In the edge of breaking up.
I was really sad. Knowing you'll still go sa t e a m dinner nyo kahit na alam mong nagseselos ako...
I even offer na magwawalwal ako if you'll go and you still decided to go. :(
I was so heart broken. I was crying in the streets. Stomping my feet...
Like a child who lost her favourite toy...
Like a child whose heart was broken when she didn't get what she wanted...
Like a child... I was crying... Begging... That you'll choose me... :(
I was so desperate that I showed up. Crying and telling you not to go...
You were still hesitant.
I cried... And cried... And I'm on my way to kneeling down and beg you to stay.
To not go....
But you're still firm in your decision...
I was sad...
Until I told you to go...
I was crying on my way home... While I was walking, I am ready to tell my parents that, "wala na tayo.(kahit hindi naman naging tayo officially)" in order for them to convince me na lumipat ba ng company and to tell me na layuan ka na...
I message my father and he replied. I was about to tell him...
But I walked again and see a glimpse of you. I felt relieved for a little while... We walked and then you spoke,
"Isa na lang ang mangyayari ngayon. And yun ay malaman ng mama mo lahat ng ginawa mo ngayong araw na to."
My heart is broken. I should've just endured the 3.5 hrs of you dining with other girls...
I should've sacrifice a little but I couldn't.. I was so afraid that they'll celebrate your birthday... That they would make you happy... That you'll create more memories with them...
I am selfish. I know.... But I couldn't help myself feeling anxious knowing there are girls around you...
Talking. Laughing. Making funny jokes.
I was sad... When you said that to me. I know this is the end. And I want it all to end at that time...
Because I hate myself for being like this.
For being so insecure...
I'm a mess...
I was crying on our way to j u n c t i o n...
Thinking we'll break up after we arrived at my house...
I asked to hold your hand for one last time...
Then...
Our memories together starts filling my mind one by one...
The day we cried together in the p a r k just because we confessed to each other...
The days where we both travelled the same path and made lots of memories together...
I was crying and crying....
And thought,
"We both confessed our love to each other holding hands while crying and now, we're breaking up still holding each other crying together."
Thankfully, you still coax me...
You hugged me and told me,
"Magtino ka na sa o f f i c e kasi love na love naman kita."
How? Paano ako magtitino when every time you'll be with your t e a m, I feel sad...
I hate myself for being like this...
For loving you more than I supposed to...
For giving you all the things I could give...
And now, I'm only left with the fact that we both spent 4 years and 2 mos. together...
And that's it...
I'm a trash waiting to be disposed of...
So tell me, how could I teach myself not to feel anxious/jealous with every girl who gets to know you?
02/03/2019
5:11 pm
