Wander in wonder

The place between feeling and knowing. Imagination and actuality. That's where you'll find me bending the rules of reality.

[yourkatalyst]

Love... love is a fickle thing

You see some show their love through words, acts, and rings

Yes, love...

For some it blossoms like spring

And for others it's measured in a guttural scream

One that sounds like "God, please! Just take her memory from me."

But it's still love all the same

And mine... well...

I held myself under water so I could keep you afloat

Took every jagged piece of you that was broke

And as I slowly bled out

I  put you back together

My payment from you, a promise of forever

But it was never realized

And instead you said goodbye

Strangled the life out of me as tears fell from your eyes

Told me you're sorry as I slowly died

In your arms...

But... It was love all the same.

Yes it had to be

Because nothing can ruin someone so easily

And I choked through it, No! baby please! It doesn't have to be...

This way...

But it was all the same

[yourkatalyst]

A double life

But not the kind you'd think

She gives herself freely

To the words of another

Spilled across pages

It drips from her mouth

As she silently feeds

Under the cover

Lost in fantasies

But never her own

The imaginary seduces

And gives way to a different kind of infidelity

One satisfied

Only by the promise

That reality is neglected

Despite its desirability

[thoughtkick]

“I knew that what was left of me would always love you, but never in quite the same way.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

[yourkatalyst]

Longing thoughts creep in

While you're miles away lying next to him

And I can't help but wonder

Did you ever feel the thunder?

Was it only me who let love take them under?

For you

Was it as real as a first kiss?

Tell it true

Did you want it so bad you were afraid that you'd miss?

Still, here I am

In this empty bed

Running through all the things I could have said

And with dread, I question

Would it have even mattered?

Could words really remedy a heart that was battered?

Because somewhere along the way I stopped hearing it patter

And I'm not sure you can fix what's already been shattered

[yourkatalyst]

I'm lying here next to you

The shell of someone I once knew

When it changed, I have no clue

Assumptions, I may have a few

Blinded by love

I didn't see the signs

As I pulled you closer

You faded with time

History rhymes

It doesn't repeat

Feeling insecure

My heart skipped a beat

I thought I was crazy

The only one with problems

Then I met you...

And I wanted to solve them

Like a mirror from my past

Every broken heart. There.

Staring right back

And why me? I didn't even ask

You acquired the last piece of my heart

Somehow I knew this would kill me right from the start

Still, I chose to roll the dice

Sometimes I wish I would have thought twice.

[yourkatalyst]

My mind feels so loud sometimes

Polluted with thoughts and feelings

Those that keep me reeling

Yet I know the only reprieve

Comes when our breaths sync

And now I realize

You give meaning to life

[yourkatalyst]

Fuck.

Why do I do this?

Setting traps in my mind

Like I cant get through this

I act clueless

When I don't see what I manifest

Never comfortable staying

So I'll search for what's "best"

I confess

This sabotage is mine to own

Self inflicted pain

Seeds of destruction I've sown

And I've known

I made it core to my being

The path of mistrust

Is the only one I'm seeing

I'm fleeing

Every time I get close

Push you away

Cause you're the one I want most

Engrossed

I sever the connection

Break my own heart

Because I'm afraid of rejection

And It's perfection

The walls I've erected

Forever the nomad

Just as expected

[yourkatalyst]

I didn't see you coming

Almost forgot that we existed

In the same place at the same time

I wonder how I missed it

I didn't see you on the path

As I meandered through the woods

Too busy kicking rocks in the dirt

Before I noticed where you stood

I dont know what led me here

Or whether our fates aligned

But now I have a lingering fear

That it's only a matter of time

You've already infiltrated my mind

And I know it's hard to believe

But my imagination put you there

And refuses to make you leave

I'm writing poems to the ghost of you

Pretending that you'll hear it

And when my bleeding heart is through

I'll fucking grin and bear it

I'll whisper to the universe

"You too, are liable"

You brought me to this point in time

Where their being is undeniable

So, take my song out to sea

On waves of emotion

It was always going to drown in me

Unless I gave it to the ocean

[yourkatalyst]

People sit around waiting on a savior, but this one doesn't need anyone to save her. They shower her with blessings, as if her essence wasn't the only thing that was holy.

[yourkatalyst]

Tongue tied

I want to say something, but I don't

You want to say something, but you won't

We both just sit there, thoughts burning in our head

And wonder what would change with the things left unsaid

[yourkatalyst]

Get out of your head

Or you're dead

You'll claw at the thoughts

Seek out the rot

& beat yourself up til you've bled.

[yourkatalyst]

I found you

After all this time

I thought you were gone

I'd put the idea of you away

Never expecting to resurface it

But as the sun rises, so do you

With your dark eyes

I can feel the pull

And despite its strength, I feel weightless

You'll always bind me

At some point or another

We've crossed lifetimes and oceans

Just to relive this moment

[yourkatalyst]

Temptations

There’s a knock at my door

I’ve always liked to dance

Here to settle the score

I never stood a chance

My mind is taken

I’m tempted by a smile

And although I’m shaken

I’ll stay with you a while

There’s beauty in the breakdown

I’m captivated by a thought

As I listen for the sound

Of my heart getting caught

It's said, never say never

But I’m completely entranced

I should have known better

When the devil asked me to dance

[yourkatalyst]

Stop my heart with a look

Scribe my name in your book

A testament of our story

All of the treachery and glory

Don’t forget a single moment

Scribble down every component

Now hold on to that feeling

As you float toward the ceiling

Then the beating gets loud

So you come down from the cloud

And it ends with a hook

But it began with a look

[yourkatalyst]

I’ve been searching for a sign That I’m right on time To where I’m meant to be And what I’m supposed to see But in the sea of despair I’m left questioning where The light might have gone They say it’s darkest before the dawn And they’re not wrong In fact, they might be right If darkness really is the absence of light Then you know how to regain sight You light up the dark By using love as the spark When you touch a life, you leave a mark And it’s symbolic of our purpose No life on earth is worthless You forgive the merciless Even if it’s undeserving All beings are capable of learning And earning.. So when push comes to shove We relinquish the weight Knowing the heaviest is hate We clean the slate Hold tight to love And let our hearts rise above

[yourkatalyst]

Signs

You're a lesson learned

While something was lost

Truth and knowledge were earned.

I asked God for a sign

That this was meant to be.

My answer came in time

When he kept you away from me.

[yourkatalyst]

The circle of life

I have left you exposed Like an infant incapable of self care I have left you indisposed and aware The circle of life isn’t always just But we complete the rotation as a must A declaration that we passed the test Completed our lives just to rest But In rest is where we finally begin Because death isn’t really the means to an end