xvi

[youvebecomesomeoneelse-blog]

In the edge of breaking up.

I was really sad. Knowing you'll still go sa t e a m dinner nyo kahit na alam mong nagseselos ako...

I even offer na magwawalwal ako if you'll go and you still decided to go. :(

I was so heart broken. I was crying in the streets. Stomping my feet...

Like a child who lost her favourite toy...

Like a child whose heart was broken when she didn't get what she wanted...

Like a child... I was crying... Begging... That you'll choose me... :(

I was so desperate that I showed up. Crying and telling you not to go...

You were still hesitant.

I cried... And cried... And I'm on my way to kneeling down and beg you to stay.

To not go....

But you're still firm in your decision...

I was sad...

Until I told you to go...

I was crying on my way home... While I was walking, I am ready to tell my parents that, "wala na tayo.(kahit hindi naman naging tayo officially)" in order for them to convince me na lumipat ba ng company and to tell me na layuan ka na...

I message my father and he replied. I was about to tell him...

But I walked again and see a glimpse of you. I felt relieved for a little while... We walked and then you spoke,

"Isa na lang ang mangyayari ngayon. And yun ay malaman ng mama mo lahat ng ginawa mo ngayong araw na to."

My heart is broken. I should've just endured the 3.5 hrs of you dining with other girls...

I should've sacrifice a little but I couldn't.. I was so afraid that they'll celebrate your birthday... That they would make you happy... That you'll create more memories with them...

I am selfish. I know.... But I couldn't help myself feeling anxious knowing there are girls around you...

Talking. Laughing. Making funny jokes.

I was sad... When you said that to me. I know this is the end. And I want it all to end at that time...

Because I hate myself for being like this.

For being so insecure...

I'm a mess...

I was crying on our way to j u n c t i o n...

Thinking we'll break up after we arrived at my house...

I asked to hold your hand for one last time...

Then...

Our memories together starts filling my mind one by one...

The day we cried together in the p a r k just because we confessed to each other...

The days where we both travelled the same path and made lots of memories together...

I was crying and crying....

And thought,

"We both confessed our love to each other holding hands while crying and now, we're breaking up still holding each other crying together."

Thankfully, you still coax me...

You hugged me and told me,

"Magtino ka na sa o f f i c e kasi love na love naman kita."

How? Paano ako magtitino when every time you'll be with your t e a m, I feel sad...

I hate myself for being like this...

For loving you more than I supposed to...

For giving you all the things I could give...

And now, I'm only left with the fact that we both spent 4 years and 2 mos. together...

And that's it...

I'm a trash waiting to be disposed of...

So tell me, how could I teach myself not to feel anxious/jealous with every girl who gets to know you?

02/03/2019

5:11 pm

[youvebecomesomeoneelse-blog]

me.

I'm afraid you'll be close to someone else... That they would do the things I've done for you...

Ahhhh~ Why am I so pathetic? :(

02/03/19

[youvebecomesomeoneelse-blog]

Iiyak na lang natin to.

01/02/19 2:30 am

[youvebecomesomeoneelse-blog]

My supposedly Christmas Letter to you 🎄

Hi Mahal!

Hahahahaha. Ngayon na lang ulit kita natawag ng ganyan... Parang kailan lang, binibiro-biro lang kita tuwing nandyan yung may crush sayo. Ngayon, eto na ako hahahaha in love na in love sayo. 💕

Sobrang dami na natin napagdaanan sa 4 years plus na magkasama tayo... Madaming pagsubok ang dumating sa ating dalawa and through those experiences, sobrang proud ako sayo kung paano ka nag grow as a person and sobrang strong muna ngayon!!! ❤

Strong kasi you can do things on your own na, I know even before you have a strong sense of doing what you ought to do. Pero iba talaga ngayong taon na to. You've become so much independent which I constantly failed to do so...

As in you can be completely fine as possible whenever we have tampuhan. You can go out and picked other things more than me. You can just do what you want and be completely fine with it even if you know what I feel...

Please don't get me wrong here, I'm not nagrereklamo or anything but just proud kasi you can finally be completely fine without someone like me.

This made me think na all those times I chose to let go was because you really deserve to have the best woman out there. And yeah, I'll just have to wait for that time to come 😂😂😂

Anyway, thank you for supporting me this 2018 specially sa paglend sa akin ng money during board exam days. I really appreciate it! :) Sa gala and gifts mo before review, sa pag bisita mo sa akin sa review c e n t e r... Sa mga pakain mo na nagpapawala ng stress but most importantly sa presence mo na sobrang namimiss ko... It was really tough that time... And tuwing hindi kita makakasama ng isang araw sa isang linggo sobrang down talaga ng mood ko... That's explains why I acted like that during the last days of the board exam.

I expected that you'll come sa first day ng exam because I miss you so much and I was looking for you in every corner of the street until I received your text message na di ka pala makakapunta kasi you don't have money.

I was sad.

I really wanted you to come and I was supposed to reply to you and tell you to come and I'll give you money to reimburse you sa pamasahe yet I didn't do it... And I regret not doing it. I regret not telling you to come and get me. 💔

And yes, tama na ang drama! There's still happy memories we can look back too, ano? We graduated and have the first summer vacation with your family during the year!!! ♥

Even if a lot of things had happened this year, I still want to thank you for loving me.

I love you so much Mahal! ♥

And I miss you.... ♥

PS: I'll prepare myself next year.

[youvebecomesomeoneelse-blog]

h i!

New account here! 😂😂😂 Tagal ko ding hindi nakapagsulat ah! 😂