Since I haven’t posted anything or updated anything in a while , I figure right now ... right here ... is the best space, and place to get my thoughts out there without feeling like everyone’s gonna have something to say.
So basically , I’m at the most pivotal part of my life right Now. I feel it. A lot of things that I thought were going to happen by now , haven’t. A lot of people I thought would be here right now , aren’t. And I’ve been really hard on myself about it. So if you’ve been feeling this way too, you are not alone.
Between the anxiety of my job , the pressure to create monumental music , my nonexistent love life , my living situation, I am overwhelmed at times . Sometimes to the point where I just stop and don’t do anything . Like literally will have so much shit to do but choose to just scroll through my phone instead.
However , in the midst of this quarantine , I have learned things about myself that I didn’t know.
I’ve also accepted things I didn’t want to. I know that In order for me to be better I gotta be tougher. I gotta be smarter . I gotta think bigger. I gotta be so secure with myself that nothing can break my composure. My confidence and self awareness must be unbreakable. And I also have to stop looking for things to feed my insecurities , instead look for things that elevate my confidence.
I’m learning that giving is more profitable than recieving. I’m learning that I’ve never experienced a healthy love. Because a healthy love isn’t perfect , but it remains no matter what for the right reasons.
I can’t pretend to be cool with mfckas. If we don’t rock, you mostly likely did some wack shit. And I’ve also learned that I’m not one for minimal shit. I’ve never appreciated or wanted to keep anything that’s made me 50% happy.
Just a lot of mirror shit. That’s all this quarantine has done to me. Make me look at myself and the people I love most in a whole nother light.
There’s no magic message to this. Just an update . A diary entry in this moment in time.
