oh hell no. It can’t be. I like this muthafucka. DAMN. A few days later, I had to fly to Miami and asked her if she wanted to tag. She said she “had a date”. My ears got warm. I looked her straight in the soul and said, “No you don’t. You’re coming with me. If you don't….you won’t see me again. Go pack, or say goodbye”. She packed. On the way to the airport something changed. She reached for my hand and held onto my arm at every opportunity. Once in Miami, she clutched the same way. So I asked…..”What the hells a matter with you?” “I said I didn’t want to get involved and now I am”
“Just because we came to Miami?”, I said.
“No. Because you act like you care about me and I know this is going to end and I’m going to be hurt while you just move on to the next girl. And I really like you”. Now check this out; she had on white tight tight fitting jeans, a white mid-riff tank, and white sneakers. She looked real cute and innocent, but that body was guilty as fuck. Is this a game she’s playing? No, because she started crying. WEIRD. I gave her a hug and we went out and spent the day. That evening, I had my meetings so she waited for me back at the hotel. I got back a little before 9. I walked into the room to find her sitting on the couch. She was naked. She got up, walked over to me and said come to the bedroom. She turned and I saw that beautiful tight round ass smile at me as it twisted into the bedroom. She sat on the bed and said, “I want you to eat my pussy. I want to be with you and nobody else”. I tell her to turn on the bed and get on all fours doggystyle, face down…ass up. She obeyed. She carefully put her ass up as high as it would go looking back at me the whole time. “Now…spread your knees apart as far as you can”. A little smile came across her lips and a chuckle caught in her throat. She spread almost eagle with that plump ass high. My dick got hard. My mouth got wet. “Stay there”. I reached for my phone and started recording. I sat it on the dresser. I took off my shirt, got down behind that wonderful ass, and stuck my tongue in it. “Oooooooo baby”, came back at me over the top of her ass. I went from her ass to her pussy. (PAUSE……I Love Nothing More Than A Sweet Smelling Wet Pussy….DAMN; and Play). I went from her ass to her pussy and back again. After she’d shown her approval and both were wet as a full tub, I concentrated on that pussy. I locked my arms around the arch in her back and pulled that pussy into my face lapping and sucking it. I couldn’t tell the juices from my mouth from the juices of her pussy. They were both dripping like open faucets.
“GAWWDAMMIT”, she screamed and she came all over my face and in my mouth. I had to convince her that she would never belong to another. Convince her that she would never need another. I had to take her control right there, right then.
“Come and lick it off my face. Get it all”, I said. She jumped around and grabbed my face. “Don’t fucking touch me. Lick it off”. She looked startled and turned on at the same time. But I’d seen that look before. She was deciding. She was deciding whether she was going to give me control of her spirit. Trust me with it. She adjusted herself, opened her mouth, extended her tongue and began to lick her sweet cum off my face. I settled to make it easier on her and lied on my back allowing her to straddle me and look down on my face. She tongued my face and it sent chills through me. I reached down and slid my dick into her. The air left her body with a grunt. She planted her head in the mattress next to my ear. “Did I tell you to stop licking?” She rose up looked into my eyes and plunged her mouth onto my face, licking, sucking, kissing, I pumped her slow but made sure my dick hit bottom making her shudder. She planted her hands into my chest and began to move her hips and ass back and forth. She went from 0 to 100 real quick fucking me fast and hard. I arched my back to give her a bridge to ride and to plant my dick to the end of her pussy.
“This dick. This motherfuckin’ dick”, she keep saying. She jerked violently three times and came on my dick. With my back still arched, I pushed my feet into the mattress, gripped her ass, and banged her pussy listening to her grunt, “Fuck this pussy up. Fuck this pussy baby. Don’t ever stop fucking me”. I bit into her neck, went stiff and let my nutt go deep in her pussy.
“Oh shit. Shoot that nutt in me baby. I want it in me” After it was evident my nutt had passed, she climbed off my dick and put it in her mouth tasting our mixture. Later I fucked her in her ass amazed that she was taking it and cumming from it as I shot another load in her ass. Wow. We fucked four times that night into the early morning. In all the time we spent together, that was the first time we’d fucked ever.
We went back to New York a couple. No more hook-ups for me, no more pussy meetings for her, unless we were both in the room. We went to strip clubs, sex clubs (we didn’t participate we just liked watching and I would go down on her as she watched something that turned her on and vice-versa), anything having to do with sex we were there, OR, hosted it. We never missed a concert from Jill Scott to Kanye to the Chili Peppers and we ALWAYS talked. FAST FORWARD: She got paranoid, so did I, and she fucked some guy because she thought I was fucking everybody. And NO I was not. I ended it immediately. I don’t share. Two dicks in the same immediate vicinity is one dick too many. She literally stalked me for two months like everyday. She’d send VM’s with sorries at least 12 times a day. She’d pop up at the job and my place like a demented jack-in-the-box, and she sent flowers. I was not moved, so after no grace from me, she moved on.
Fast Forward Two Years: Monica would often send text and things like that over time, and I would reply. Mostly one worders. But one day she called. Her voice was sweet and hesitant, “Hi……”
“Hey you”, I came back. “How are you?”
“Fine. I’m still in love with you and my boyfriend doesn’t like it”. I broke out laughing and she did too. She was now in Miami at a radio station there, but was coming back to New York. I told her I was no longer in NYC but back in my hometown working from there. She demanded to see me. I said no because she was seeing someone. She said, “That’s easy to fix”. Again I said no. I REALLY loved this girl but her insecurities fucked up the best fantasy I had up to that point.
Who the FUCK am I lying to?????? I jumped at the chance to see her again. Not for the sex, but for the fantasy. You see the Ex-Factor has NOTHING to do with JUST sex. It has everything to do with this one twisted thing and that is this: If I could be happy with ANY fucked up individual, it would be THIS fucked up individual. But it’s ALL FANTASY. This person HAS EVERYTHING YOU WANT, with nothing you need. THEY HURT YOU BEYOND THE COMFORT OF THE STRONGEST FUCKING ALCOHOL, but you enjoyed the ride to pains station. THIS is FUCKED UP. Lauryn says, “It can all be so simple….You let go, and I let go too”. But that FANTASY of “IF” they just had their shit together, we’d be the bomb ass couple is just too strong a FANTASY. The REAL Ex-Factor is the factor X. The mystery of holding on to something that haunts and hurts us. The factor X, meaning the unknown reason why we love someone that doesn’t really love us. The Ex-Factor isn’t you’re EX. It is X as in why. Why THIS PERSON. Why? Why? Why? Why do we prefer the pain of fantasy over the peace of reality? OR…is it the other way around? We prefer the peace that the fantasy offers, over the pain that reality reveals. Hmmmm??? But I figured it out. Not only do we ALL love FANTASY. We also ALL love mystery. That X of mystery and fantasy of what could have been, and what still could be in the Ex-Factor. Why? Why? Why?
“It could all be so simple”. But WE rather make it hard.
Love You All…….Rudy
Love didn’t hurt you. Someone that didn’t know how to love hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.
Anonymous (via wnq-anonymous)
Name: Alante Lucky
Crime: Breaking/ Entering, resisting arrest
sooo you a rough sex blog preaching feminism? fuckin weird
Look man. I don’t give a fuck if i’m knuckle deep in her ass hole and she’s covered in cum and tied to my bed frame, I still hold her equal to me.
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i can’t ever not reblog this.
Teach boys how to be soft To hug with their whole hearts Hug your boys Love them Tell them you love them Teach them the greatest battles are won by the heart not the fist Teach them intimacy is more than birds and bees Teach them young so they won’t have to unlearn later like Daddy does Hug your boys
A+ savagery. (via NickLutz12)
I read the hurt in this.
peace & serenity.
