copy cat killer

yseult cai / twenty-eight singer + tech support

[apiratereject]

“Still,” said Mari. As far as she understood or was aware, that felt like sufficient enough celebrity status. After all, that meant people who were complete strangers knew who she was. Mari knew only five people in her life and those were the only five people who knew her. It was simply mind blowing that someone had greater reach and spread. “That’s impressive one way or another. I mean, you put yourself out there, don’t you? That’s not easy.” She understood that much. As an artist herself, it wasn't easy to put your art and passion out there and open yourself up to being critiqued for something you loved doing.

[yseultcai]

"It's a bit of a nightmare, if I'm being honest. Like, I'll be out living my life and suddenly someone will recognize me. At first it was cool, and now it makes me want to crawl into a hole and ever leave it ever again." She almost asked if Marianne understood, but it was a very specific thing that she'd be asking, so she didn't bother.

The train started slowing, Yseult looking up at the screen to make sure that it was in fact the right stop. How many times had she stumbled onto the wrong platform? Too many times to ever speak of. "This one's me."

[apiratereject]

“Oh,” said Mari with wide eyes, looking truly impressed. Mari didn’t sing. Or have any sort of talent, really, beyond anything criminal. “So, you can sound like anyone? Any singer? So, wait, can you sound like me?” Anyone hearing her might have thought it was vain of her to ask. But Mari was confident in herself, even while understanding her faults. 

“So, are you like one of those influencers? Is that what they’re called? Or are YouTube people something different? YouTube is better. I think it’s… harder to do. I mean, right?” She looked to Yseult for confirmation. 

[yseultcai]

"Yes," Yseult said simply, not quite knowing if that was a challenge to start talking like her or not. Some people made. comments like that but didn't actually want the weirdness of mimicry to happen. Other people liked it as much as they liked a random party trick. "I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an influencer. I guess I could be classified as that when I get sponsors that I have to shill and all of that. But, yeah, most of the time I'm just posting the covers that I'm doing. I try to post cross platform, but it's usually only tiny clips of me that actually go viral."

[apiratereject]

Mari shook her head with a small shrug. “No,” she said. “It’s not a set script or anything, anyway. It’s the kind of life you just end up in because there isn’t anything else out there for you, I think.” She supposed some people chose to be pirates, but more often than not she found many of them found there wasn’t anything left on land for them. “I guess kind of like what you were saying, about a collection of odd people just thrown together.”

Mari eyes widened. Given that she spent enough time out in the open ocean with little to no signal and didn’t have a computer to speak of, she didn’t spend a lot of time, if any time at all, on the internet. Outside of the occasional porn, she barely knew much about it. “So, are you like a celebrity?” she asked in a hushed tone, as if suddenly speaking at normal volume might cause those on the train to recognize her.

[yseultcai]

"Not, like, an actual celebrity. It's a weird singing part of the internet, because I'm so good at impressions, and also happen to know how to sing on key." Suddenly she was blushing, feeling silly and stupid, and incredibly overwhelmed. "I just make covers singing songs in the voice of the person who sang them originally. It trips people out enough that they subscribe and stuff, you know?"

It was hard enough explaining all of it to Fenrik, and he was the least online person that Yseult had ever met in her life. "Everyone has their Youtube thing these days."

[apiratereject]

“Marianna at your service,” she said. She put her hand to her forehead in a salute. “Former pirate and current wanderer at your service. Actually, the pirate thing comes and goes depending on if I want to take on a gig or not. And if I need the money” She shrugged. She wasn’t even sure if she’d call herself a pirate nowadays. She was just usually a deckhand. 

She tilted her head. “What does that mean? That you continue to have reasons to be?”

[yseultcai]

"Yseult. I'd tell you how to spell it, but that just seems a little clunky and annoying compared to your introduction. Do you always introduce yourself like that?" Yseult laughed anyway, not having met a pirate for some time now. "I've always be a little jealous of pirates. Except for the fact that I'm pretty sure I get seasick, and any adventure I'd want to go on would be immediately cut short." Land it was.

A huff escaped Yseult's mouth. "It's more of a generalized fear, but, I'm a like, a tiny bit internet famous and recently have learned that even being a tiny bit internet famous means it's harder to trust people in general."

[apiratereject]

Mari didn’t say anything, mostly because she wasn’t sure she agreed. Too long she had become attached to people only to have them ripped away from her, and so she wasn’t sure about needing anyone in her life. But she actually liked this girl a lot and decided, for once, to hold her tongue on that particular opinion. She could be sensitive when she wanted to be. 

“Do you? Do you really prefer that? Or is that just what you tell yourself because your fear of being rejected just as such a hold on you that you tell yourself that so you won’t feel sad about the box you’ve decided to keep yourself in?”

[yseultcai]

"I'm pretty sure people should have to at least give me their first name before they can start becoming my therapist. Might make it all feel a little less like a sting when spoken out loud." She was wincing, clutching onto the pole of the train like her entire life depended on it. The fact that a stranger could see so clearly through her made Yseult want to shrivel up and die a little. Was she that horribly obvious to everyone?

Yseult pushed her hair out of her face, the rumbling of the tracks below quieting the anxiousness bubbling up inside. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm scared of a lot of things, and the horrible truth is, I continue to have reasons to be."

[apiratereject]

“I find odd collections of people are way more interesting than a normal collection of people,” said Mari. Hearing it said out loud made it sound obvious. Of course odd was more interesting than normal, but at the same time people thought odd was bad. Odd was weird.

“Well, first of all, you don’t both have to like each other. That is the point of dating, you know. To figure out how you might feel about someone more long term. You might think you like someone and it turns out, they're absolutely terrible. Same way, as someone making a snap decision about disliking someone and it turns out, they aren't what you thought and you might like them. I mean, I suppose there has to be some sort of mutual agreement, but you see my point. Second, it sounds like you just need to relax,” said Mari. “If you put all these expectations, of course it's never going to happen because you’re already psyching yourself out before you can get a date. Also, what is the worst that can happen if you do ask someone out? They say no.”

[yseultcai]

"Me, too," Yseult agreed easily. "It's the most surprising people that turn out to be the ones you never knew you needed to be in your life." She loved meeting new people, and hearing other people's experiences. There was something so nice in knowing that no matter how different everyone was, there were still specifics that could be relatable on all levels. That was the power of music, too. The ability to connect across species, and socioeconomic backgrounds.

She didn't look convinced. "I prefer yearning from a distance, pining through online spaces, and conjuring up elaborate fantasies that will never happen. Much safer that way." Yseult bit down hard on one of her fingernails, doing her best to not bite it to pieces like she was known to do.

[apiratereject]

“Oh, one of those,” said Mari, as if she might have known the sort of person. She then couldn’t help but lower her voice to ask the next question. “Does he speak that way because that’s the language he speaks? I’m really not sure if there’s a language redcaps have.” Sometimes Mari said whatever came into her brain without thinking, and this was one of those times. 

Mari followed her onto the train and couldn’t help the loud gasp that left her at the revelation. Not that she knew the other woman. “What?” she asked. “How can you have never dated anyone?” Mari said despite the fact that she didn’t really date herself. Not in the way most people did when they were trying to find a real partner. “I mean, some people find that charming.” As the train moved, she stumbled slightly not having grabbed onto anything, but she caught herself.

[yseultcai]

"We do have a localized language, but most of the people I hang around aren't even necessarily redcaps. We're kind of an odd collection of people. I think Fenrik's just grumpy." They were the lost boys and girls, all congregating in one area, looking for easy payouts, and a place where they might belong. These days, Yseult knew most of her reasonings for being there were cowardly. She had made strides to stop cutting herself off from the world, including her dad.

Yseult looked at the woman skeptically. "It's not, like, easy to just date someone. Someone has to make the first move, you both have to like each other. Everyone seems to make it seem so simple but it's just, it's pure luck and happenstance that you even get to that point at all! Half the time I've already imagined a wedding and they barely know I exist."

[apiratereject]

Mari’s eyes widened at her outburst of laughter. “A father figure, I got it,” she nodded. Had she been anyone else, with a more normal upbringing, it might have sounded like she didn’t actually believe her. But Mari did understand. She had a father figure once who had become more of a father than her own (in no small part because she had come to know the man longer than her own father). However, eventually he had died, leaving her alone once again.

“Oh, I see,” she said. “Men are so…” She waved her hand as if to fill in the blank. “That must be nice.” Mari had never given much thought to that sort of thing, because she had constantly been surrounded by men. The hazards of being a pirate, it was something that was overrun by men, despite the occasional woman or two. She liked to think of herself as liking whomever she liked– which really meant liking whoever was willing for one night before moving on. She had far too many trust issues for it to ever be more than that.

[yseultcai]

"He's the gruff, silent type. But he always means well. Pretty sure he speaks mostly in grunts these days, but, what can you do when you love someone." Everyone in the gang had their own language, they own way of speaking to one another. It was coded, not necessarily on purpose, but it was the kind of thing that happened when you spent so much time with other people doing dangerous things. Their bond was written in blood.

They stepped onto the train, Yseult always preferring to stand, white knuckle gripping a pole, rather than sitting. She could never explain why, except for the fact that being flung around was actually sort of fun. "I wouldn't really know. I've never even dated anyone. I'm like, incapable of not embarrassing myself. Whenever I meet someone I like my mouth becomes goo and I just start saying things that I wish I never said."

[apiratereject]

“I like you,” said Mari with a glowing smile. Perhaps it was naive of her to go along so readily with a stranger. Perhaps she should have been of the mind that this woman was trying to flatter her, but ever so confident in her own abilities to take care of herself, she decided to offer her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, that’s what made life fun. 

“Your boyfriend?” she questioned with a tilt of her head, but she was quick to grab hold of the young woman’s wrist as the train was quickly pulling into the station. “Let’s go.”

[yseultcai]

Yseult blushed, like she usually did when being complimented by any woman. She couldn't help herself. Her entire body would always react that way, whether she wanted to or not. It wasn't her fault. Maybe women should stop being so pretty, and she wouldn't have this problem in her life.

Just as quickly as she blushed, Yseult let out the loudest laugh of her entire life. "Boyfriend? Oh my god. Fenrik? Absolutely not. I'd have to have been hit in the end and had a whole life change for that to be the case." Which wasn't a strike against Fenrik in particular, but he was a man, a much older man, and thus, so far outside of Yseult's actual area of attraction. "He's more like a father-type figure. And, just to like, clear the record, I'm not into men. They're just so—" She scrunched up her nose, letting herself be pulled as the train announced its arrival.

[apiratereject]

“I have no way of knowing that without knowing you,” said Mari. “People always think I can’t hold my own and think I’m so precious and adorable until I prove them wrong.” Really, everyone she had stabbed, it was entirely their fault for trying to challenge her. She could be normal and chill, but people refused to let her be and ended up with a fork in their thigh. That was not her fault.

“Well, no,” granted Mari with a nod. See? She could be entirely reasonable when people weren’t trying to work her up. “You’re certainly not the kind of person I’d picture living in Bloodhearth. Which really just makes the point of why I should go there so I can learn beyond the stereotypes that have been fed to me all my life. Pirates especially live by them.”

[yseultcai]

"Well, a little known fact about me is that I never underestimate anyone. I always assume people could kick my butt, and its worked pretty well for me so far." It helped that Yseult knew well-seasoned murderers who could handle a tough job for her, but the point still stood. There was no point in Yseult ever believing in someone's inability, when more often than not, people proved how surprising they could be. She'd never make the same mistakes again.

Yseult quirked an eyebrow, an easy smile on her face. The one that lived there most of the time unless she decided it was time to become weepy. "Consider yourself invited. I'll make sure to keep you away from Fenrik, though. I've a feeling the pair of you wouldn't get along. Or maybe you would, which might be worse."

[apiratereject]

“Isn’t that how redcaps are?” asked Mari. “I mean, they’re kind of, like, known for wanting to fight from what I’ve heard. Besides, I grew up around pirates. They’re just as prickly and there was a fight every night while we were on the sea. Once, the fight got so intense, one of my fellow kitchen staff threw a deckhand overboard. I mean, we got him back, because we couldn’t be short a deckhand, but there were sharks in that water, so you know it was serious.”

[yseultcai]

Yseult shook her head in a resounding no. "Do I look like someone who is always itching for a fight?" They were stereotypes, and most of the time it helped redcaps when it came to their reputations, but in Yseult's case, it couldn't be further off the mark. Nothing in her body suggested fighting was even an option, except for when it conveniently did. "Not all vampires are blood thirsty monsters. Not all sirens wish to lure people to their death. And not all redcaps have a fascination with beating you to a pulp."

[apiratereject]

“Pfft, no. I could never be a spy,” said Mari. “Spies have to be invisible, and I’m not sure how good I am at that. More than anything, I’m not sure how long it would be before I blew my cover because I just couldn’t take it anymore.” She waved a hand. It was partially true. There had been a time when she had been able to be discreet, sneaking her way into pockets to steal what she could. She had spent too much around pirates, though, and acquired their rowdiness. 

“As for what’ll happen, well, I dunno. That’s kind of the point, though. It’s new for me. It’s exciting. I just want to be impulsive and go and then, well, who knows what’ll happen. Maybe it’ll be super boring, but I won’t know until I go and this seems like an opportune moment.”

[yseultcai]

Wisps of hair fell into Yseult's face, which she hastily shoved back with no finesse or grace. Was it nerves? Fear? An odd sense of returning back to one's self? What was the point in being alive if she continued to walk on egg shells throughout the world like that was about to change anything. She was tired of her own feelings, and the wretchedness of distrusting others. There had to be a line between thinking everyone was after her, and believing that most people barely recognized she existed.

"If I bring you, you have to know that people are extra prickly, and always itching for fight. They're also—well, they're a little protective of me, I think." She didn't just think, she knew, but that seemed perhaps a little too intense. "We're all protective of each other."

[apiratereject]

“Oh my god, can I come with you?” asked Mari. Yes, she definitely let most of what the other girl just said about not wanting to necessarily reveal where she was or the slight indication that it might be inadvisable to invite herself along go over her head. “Not to your home, just to Bloodhearth.” It seemed like such a thrilling place to go. 

“You know, I’ve never known a redcap. I don’t think so, anyway,” she said. Most of her acquaintances were definitely human. She might have unknowingly crossed paths with a redcap, but never one that had bothered to their claws or that wanted to choke her, because she was certain any redcap that met her would have very little patience.

[yseultcai]

Yseult's initial answer would always be yes. And, despite all of her reservations, she was much too gay to say no to any woman, even a stranger. It wasn't hurt fault. There was likely some scientific explanation for how pathetic she became when someone attractive was nearby. Like this was how biology enjoyed rearing its ugly head. "I think that begs the question as to what'll happen if I do bring you. You aren't, like, a spy or anything right?"

She waited for the answer eagerly, knowing that Fenrik would have already rolled his eyes and tossed up his hands at this point. Nothing was worse for him than watching Yseult continue to be ridiculous in every conversation imaginable. They were in a gang, not a circus.

[apiratereject]

“It is the best way to do it,” nodded Mari. “You just have to create from the heart and see what comes out of it.” At least that’s how she viewed it. Oftentimes, her hands just felt like they were moving of their own accord, an image bleeding from them.

“No, you don’t look like the murder type, but I would be remiss if I just took you at face value,” admitted Mari. Even if this were a ruse, she was still pretty sure she could take the other woman. “So, where is home for you, anyway?”

[yseultcai]

"Given our whole conversation about murder, I probably shouldn't tell you where I'm headed." Well, and the fact that Yseult already had to deal with a stalker before, she found it better if she learned how to keep her mouth shut once in a while. "But...I'll just be vague and say Bloodhearth. I'm a Redcap. Lots of friends and family over in that area, but I spend a lot of time at the University these days."

She figured now might have been a good time to mention that she was an artist, too. Yseult hesitated. Her still-mending heart finding it difficult to offer up more disclosure than necessary, and her internet presence was already shaky these days as she tried to regain the foothold she once had.

[apiratereject]

Mari didn’t answer right away, instead looking at the sketch in front of her. The woman didn’t have features yet that might allude to whether or not it was meant to represent her. “I haven’t decided yet,” she settled on. “Some things I just do on instinct. See what happens. Sometimes I’m not sure what I’m drawing until I’ve drawn it.” 

Mari leaned forward as well, her eyes narrowing. “So, what’s your deal?” she asked. “What’s your angle here?” She couldn’t remain entirely not suspicious, after all. This might be the longest she’s ever talked to someone about her art and that in and of itself felt suspicious. “What are you going to get out of this? Not here to murder me, are you? Because it won’t be easy, you know.”

[yseultcai]

She nodded sagely, like that made complete sense, because, well, it did. Art was meant to be felt, and whether someone was a planner or not, she could respect any angle when it came to creation. "No, I get that. Sounds like the best way to actually do something for yourself, and not try and force it. There's nothing worse than bleeding veins dry just to get something new." Yseult thought of her own attempts at songwriting and cringed.

"Me?" Yseult replied, pointing a finger straight at her own chest. "Well, I'm on my way home after spending time at University. I'm not really the murder type." Except in extreme circumstances, and in that instance, apparently Yseult did become a murder type. Something she wished she could forget. "I'm more peace and love, with a hint of skepticism that any of that is actually possible. Because, you know, of everything."

[apiratereject]

Mari looked at the girl, her eyes wide. She had never really had anyone ask about her art. Not that many people who knew her and especially those who didn’t really knew she had any artistic talent. She sat on the question for a moment. 

“Well, I guess meaning,” she started slowly, “this is sea aster. A coastal plant since I live on the beach. Sargassum because I grew up on the ocean. Corpse flower, because it’s my favorite.” She pointed to each as she spoke. “This flower my parents kept it around, so I suppose it was their favorite. This because it’s native to the island– I guess because they’re all kind of related to me in some way. Like my story told through the lens of flora.”

[yseultcai]

"Oh, I love that," Yseult gushed. Her eyes never once removing themselves from the woman's face, too enraptured, or maybe too dazed listening to someone discuss something that they were clearly passionate about. What could have been better than that? So many people liked to hide away what they loved the most, and Yseult was tired of a world that didn't seem to care about true expressionism. "Does that mean that you consider yourself to be the woman? Or is the woman just someone you saw and decided to go along with?"

She leaned in, chin in her hand, eyes widening with more curiosity that always had and always would get her into all sorts of trouble.

[apiratereject]

Mari sat tucked away into a corner of the train station. As she often traveled on whims, until she figured out what she wanted, she’d hang out at the precise place that would allow her to go wherever she decided to end up today. In the meantime, though, she was drawing. Currently she had a feminine, curvy body on the page in front of her and was working on drawing plants that erupted from the innards. 

She was so absorbed in what she was doing, she didn’t notice that anyone might have been staring or watching and only noticed when she heard someone speak up. She looked up. She assessed the stranger quickly, mostly because in this city you could never be sure. Regardless, whatever criteria she might have been using to judge, the woman passed. 

“Thank you,” she said none too humbly, “it’s going to be a woman with nature just bursting from her naked body. Flowers and vines replacing her insides. Very Frida Kahlo-esque."

[yseultcai]

She nodded along, pretending as though she understood more than she actually did. Art wasn't necessarily her strong suit, but she could appreciate expression, and the desire to create something outside of yourself. "I've always liked the call to nature sort of feeling that a lot of art handles. I mean, we can't separate ourselves from the fact that we're also just animals in an ecosystem. Only this time we have really big guns."

Yseult shifted closer, curiosity doing its work in alleviating any nervousness or hesitation in the action. "How do you decide which flowers to draw? Is it about color? Meaning? Whatever you feel like?" There seemed like an endless amount of possibilities, and she hoped for an answer.