The heart is a shovel leaning against a house somewhere among the other forgotten tools.
The heart, it’s always digging up old ground,
always wanting to give things a decent burial.
But so much stays fugitive,
inside,
where it can’t be reached. Simon is the eldest son to Leonard and Sarafina Mitchell. He is going to become one of New York's greatest politicians, easily following into his father's footsteps. This was all before the death of his father. A death caused by him. After that, he fled. In his running, he somehow found himself again. Now he's at Walt Disney College to follow his father's path. To make his father proud. older brother to Kiara Mitchell older brother to Kyle Mitchell majoring in Political Studies
What: Simon during his escape & realizing he had to go back.
Who: Simon Mitchell & mentions of Nina Lawrence
When: Technically a year ago but really about a week ago when he met with Nina
Where: Brooklyn, New York
Warnings: mentions of drugs, nightmares, and being afraid of the dark
The funny thing, about running away, is that soon enough the days start to blend together. After a while, you start to realize that you don’t know if it’s Monday or Friday. Simon had no idea how long he has been in South Africa. There were no seasons – nothing to indicate what time of year it was. It was always hot, even at night. This was paradise, though. He had no worries and for once lived by the tattoo he had on his arm.
When he started to look up the New York Times, that’s when he knew just how long he had been missing. At the moment, it was three months and apparently the search was still on. He didn’t look too much at the newspapers for the guilt he almost had pushed away kept coming back. He couldn’t go back, though. He would never go back.
Simon started to lose himself as he learned from the people. He was changing, but that could have been from the drugs he started to dabble in. He smiled more and looked for adventure where ever he could find it. The guilt he had before was now gone. He grew into someone who didn’t resemble his past self at all. He started to see how important it was to become happy in your life. He took more risks and didn’t think about what others would think. He didn’t need to worry about the press because there was no press here. To anyone here, he was just a guy looking to make lasting memories.
He looked up the New York Times again. The search was called off and they assumed he was dead. It had been over seven months since he left. Being dead was completely different than missing. Being dead meant his family might have another funeral, this time with an empty casket. Was this a sign to go back? No, it couldn’t be. He can’t go back.
It wasn’t until three in the morning when the boy woke up in a cold sweat did he realize that was his sign to go home. The room was dark again for someone turned off the light on his desk. He quickly turned on the light next to his bed, his breathing slowly getting back to normal. Simon has been afraid of the dark since he can remember. When he was younger, he would get terrible nightmares if there wasn’t a nightlight on. The doctors said he would grow out of the nightmares and not be afraid of the dark. As he got older though, the nightmares became worse.
He couldn’t remember much of this nightmare. He could only piece together a couple of things, one of them being his father. His father was telling him to go back home and to remember who he was. He was Simon Mitchell, the son of Leonard Mitchell one of the greatest politicians in New York. He did not run away from his problems but solved them. He had to go back home.
Pushing coins into the pay phone and dialling the number he knew by heart, he couldn’t help but look around to see if anyone noticed him in his disguise.
“Hello?”
“Time to wake…”
“Simon? Oh, God. Simon.”
“Hey, Nina. Could ya, uh, come get me?”
“Y-yeah. Just… Just tell me where you are.”
He gave her the address and patiently waited until he saw her car. He stood up from the bench and smiled as she got out of the car. He assumed she was going to open up the trunk for him to put his carry-on in, but she surprised him like usual. She briskly walked towards him and wrapped her arms around him. Her head was rested on his shoulder, her nose barely touching his neck. His hands were tangled in her hair, his nose pressed against her shoulder. Her nails pushed against his back, making a silent promise of never letting go in case this wasn’t real at all.
[Today took an unexpected turn and it was only the afternoon. The day wasn't even over with. Simon didn't exactly want to go anywhere even though he still had some school related slightly important things to take care of. So instead of doing those things, he sat against one of the buildings. His shirt was stained with blood and his jacket needed to be thrown away. He was thankful that most of the blood had stopped. The swelling and pain on the other hand did not.]
Well, can't say I thought this day would go any different.
[She froze a little, her muscles taut as he wrapped his arms around her. Everything about it felt wrong, she was angry with him, furious, she wanted for him to hut, just as she had, just as she continued to every single day but easing into him, she found a small flicker of inner peace. He was Simon. Warm and protective - when he wasn’t disappeared. Kiara felt a rough sob wrack her body before she fell into an onslaught of tears, crying like the night he’d left. Clinging to his shirt, she pulled at it, wanting to hurt him, but having no energy to do so as she let everything out. Simon was home, and that should have been all that mattered. Her big brother was here, hugging her for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Through her rough, whispered sobs, she managed only a few words, and though she didn’t mean them, she needed to say it - to make him know that everything wasn’t okay just because of a hug.] I hate you. So much.
[Simon couldn't stop the chuckle when she said she hated him. He knew it would take a long time for both her and Kyle to possibly ever forgive him and more importantly be okay with him back.] I know. You'll both hate me for a long time. I can live with that, though. Last time you hated me for a long time was for six months when I put your fish down the toilet when he died. [He rested his head against the top of hers, his fingers subconsciously wrapping a little tighter around her. He knew he had to let go soon. He had to give them space. He had a year full of space, he could wait a few months longer.] I'm gonna let go now and walk away.
Yeah, you do do deserve it. More? [Kyle raised an eyebrow] You deserve to have every bone in that pathetic body of yours broken, but goading me into punching you isn’t going to work. I’m not as weak as you. And besides, I did a pretty nice job on your face, the damage is already done. Hitting you again would imply that I care more than I do. So I’m done.
[Simon nodded and stood there, pressing the now stained and wet sleeve against his nose. He wasn't too concerned seeing how this jacket wasn't even his.] Will you be going, then? Or are you just gonna glare at me until you see fit?
[The grin on his face irked her like nothing ever had before, and she stepped closer to him, fully intending to do as he’d asked - but she couldn’t. For all it was worth, this was Simon. And yes, he’d left in their time of need, in her time of need, but he was right, he’d be her brother no matter what, even if she never wanted to see him again, like right now. When she spoke, her voice reeked of the pain she felt, seeing him stand here unharmed, completely alive for this whole time,] You.. - you need to stay away from me, Simon. I need you, to stay as far away from me as you can. Disappear again, please. [Her eyes pleading with him desperately, Kiara didn’t know how she would deal with him being on campus with her after so long, she had no idea what she’d do - she was already reckless, but hurt and reckless? That was something else entirely.]
[Simon prepared himself for the impact of her hand against his cheek. He took a slight breath as she walked closer to him. He could handle a slap. Nina slapped him and continued to hit him until she was tired. Tim and Percy sure made their opinion on him leaving was known and was never forgotten. But she didn't slap him and was just talking to him. She was telling him to leave and at first he was confused.] I can't exactly leave right now. But I'll tell you what. I'll be sure you won't ever see me while I'm here. Okay? Soon enough, it'll be like I never came back. And you and Kyle can go on like before. If that will make you both happy, I won't see you two after this. Just... [He moved his arms up and gently wrapped them around her. He was hugging her. The only thing he truly wanted to do when he saw her. He couldn't stop the smile when he smelled her familiar perfume and for a small moment, everything felt like home.] I know this probably isn't a good idea with me leaving and all, but fuck it.
[a beat of silence passed, as Kyle stood facing his brother, blue eyes stormy. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t particularly know how to feel. It was the curse of the Mitchell family, he supposed, to endlessly mess things up and have no real idea how to solve the problems they created for themselves. But this was different from anything they’d dealt with before. Kyle was a creative guy, but he couldn’t find the words to describe how utterly betrayed he felt. Finally, something within him snapped. Curling his hand into a fist, he pulled it back and punched his brother in the face, hard, hard enough that he heard the crunch of bone as his fist collided with Simon’s nose. In his angry state, Kyle found the sound oddly satisfying, and he straightened up, shaking his hand] Fuck you.
[Simon could not describe the noise that followed when Kyle's fist collided with his nose. It was somewhat a groan mixed with a whimper maybe even a gasp was in there. Honestly, it was a noise he didn't even know could come out of his mouth. The sudden impact cause him to stumble back before he regained his footing. The blood wasted no time in making itself known on how much damage his brother did. It streamed down and into his mouth as he tried to gain conscious on what just happened. He spits out the pool of blood in his mouth on the ground, pressing the sleeve of his jacket up to his nose for it to stop bleeding, but the slight pressure caused him to wince. He nose for sure was either broken or badly bruised. Spitting out some more blood, he looked up at Kyle. His lips and teeth were stained red as he tried to talk.] I deserve that. Want to add more? Come on, you can do better. [Simon wasn't trying to be an ass. But with already getting beaten by Tim and Percy, he had an idea that this would help. If talking wouldn't help, then hitting him was the next best option.]
[still fuming from his conversation with Kiara, Kyle stormed across the main quad, determined to find the person she’d told him was back. A million different emotions cycled through his head, but the prevailing one was rage, and he was so consumed by anger and betrayal that he didn’t notice someone in front of him. Reeling from the head-on collision, Kyle was about to yell at the person who had bumped into him when he looked up into a once familiar face. Almost seething with disgust, his eyes suddenly turned cold] Kiara said you were here.
[Simon slowly backed away from his younger brother. Honestly, the man had no idea what to expect from Kyle but he knew that whatever it was wasn't going to be good. At all. But he had to face his problems and right now deserved everything his sister had said and now whatever his brother will do.] Yeah... She was right.
[His words hung in the air, and she said nothing - only taking note of how he might have been feeling in that instant. South Africa? She frowned, thinking of all the time they’d talked about going there, of all the times she’d vocally planned their lives out - always ending in South Africa and it stung, painfully so.] You.. you went there. [Finally, after letting everything out - or so she thought - Kiara didn’t feel the need to yell anymore, instead she just felt herself shutting down]
[He really shouldn't make light about the situation. There was nothing light about it. But fighting for this long, even though it hadn't been that long, was making him uncomfortable. The tone this had was surely making both of them uncomfortable. And he didn't want to fight. He wasn't the fighting type and she clearly proved that multiple times.] I had to see if they could handle the Mitchells. [he needed to wipe the smirk he had before she did. He needed to show that he was serious, but he was just so tired of fighting with her. Kyle was always the one who helped settle things between them, but now he was sure Kyle was going to side with her.] Okay, now you can slap me. I can see how that was a dick move.
Help? What exactly do you suppose you can do to help? We’ve already dealt with onslaught after onslaught from the media, we’ve already buried him, we’ve already dealt with the fact that you never came home. You think just because you show up that everything is going to be okay now? You never helped when you had the chance to, why should I give you one now? [she slumped a little, trying to ease the pain in her chest, and in reality, even though she was hysterical and so so angry at her brother, all she wanted was to step closer to him and hug him until everything was okay again, but nothing was ever that easy] I don’t even know where you’ve been.
[her mouth fell open, and she almost laughed. She wondered briefly if he would be saying the same thing had he known everything that he’d missed since he’d been gone, if he knew about the hell she’d dealt with since he left. What their family had dealt with.] Excuse me? No. You don’t get to say that, you don’t get to hang the idea of fixing your mess in front of me because I’ve hurt your feelings, Simon. You have no idea what it’s been like here, without you.
That’s it? A nightmare brought you back? Not your family? Your dignity? A nightmare brought you home. [She spat her words as tears flowed freely now] I’m so glad that our dead father brought you home.
[Simon bit the inside of his cheek and didn't say anything for a while. His hands were pushed into his pockets. He couldn't meet her eyes, couldn't see the pain that he caused. He didn't want to see how broken his family really was. He rolled back and forth on his feet wondering on if he should say anything.]
I... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. And I know that doesn't change anything, but... You aren't letting me help so I don't know what else to say.
[A rough sob fell from her lips. He honestly thought they blamed him, and it broke what little of her heart was left.] I don’t blame you for his..- I never will. Save your apologies, I might not blame you, but I don’t forgive you either. The only brother I have, is the one that held my hand through the funeral. Who carried me out of your room when I fell asleep crying, or passed out from drinking too much on your bed. The only brother I have is the one who hurt with us. No Mitchell would ever abandon family like you did, Simon.
We lost two people the day of the accident. Y..-you were alive, and you never. even. called. [She closes her eyes tightly, tears spilling over as her teeth clenched] Why now?
[He knew this was the anger talking. It had to be the anger talking. Please, dear God, let it be the anger talking. He tried to keep a straight face though in his eyes you could see the hurt overflowing. A tear slipped from his eye and tried to start a path on his cheek before he quickly wiped it away. No, he wasn't going to start crying now.]
After all that, I shouldn't even be wanting to talk to you -- wanting to make this better. Like I said before, I will always be your brother even if you don't want me. I'm pretty positive you won't believe me and tell me to lay off the drugs but... I had a nightmare about the accident and dad was shouting at me to go home.
You were scared? [She yelled now, not caring who heard or saw her cry.] You left us, to grieve dad, and you. Off the face of the earth, because you were afraid of what we would think?! We’re your family. You should have trusted us enough to know that we would never.. blame you. [she swallowed thickly, hugging herself tightly now] You’re supposed to be my big brother.. and..- you just left.
You wouldn't blame me? Hell, I don't believe that for a second. We were on the phone with mom and he... [he took a step back now, his eyes looked down at the ground and let out a shaky breath] I am your brother and always will be your brother whether you want me or not. But I'm also human and I don't make the greatest choices unless... But, I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I know you don't want to hear them. So, I'll leave for real now and go to where ever I'm supposed to be.
[she stares at him, unbelieving that he was being such a dick - until he remember that is was in fact Simon standing before her, and he had no clue what had been happening here, at all. If in fact, their mom did come, all hell would break loose, not just because of Simon, but because of the state of Kiara.] Go on. Call her. See if I care. You’re the one who’s more worried about what everyone will think, rather than fixing things, ever. That’s why you left, right? Call her, I dare you.
I left because I was worried what people will think? Good God, Kiara. I left because I killed him. I was the one who was driving too fast and caused the car to go out of control. It's my fault he's dead and I'm sorry I couldn't handle the fact that I killed my own father. So I ran away. I ran away because I was scared. I was scared what you would think. What Kyle would think. What mom would think. Okay? I was fucking terrified and didn't know what to do.
Truer words have never been spoken. [Collects her books from him] Simon. Cute. [pauses to realize what she said] for a guy! [pauses again, blushing] Anyway… yeah, I noticed the bag. Well, welcome to WDC. I’m the offical welcoming committee. It’s my job to run head first into every new person so they get a sense of what the atmosphere is like here. Need help finding your room or anything?
Why, thank you. Head first, yeah? Well, I'm sure we got that part down. As kind as that sounds, I think I'll be okay right now. I was thinking that first I would walk around and get a feel of the overall place by what's around me -- what I can work with. You know?
I wouldn’t have had to bring it up if you weren’t such a fucking ass about it, honestly. But now you know. Knowledge is power, right? [she smirks] I’m not saying you can’t wear the jacket. By all means. Wear the jacket.
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