Young Carlton

Kaigodlike

[ilikeyoshi]

me: hey how long is this thing going to last

someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook

me: hah

me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)

[ilikeyoshi]

me: hey how long will this take

someone: oh like twenty minutes

me: ok

*an hour later*

me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*

someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby

me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*

[ilikeyoshi]

someone: hey do you want to do [involving time-consuming thing]

me: hey that sounds fun! when were you thinking?

someone: oh we’re doing it right now

me: oh. like. now-now? like right now. like you want me to stop what i’m doing and get up and do this thing with you, suddenly, with thirty seconds of warning. now. like this second. immediately. now?

[hetereal]

fuck me gently with your motorcycle 

[guiltygirl]

social anxiety isn’t just quiet people who are shy!!! i may be talking a lot but internally i’m panicking and punching myself in the face for every word that comes out of my mouth thank u

[yungggcocaineee]

I don't use my twitter anymore. My Instagram is a king of persona that doesn't fully exemplify myself. I suppose that's how it always is with any social media platform; you have no way of knowing who's behind the screen of the person who's platform you are eyeing. I could ramble on about there's no way of truly knowing anyone or their intentions but then again I could ramble on about virtually anything. That's one of the hardest pills I've ever had to swallow and coming to that conclusion took years of me prodding at people with questions and concerns; I was a motherfucking, walking, talking quiz. This pushed away people I liked a lot.

I tried being the perfect **insert social relationship role here** to those who I liked enough. I become obsessed with the idea of being perfect in that person's mind. I want to be the best for them and to them. It's like learning an art; learning the other person's, their likes, dislikes, wants and needs. This is why I'm not around people all the time, it becomes exhausting. I guess I love and hate people at the same time.

I love to learn them; each one a different score of music, a different stroke of a brush, a new song entirely, a new art piece. Entirely. I love them. However I know that art comes from suffering and sometimes people are a dissonant note, or an abstract piece of art. Still art. Some people awaken things in yourself you never knew were there and sometimes people inhibit parts of you you've worked hard to build. People can make you better but they can also make you worse if you let them.

For someone like me I have to balance the art of people delicately or I will, without a doubt, lose myself. For others I'm sure this is true as well. It took me a while to really come to terms with this part of myself, and to realize that some people don't deserve the dedication that I have to give to them and some people just don't want it, and that's fine. I'm still hurting in so many ways that I could write on here for an eternity. But I won't, I'll leave it as it is. Goodnight to the like 10 people who are gonna see this and be like what the fuck kai lmao bye

[bazaardotco]

[milpool-thrillhouse]

Who would win in a bad bitch alien fight

[hoeism-intervention]

Roger is the bad bitch of the galaxy

[ouijubell]

Okay, but Roger also can’t keep a man.

Pleackly has a man, a family, and isn’t trapped living in an attic. And to top it off - see those two tongues? Roger wishes he could.

[nesija]

oh… the tea is hot

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

this post has brought me nothing but suffering since it has entered my life

[kevingetem]

If u defend my name when im not around I truly appreciate u

[moviesandquotes]

[sustainablefarming-deactivated2]

This should’ve been my gender reveal

[chainsawpunk]

[homo-nerd-grizz]

They look so distraught lmao straight people are wild

[danger]

[drowning4youu]

some of the saddest phrases in the English language: - but you promised - ive never told anyone - i can’t do it - i tried - i trusted you - why did you do this to me - why am i not good enough - it still hurts - i can’t keep pretending

[cartoon-deactivated20220930]

[abduction]

[perrfectly]

[love-personal]

[terrysdiary]

[s-uiiciide]