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as if day 1 wasn’t enough.. (cr. @jiminfilter & okayoonji twt)
+ (tongue bonus)
Here’s the opposite story, though. With apologies because I don’t have the book in front of me, so I may get some details wrong, but I read this “Irena’s Children“ by Tilar J. Mazzeo.
Irena lived in Warsaw during the Nazi occupation, and dedicated her life to rescuing Jewish children from the Ghetto, and her story is complicated in a lot of ways but - well, this story isn’t actually about Irena, per se.
It’s about a bus driver.
It’s about a day when she’s traveling across town by bus with a very young Jewish child, and partway to their destination the child looks up and asks a question - in Yiddish. and the whole bus goes quiet, because everyone knows what that means. And Irena thinks, okay, we’re going to die here today.
And she’s running through her options - all of them bad - and suddenly the bus stops, and the bus driver announces that there’s been a mechanical failure and the bus needs to return to the depot immediately. Everyone off, please.
And she stands and goes to get off the bus and the driver says - not you two. Sit down. So she sits down as everyone else leaves, because, well, what else is she going to do? the options are all still bad, at this point.
and when the bus is empty the bus driver says,
“Where do you need to go?”
And then he drives them as close to their destination as he can, and lets them off, and drives away. And Irena lives, and the kid lives, and they never cross paths again.
So a janitor got three people killed, and a bus driver saved two lives - not to mention all the other lives indirectly saved because Irena was able to continue her work.
I think about that almost every day now, to be honest.
We can’t all be Irena. I couldn’t be Irena. She was in a unique place with very specific skills and connections that let her do what she did. I am just one mentally ill librarian. I can’t be her. But - I can be the bus driver. Or I could be the janitor. Because it doesn’t matter what your job is. It doesn’t matter who you are. In a world like this, every single one of us has the opportunity to do massive harm or massive good. We can save lives or end them.
And that’s scary. but it’s also very comforting? at least for me. Because at the end of the day it means this: no matter of how small and helpless and unimportant you feel, you’re never powerless in the face of great evil.
You can choose to be the bus driver.
It’s too late to kinkshame Lestat probably
i’m kinkshaming him anyway
Anne Rice is going to sue everyone on this post
.the best leader.
This is giggling bangtan, reblog it for good luck and eternal happiness, don’t risk it.
edward cullen is such a fucking annoying little teenage boy every chapter he’s literally like ”lol it’s so funny when bella gets mad ❤️”
All I’m saying is if we don’t get the final meadow scene from breaking down from Eddy Boys point of view, I WILL RIOT
“I was taking our relationship one day at a time, one hour at a time. I didn’t look into the future. It was enough that I could feel it coming. When I promised her forever now, I meant as far as I could see. And I wasn’t looking.”
— Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun pg. 644
“It was a pleasure just to say her name. It felt like a kind of avowal. This is the name to which I belong.”
-Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun pg. 365
Just read Midnight Sun and I have so many thoughts and emotions but the main one right now is the fact that Edward KNEW the pain he would cause Bella upon leaving—he had seen glimpses of the future from Alice— and yet he STILL LEFT (this makes me love Jacob even more for healing her with his sunshine, but anyways)
The explanation I’ve got to forgive him (because prior to ms I didn’t think he had any concept of what his leaving would really do to her, therein making it inexcusable on my part) is from this quote:
“Because what would hurt Bella the most?... Surely, keeping her with me would be the greatest hurt possible.”
Because prior to this, we know how much he loves her. We know how much it causes him pain to see her in pain, and he’s wrestled with their love this whole time because he knows the dangers he brings. The signs of him leaving are set up in even the very beginning of the book as he sees how incompatible her human world is with his immortal one. But how can he leave her to fall apart like he does?
Because he’s thinking about what the greatest hurt possible is. He sees her without him, but from what he knows of humans, he thinks she’ll recover. She’ll move on eventually and live a happy life. He briefly sees it and imagines it when he sees how natural Jacob and her are together. So from his point of view (and we know that his pov isn’t altogether reliable because of how much he loathes himself/his world) keeping her with him is the worst of the two dangers because of how near death she came. And because the alternative is her becoming a vampire and he won’t take away her soul like that. Edward also underestimates how hard she takes his loss. He doesn’t quite understand how attached to him she is because he still can barely believe that she’s still there. Still wanting him and so accepting of his world when he is anything but accepting of it. So he miscalculates and (wrongly) thinks she will recover. He knows he will hurt her, but he sees staying as so much worse of an alternative, given what she just went through.
Additionally, these lines help underscore his mindset: “With perfect clarity, I recalled Alice’s visions of Bella abandoned—her bleak, shadowed, empty, hollow face. Her pain and her nightmares. I’d never been able to imagine my resolve not breaking, not caving to the knowledge of her grief. I couldn’t imagine it now. But I would have to do it. I had to learn the strength.”
This is further proof that he believes it’s the lesser of two evils. He doesn’t WANT to do it, he just believes he has no other alternative.
I just realized that I think I see Edward leaving Bella in the second book differently than most people:
I’ve seen a lot of people think that, from just twilight and new moon’s perspective, Edward didn’t fully realize what his leaving would do. He didn’t anticipate the depression, the numbness to life that he was pushing her into. Which makes it slightly more excusable that he left. Because he truly didn’t know, and once he did, he didn’t leave again.
But then we got midnight sun. And all those people thinking he didn’t know, found out that he DID see visions of Bella struggling to hold herself together without him. And he chose to leave anyway, therein making the decision seem so much more cold-hearted and inexcusable.
But I’ve always been flipped.
I have always hated when Edward leaves Bella in new moon. It’s what made me team Jacob upon my first time reading the series, because of that betrayal. He may not have known exactly what would happen to her, but that made it all the more callous to me because he didn’t think. He didn’t try to see how much she needed him, truly wanted him around despite the danger. It was unforgivable to me that he just walked away (even though I knew it was because he loved her).
But with midnight sun, I understand his thought process. The struggle that will evolve into him leaving her, begins very early on inside his mind in the book. And it grows and it grows until he can only see that leaving will remove the most danger from her life.
Him seeing the visions is what changes things for me becuase now he knows what will happen (he knows the consequences of his actions, instead of my imagining him needlessly hurting her before). He can make an informed choice, comparing both futures he sees for her, rather than (in my mind) him just not stopping to realize what his leaving might do. Now, we know that his decision to leave is wrong, but we see Edward really trying to make Bella safe. We get to see his struggle and witness how hard it was for him to accept that leaving her that broken was better than him staying in her life. And it’s a flawed choice; he underestimates just how much damage will be done because he can’t see it all, only Alice’s small visions (and this is why I’m still mad at him), but it’s a choice I can more readily understand and sympathize for and forgive.
i NEED you all to know that edward canonically still has the personality of a 17 year old, it’s no wonder he’s so annoying
Alice and Jasper after losing Bella
edward at school thinking up 100 ways on how to kill bella:
alice sitting in math class after getting each vision:
